


Never Letting Go

by SneetchesToo



Series: Start Again [3]
Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Pre-Relationship, Romance, Season 3 Spoilers, Smut, these two fools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-06-18 09:51:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 48,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15483111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SneetchesToo/pseuds/SneetchesToo
Summary: “You found parts of me that I didn’t know existed. And in you, I found a love that I no longer believed was real.”Sequel to “Ethan” and “Rox”.





	1. Special Delivery

**Author's Note:**

> *I couldn’t help myself from writing a sequel. These two are just so darn adorable and I am complete trash for them.  
> **Contains Slight spoilers for 3x13.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox hasn’t seen Ethan since that morning she woke up to him in her bed. And it’s slowly driving her insane.

Rox was frustrated. No, scratch that, she was infuriated. And mad and upset and overwhelmed. And if she was being honest. She was also a little bit heart broken.

She had been so excited when she had woken up to find Ethan laying next to her. His arms wrapped around her tight, his eyes soft in the early morning light. He had told her that he would never leave her. That he was there for her.

And then. He had kissed her.

And boy had that been one hell of a kiss. In fact, if she hadn’t been completely unable to move, she probably would have removed every last item of his uniform and had her way with him right then and there. Hospital regulations be damned.

But unfortunately, she hadn’t been able too. 

So instead, she had settled for kissing him back. Gently, yet deeply, and she had hoped that she was pouring all of the emotion into the kiss that she had hoped. 

He had pulled back after a few minutes and told her to rest. That he would be there when she woke up. That he would always be there.

But when her eyes had opened once again a few hours later, he was gone.

She had tried not to cry. She had tried so hard to be strong. But then Emo had appeared at her side and she told her that something had happened. Something bad. That Ethan was needed in LA and that he had had to go.

She had simply nodded her head before closing her eyes once more. She wanted nothing more than to curl back up in his arms and forget the world.

—

That had been ten days ago and she hadn’t had any contact with Ethan since. No phone calls. No text messages. No smoke signals. Nothing.

She was mad at him. Very, very mad. But she was also a little heart broken. 

It seemed as though he had simply forgotten about her.

Emo had reassured her that none of that was true. And his father had reminded her over and over again that Ethan was simply doing his job. That his people needed him.

She had wanted to shout at Martin that she needed him more.

But she had refrained. Instead she had followed doctor’s orders. She had started PT. She had started OT. She had followed their dietary guidelines. She had gotten the recommended 8-10 hours of sleep a night. 

But she still felt broken.

She still felt lost.

And all she wanted was him.

“Special delivery.” She heard Emo’s voice before she saw her and she let out a sigh. She really wasn’t in the mood for visitors right now.

“Go away.” She growled out.

She was set to be discharged the next day and while she would have to continue all of her hard work back at Angels, she was thankful to get out of this hellhole.

At least then she’d be closer to Ethan.

Much, much closer.

“Don’t be rude Roxane.” Emo’s voice was stern, but slightly playful, and she rolled her eyes before turning toward the door.

She was shocked by what she saw.

“Who are those for?” Her eyes were wide at the sight of the giant bouquet of multi-colored flowers in her aunt’s arms. She was surprised she was even able to carry it it was so big.

“You.” She stated simply.

Rox watched as she set the vase down on the small table with a smile. 

“Who are they from?” She reached forward, pulling her body toward the edge of the bed as she reached out for the card.

“Don’t know.” Emo shrugged her shoulders and Rox couldn’t help but roll her eyes once more. Of course she knew who they were from. 

“Liar.” She spat back, yanking the card from it’s spot in the small plastic holder.

She ripped the envelop open and pulled the small violet card out. She expected to see the names of her co-workers at the firehouse. Maybe her fellow EMTs and fire fighters from back home. Or even the names of her family back at Angels. Jesse and Leanne and the residents. But none of those names were listed. Not a single one. Instead it held two simple words and a simple letter and she felt her entire heart shatter.

_Sorry Love.  
-E_

She felt the tears prick to her eyes as she re-read the card over and over and over again.

He had sent her flowers. He had felt bad for leaving her. He was apologizing and telling her he loved her and signing his name. He hadn’t forgotten about her. He hadn’t written her off. 

“Oh Ethan.” She sobbed out, her hands coming up to cover her mouth as she let out a strangled whimper.

She missed him so much. So much more than she ever thought possible. 

“I should have known.” Emo’s voice was soft as she moved to sit next to her on the bed.

“Don’t lie.” Rox whispered as she leaned against the older woman. “You knew they were from him.”

“I suspected.” She whispered back, wrapping her arm around her shoulders gently. “He’s a good man Rox.”

“He’s the best.” She couldn’t help the words from slipping from her lips.

She wished that he was here with her. That he had been able to deliver the flower to her himself. That he was the one holding her right now, not Emo. But alas, he was not.

Instead he was back in LA, probably working harder than he had in a long time.

And she was determined that she was going to get back to him as soon as humanly possible.


	2. You Love Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan and his dad have a little chat about a certain woman that Ethan can’t seem to stop thinking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Again, slight spoilers for 3x13.

Ethan loved his job. He really, really did. But sometimes, he also really, really hated it.

Like say, for instance, when it called him away from the love of his life when she needed him the most.

And dragged him over three hours away from her.

All so that he could show up to a plane hanging out of the side of the source of said job of his.

He had turned off angry mode and turned on soldier mode immediately. And he had worked tirelessly for hours trying to help with what he could. Pulling people from rumble. Performing emergency medicine in the middle of burning building. 

He loved his job. That he did. But after 12 days away from Rox. He also hated it.

And today. Well today. He wasn’t working. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it. 

Instead, he was going to sleep until noon. Eat an unhealthy amount of junk food. Knock down a wall in his living room. Drink more beer than necessary. And stay up until some Godawful hour.

That was until he got wind that Rox was finally back in LA. That she was finally home and that she was safe and sound.

He had wanted to rush to her immediately. To show up at her place with cheap beer and take-out and a cheesy movie. To wrap her up in his arms and smother her in kisses. To drag her to bed with him and make love to her until neither of them remembered their names.

But then his dad had shown up at his house at a quarter to seven in the morning. 

And he had dragged his butt out of bed with the world’s longest winded sigh.

And he hadn’t stopped going ever since.

They had knocked down said wall over four hours ago and he was currently watching as his father attempted to hammer a board in a place he was fairly certain it wasn’t supposed to go.

“It doesn’t go there dad.” He huffed out.

“Well then where does it go?” His dad’s question was dragged out as he let out a frustrated groan.

“Not there.” He wasn’t sure if it was the beer that was making him a sarcastic ass today, or if it was the fact that there was only one place he wanted to be right now.

And here. With his dad. Doing construction. Was not it.

“Ass.” He rolled his eyes at the older man’s comment. 

He wasn’t sorry for his attitude problem this morning. No, rather, he was sorry that his dad was having to deal with it. But he should have known.

“How long is this gonna take?” He took another swig from his beer as he plopped himself down onto the floor. 

“Don’t know.” His dad must have given up because he let out another groan before tossing the hammer onto the floor, letting the board drop on top of it. “Why? Got somewhere you need to be?”

“Yeah.” He didn’t know what possessed him to say that.

He didn’t even know if Rox wanted his company right now. He hadn’t so much as heard a peep from her since he left. No texts. No calls. No carrier pigeons. Nothing.

Even after he had sent her flowers.

Even after he had apologized and signed it ‘love’.

Nothing. 

She hadn’t even told him that she was coming home.

Rather, he had heard it through the grapevine while helping Jesse out yesterday. He had found out that the most important person in his life was home from a gaggle of nosy nurses.

“Rox know you want to see her?” His dad’s question startled him.

“Huh?” He shook his head to clear his thoughts and blinked his eyes. Maybe it was time to slow down on the beer. It wasn’t even noon yet.

“Does Rox know that you want to see her?” His father moved closer to him, collapsing into the chair in front of him. “You haven’t spoken to her since you left.”

“Yeah, well, she hasn’t spoken to me either.” He suddenly felt like he was five years old again. 

“Don’t be an asshole Ethan.” His dad kicked his steel-toed boots against the bottom of his army issued ones. “You need to call her.”

“And say what?” He dropped his head back against the wall with a sigh. He couldn’t believe his father was trying to give him relationship advice.

“Tell her that your sorry.” He rolled his eyes. “That you love her.”

“Tried that dad.” He heard the man let out a chuckle as he kicked his foot softly once more.

“No son. Actually tell her.” When he lifted his eyes up his dad was staring at him with a soft humor in his eyes and it made him sick. “Flowers are nice, but she needs to hear your voice.”

“Since when did you become an expert on Rox?” He really shouldn’t have had to ask that question.

He knew his dad had stayed behind in San Diego with her because he had asked him too.

He knew that he had been by her side when it should have been him.

“Maybe because I spent ten days trying to get her to understand that you didn’t just up and leave her for no good reason.” His dad’s words were stern, but not harsh.

My, what a long way they had come.

“I had a good reason dad.” He closed his eyes once more and shook his head. “There was an airplane literally hanging out of the side of Angels.”

“Does she know that?” He didn’t know how she couldn’t have known that. Not if she had watched the news. Which he knew that she did.

“She should.” He huffed.

“Did you tell that was why you had to leave?” His father was really annoying him right now and he wasn’t even sure why. He wasn’t going anything wrong.

“No.” He opened his eyes once more and gave his father a warning look.

“Don’t look at me like that Ethan James.” The use of his middle name was completely unwarranted. But it worked. Because he dropped his glare and let out a huff. “She misses you.”

“She does not.” He wished that she did. Because he missed her.

He missed her so much that it hurt.

He had never felt like this before. He didn’t know what to do with it. It was slowly eating him away from the inside out and he hated it.

“I am not arguing with you over this son.” His dad reached out and patted his shoulder then before he rose from his spot. “Call her. Now.”

Ethan let out a sigh as he watched the older man make his down the hallway. 

He knew he needed to talk to her.

He knew he needed to tell her that he was sorry. And that he loved her. And that he never meant to leave her like that.

But then his pager was going off from somewhere in the house and he let out a moan as he chucked his empty beer bottle at the bare wall beside him.

Sometimes, he really, really hated his job.


	3. Talk To Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Martin pays Rox a visit to discuss a certain Army colonel who seems to be aggravating them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The story falls from canon at this point and obviously doesn’t go back. (Since there is no season 4 as of now)

Rox had been back in Los Angeles for almost a week.

In fact, it had been six days, nineteen hours, and forty seven minutes.

And yet, Ethan was still nowhere to be found.

She had tried calling him her third night back in town. But his phone had gone straight to voicemail. When she tried again a few hours later it did the same thing.

She guessed that he must have been working.

She heard that he had been doing a lot of that lately.

She hadn’t bothered to try and call him again after that. She figured that if he had wanted to see her that he would make it happen.

It broke her heart slightly that he hadn’t seemed to have any interest in making that so.

“Penny for your thoughts.” She heard Martin Willis’ voice from the doorway to the PT room and while he wasn’t the Willis she was hoping for, he would do.

“Doubt they’re worth that much.” She replied. 

Yesterday had been her first day back in therapy and they were currently trying to kill her. She was sure of it. She had gone home last night and slept for eighteen hours. She couldn’t remember the last time she had slept for eighteen hours. Probably not since high school. Maybe not even since then.

“I’m sure they are.” He made his way inside with slow steps, pausing in front of her treadmill as he gave her a once over.

He hadn’t been to see her since she had gotten home either. 

But at least he had called her to check on her.

Every day in fact.

She wished that he could knock some sense into his son’s head.

“How are you feeling?” She let out a huff at his question. She wished she knew.

“Better.” At least that wasn’t telling a lie. She was feeling better. Much better than she had two weeks ago when she had woken up and been unable to move.

“That’s good.” He offered her a smile and she returned it. She was thankful for his support. 

“How are you?” She really wanted to ask how Ethan was. If he was okay or if he was still on the crazy train. But she bit her tongue.

“I’m good.” She could detect the humor in his voice. “Ethan’s good too.”

“That’s good.” She huffed out.

She watched as he stepped back as her PT instructor came over. Blabbing something to her about being done for the day. Something about water and rest. Going home and relaxing.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had relaxed.

“Need a lift?” She snapped her head in the Colonel’s direction as she pondered his words.

“Sure.” She shrugged her shoulders. What was the worst that could happen?

She regretted her decision as soon as they were pulling away from the hospital.

“He misses you. A lot.” Martin’s words were soft and she knew that he was just trying to help.

“Could have fooled me.” She whispered.

She let her head fall against the window as she watched the scenery fly by. She really just wanted to go home and take a warm shower and collapse in bed.

She would have enjoyed that thought even more if she knew that Ethan were waiting for her.

“He does.” She rolled her eyes at the older man’s words.

“He hasn’t called me. Texted me. Nothing.” She felt like a whiny teenager and she hated it. She was so much better than this. “Why should I believe you?”

“He’s been busy Rox.” She knew that Martin was trying to be patient with her and she was thankful for that. “Things have been, crazy.”

“Crazy enough that he can’t even pick up the phone and say ‘hi’?” She doubted that it was that busy around Angels. 

In fact. She had just been there. And it wasn’t that busy at all.

“He’s been picking up extra shifts to help out.” She let out another huff. Of course he had. “Noa’s still out after her accident. And Leanne took some time off to deal with all the drama with Ariel. He’s just trying to pitch in.”

She hadn’t known about Noa’s accident until yesterday. She had asked Jesse in passing if she was around and he had told her what had happened. She had texted the other girl immediately and apologized profusely for not checking on her sooner.

She had also asked for Leanne and she had had three nurses brush off her request without a proper answer. Campbell had finally filled her in on everything that was happening. She had also texted her and apologized for just now lending an ear. They had talked on the phone for almost an hour that morning.

She knew that things had been crazy.

She wasn’t denying that they needed some extra help.

That her family needed some extra help.

But goddammit she missed Ethan and she wished that he would come help her too.

“Where is he now?” She didn’t know what possessed her to ask that question.

“Probably sleeping.” The man’s words were soft and he shifted his eyes toward her from his seat next to her. “He worked for 60 hours straight before finally leaving there this morning.”

She felt bad. He had to be exhausted. She hoped that he wasn’t going to run himself ragged again and lose it.

The last thing she needed was him spending another 72 hours in a psych hold.

“Oh.” She was capable of so much more than that. And yet, that was all she could muster.

Now, more than ever, she just wanted to crawl into bed with him.

“I’m sure you could come over later.” Martin’s words shook her from her thoughts. Was he inviting her over to Ethan’s place without Ethan’s permission? There was no way. “I know he’d love to see you.”

They pulled up in front of her place and she let out sigh.

Lord knows that she would love to see him.

“I’ll think about it.” She whispered.

“Don’t think too hard.” He offered her a wink as she climbed from her spot in the car. “We’ll see you later!”

She couldn’t help but chuckle as the words left his mouth.

She knew that she needed to see him. That she needed to talk to him and tell him everything that she was feeling inside.

She knew she couldn’t wait any longer.

It had to be done.

If he wasn’t going to come to her, than she would go to him. And that was final.


	4. Gotta Start Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan gets a surprise visitor while doing some housework. And his father has something to say about the lack of conversation

Ethan had been exhausted when he finally woke up from his rather short lived nap.

He had worked a 60 hour shift. On four hours of sleep.

He was so tired that his eyelashes hurt.

His dad had laughed at him when he muttered that sentence out loud before collapsing into bed. He hadn’t even bothered to shower. Or take off any of his clothes. 

No, rather, he had fallen asleep still in his Angels jacket. His boots still on his feet. His pager still clipped to his belt.

When he had woken up five hours later his hip hurt from the annoying piece of cheap plastic poking him while he slept.

He had let out a huff before tossing the damned thing across the room.

He had discarded his clothing then and practically fallen into the shower. He hadn’t even washed anything. No, instead he just stood there, unmoving, under the spray. He couldn’t even lift his arms above his head at that point.

After he had dried off he had struggled to pull on clean boxers before collapsing into bed once more.

He had slept another two hours before the sound of his father moving around downstairs had startled him from his sleep. He had let out a huff before rising from the bed.

5:46pm stared back at him from the clock on the nightstand and he let out a huff. He was due back at Angels in just under twelve hours.

Yet all he wanted to do was sleep.

Sighing to himself he pulled on an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt before making his way downstairs. His dad placed a cup of coffee in his hands before he had even gotten his bearings and he had muttered out a ‘thank you’.

After the coffee kicked in, which didn’t take long, he made his way into the living room. The place literally looked like a bomb had gone off in it. He couldn’t believe that they were going through with this remodel.

Not that he minded.

He wanted to stay in Robbie’s house more than anything.

But he was shocked that his dad was willing to let him.

And that he was willing to help him with all this damn work.

He had gone to work on sanding the wall in front of him and he must have lost track of time because when he heard the front door open a little while later his watch told him that it was almost 7:00pm.

He hadn’t even heard his dad leave the house.

He let out a sigh as he turned to see what he had brought home from the hardware store this time. 

But when he turned, his father wasn’t the person he saw.

Instead, it was Rox.

And she was more beautiful than he had remembered.

“Hi.” He whispered.

“Hi.” She whispered back.

She normally just made herself at home. Yet she stood there staring at him like she had no idea what to do. She looked almost, lost.

“You’re back?” That was honestly the stupidest question he could have asked.

Of course she was back. She was standing in his foyer staring at him. Looking downright adorable in black leggings and a Rolling Stones t-shirt. He had never seen a more perfect sight.

“I’m back.” Her voice was soft and he could see the hesitation in her body language.

She didn’t know if she should be here.

Frankly, he didn’t know if she should be here either.

“Good.” He swallowed as he turned back around.

He felt like an ass. But honestly, if he had stared at her any longer, she would have been naked in thirty seconds flat.

She was doing things to his body that he wasn’t quite sure he could control.

Nor did he know if he wanted too.

He heard her let out a soft sigh. Not an angry one. Not an over-exasperated one. But a soft one. 

And then she was moving further into the house. Her bare feet making little noise on the hard wood floors.

He saw her collapse onto the couch in front of the window and he couldn’t help the smile that came over his face. She looked like she belonged there.

He was pretty sure that she did.

He continued to work in silence for a while, sanding the wall and cleaning it off as he went. And she continued to sit there in silence while he worked. He watched as she pulled her phone out at one point and her eyes stayed focused on that for a while before she pulled her legs up in front of her and tucked herself against the arm of the couch.

He got ready to speak when he heard his father’s footsteps come down the hall.

He turned just as the man stopped in the doorway.

He offered Rox a smile before turning his attention toward him, his eyebrow raising as he gestured back and forth between them with his hands.

Neither of them spoke. 

“Seriously?” Martin’s question caused Rox to let out a laugh and he felt his heart clench in his chest.

God how he had missed that sound.

“You two haven’t seen each other in two weeks and this is how you reunite?” Ethan rolled his at his father’s words. 

Again, neither of them spoke. Instead, he shifted his eyes toward hers and she shifted hers toward him. And they both just shrugged their shoulders.

He hadn’t thought there was anything wrong with their reunion at all.

Expect for perhaps, the fact that they were both wearing entirely too many clothes.

“Idiots.” His father mumbled under his breath. “You’re both idiots.”

Rox let out another chuckle and he felt his lips curl into a smile.

His father wouldn’t have been saying that if he had caught them naked on the living room floor like Ethan would have preferred.

“Gotta start somewhere right dad?” He offered the man a look before turning toward the woman across from him and he smiled.

And she smiled back.

And he knew that they were on the right path to something.


	5. Comfortbale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox was surprisingly comfortable sitting next to Ethan in silence.

Rox wasn’t entirely sure what had prompted her to drive to Ethan’s house at almost 7:00pm. And she wasn’t entirely sure why she just let herself in either. But she had. And she hadn’t regretted it one bit.

She had sat and watched Ethan work on the living room in complete silence. 

And she had never been more infatuated with him than she was in that moment.

He had finally given up on sanding the wall after about an hour of working. His dad having disappeared back down the hall after his comment about their reunion being sub-par.

While she would have preferred it to have involved much less clothing and a lot more kissing. She wasn’t complaining. She was with him. And that was all that mattered.

She watched as Ethan moved to sit next to her on the couch, letting out a groan as he plopped down next to her. He was close, extremely close, and while part of her was jumping for joy, another part of her was freaking out.

They hadn’t been this close in almost two weeks. 

And before that, it had been months.

She had craved his touch so much the past few days and yet here she was losing her mind at the simple thought of it.

“You hungry?” He asked softly, his eyes darting in her direction as he gave her a quick once over. She wondered if he had been mentally undressing her like she had been doing to him for the last hour.

“Sure.” She shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t know why she didn’t just tell him that she was starved. That she hadn’t eaten since that morning.

“I already ordered food!” She heard Martin shout from somewhere down the hall and she couldn’t help but laugh when Ethan rolled his eyes. “Should be here in thirty. Gives you plenty of time to talk.”

Ethan coughed next to her, his head falling back against the couch cushions as he let out a sigh.

She had never expected Martin to be the one to make this awkward. And yet, there he was.

“Ignore him.” Ethan whispered.

“He’s trying to help.” She whispered back. “It’s cute.”

“It’s annoying.” He turned his attention back toward her and she couldn’t help but offer him a soft smile. She had missed seeing his face.

“So…” She didn’t know if they were supposed to talk. Or what they were supposed to talk about. She didn’t even know where to begin.

What she did know was that she wanted to kiss him. And she wanted to do so so badly that it was clouding all of her other thoughts.

“We should talk.” He said softly, his hand going out to brush some of her hair behind her ear. She couldn’t help the shiver that left her body.

But then he was smiling down at her as his eyes glistened in the late evening sun and she let out a small whimper when he tugged her close.

“Or we could just make-out.” She whispered back.

She didn’t know where those words had come from. And apparently, neither did he.

But then his lips were on hers and they were soft and gentle and she was thankful that they had chosen this route instead.

She felt his hand tangle in her hair as he dragged her closer. 

She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe that she was finally kissing him. That she was finally back in his arms. 

Her whole world felt right again.

The next thing she knew though, her whole world was tilted slightly as he pushed her back against the cushions slowly. He moved his body over hers, hovering above her as he dropped his head to her neck. One hand settled on her hip while the other kept it’s grip on her head.

She let out a sigh. And then a whimper. And he pulled back just as he was getting ready to graze his teeth over her pulse point.

“Sorry.” He whispered. He dropped his forehead to hers and she couldn’t help but smile up at him.

“It’s okay.” She whispered back. She moved her hands then, letting them tangle in his hair as she dragged his lips back to hers.

They stayed that way for a while, their lips dancing against each other’s, their hands making messes of each other’s hair.

“I thought I said you two should talk.” Martin’s voice startled them from their motions and she couldn’t help but chuckle when Ethan let out a groan.

He dropped his head back to her neck, burying his face against her bare skin.

“Go away dad.” She felt like a teenager who had just been caught making out on the couch with her boyfriend.

In reality, all of that statement was true, except for the teenager part.

And probably the boyfriend part.

She wasn’t sure where exactly they fell on that scale.

“Food’s here.” Was all Martin said before he vanished back into the kitchen.

She let out a sigh. She hadn’t even heard the doorbell ring.

Had they really been that caught up in each other?

“I’m getting him a hotel room.” Ethan whispered against her cheek.

“Or we could just go to my place.” She suggested. She didn’t even know why though. Her place was a disaster area. 

Ethan at least had the excuse of remodeling.

She just hadn’t had the energy to clean since she got home.

“That sounds like a better idea.” He dropped his forehead against hers once more, pressing a gentle kiss to her nose.

“I’m hungry.” And she was. She was starving. And as much as she wanted to continue to make out with him, she wanted to eat something even more.

“Me too.” And then he was pulling himself up and off of her with a sigh. “Shall we?”

She took his outstretched hand and offered him a small smile as she moved to wrap her arms around his neck.

“We can finish this later.” She winked at him then. And he laughed as he tugged her close.

And she had never felt more comfortable in her entire life.


	6. Time to Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan thinks that he and Rox need some air. Especially when his dad starts to watch them like hawks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sorry I haven’t been updating. I’m feeling real discouraged with my writing here lately. And my anxiety has been through the roof lately so I haven’t been getting much done lately.**

Ethan had been pleasantly surprised when Rox had shown up at his door.

He had been even more surprised when she stayed and made herself at home on his couch while he continued to sand the living room wall.

And then he had sat next to her and all of his ability to function normally had gone out the window.

She sat there. Looking all beautiful and cozy, like she belonged in that spot. And he hadn’t been able to help himself from kissing her. 

And then from putting his hands in her hair. He couldn’t stop himself from lowering her to the couch. From letting his hand wander to her hip. 

He would have gone further. Much, much further. If it hadn’t been for his father interrupting them.

He felt like a teenager. A really horny teenager. And he just wanted his dad to go away so that he could go back to kissing his girl.

But his father didn’t go away. In fact, he made them sit at the kitchen table with him and eat dinner like they were some kind of family.

Rox hadn’t seemed to mind. In fact, she had worn a smile on her face the entire meal and she had kept her hand on his thigh through three quarters of the evening.

After they had finished though, he was in desperate need of air. He watched his dad take over his spot in the living room, sanding the large wall with ease, and he decided that now was the time to make a break for it.

“Wanna go for a walk?” He asked quietly. He shifted his eyes in her direction and she just smiled at him softly.

God he had missed that smile.

“Sure.” She whispered her response as she made her way into the foyer, sliding her feet into her shoes without another word. 

He grabbed his leather jacket from it’s spot by the door, and then, after giving it very little thought, grabbed his hoodie from it’s spot next to it. He knew it was starting to get chilly at night. And there was no way that Rox would be warm enough in that thin t-shirt of hers.

“Here.” He extended his hand outward and watched as her eyes lit up at his gesture.

Yep, he felt just like a teenager, getting excited over the prospect of asking his girl to wear his sweatshirt. That was the equivalent of ‘going steady’ in his day.

“Thanks.” She smiled up at him as she took the object and pulled it over her head.

He felt his heart beat rapidly in his chest at the sight of her. 

She truly was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on.

“No worries.” He whispered. He couldn’t seem to get his voice to work. His whole body forgetting how to function at the image in front of him. 

They walked in silence for a few minutes, up the street and to the left, and he itched to take her hand in his. 

He wondered if it was too early for that.

Or perhaps it was entirely too cliché.

“We don’t have to walk far.” He decided that breaking the silence was best. He was starting to get lost in his thoughts, and while good, they were not going to do him any favors. “I know you had PT this morning.”

“It’s fine.” Her voice was soft as she shifted her eyes toward him.

He could see the exhaustion written on her face and he felt bad for even suggesting it.

But then she was reaching over and taking his hand in hers and he couldn’t help the smile that came over his face.

He had to be the luckiest man alive in that moment.

“How’s that going by the way?” He remembered that they hadn’t exactly talked since she had woken up from her coma. And they certainly hadn’t talked since she had started PT. 

“It’s rough.” She squeezed his hand as she pulled herself a little bit closer to him. “Some days are better than others.”

“And how was today?” His father had told him about how worn out she had looked when he had visited her earlier. About how hollow her eyes were and how her smile didn’t quite reach them.

“Rougher than normal.” She whispered.

He stopped them then, his hand tugging her forward until she was directly in front of him. He kept a hold of her right hand with his left while he let the other hand wander to her cheek.

“We should turn back then.” He really didn’t want her to over do it. He knew how exhausting PT could be. How it wore on more than just the physical injuries.

“If you want.” Her eyes betrayed her words.

He could tell that she didn’t want to go back. 

Because if they went back, she would have to leave.

And neither one of them wanted that.

“Let’s go back.” He brushed some of her hair behind her ear with a soft sigh and dropped his forehead to hers. “We can watch a movie or something.” He watched as her eyes grew soft at his suggestion. “That’s if you want to stay and all.”

“If it’s okay.” She was hesitant, wary, and almost a little insecure.

And it broke his heart.

The old Rox wasn’t like this. The Rox from before the accident. She was confident and headstrong and everything he admired in a woman.

Not that he admired any part of her any less after what she had been through.

“Please.” He whispered.

“Okay.” She whispered back.

He leaned in and kissed her softly then, his fingers tangling in her hair as he pulled her close.

He would never get tired of kissing her like that.

He would never get tired of holding her like that either.

“I’m sorry.” He pressed his forehead against hers once more and he tried to fight off his tears.

He didn’t want to cry here. Not now. Not when they were having such a good moment.

“I know.” She wrapped her free arm around his neck loosely, her fingers laying against the strands of hair at the back of his neck. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not.” He dropped her hand then, letting his fingers find her hip as he tugged her closer. “I should have been there for you.”

“I had Emo.” She whispered. He watched as her eyes closed as her other hand moved to settle against his chest. “And your dad.” She smiled softly as she reopened her eyes and focused them on him once more. “I was okay.”

“I still should have been there.” He pressed his lips against hers once more and when she clenched her hand around the material of his t-shirt he started to lose control.

“Well you’re here now.” She whispered against his lips. “That’s all that matters.”

“I’m always going to be here.” He wanted to drag her back to his place and make love to her right then and there. 

He wanted her in his bed and in his arms and he never wanted to let her go.

Because he meant it. Now, more than ever. He loved her. He needed her. More than he had ever needed anyone or anything.

And he was never going to let her go.


	7. Cuddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox thought she was ready to be in Ethan’s bed, but she wasn’t. Until he asks her a very unusual question, at least, for Ethan that is.

Rox had thought that Ethan’s suggestion to go for a walk was kind of ridiculous.

But then he had been handing her his sweatshirt. And he had held her hand while they walked. And then he had kissed her. More than once.

And she suddenly didn’t hate the idea of going on walks with him anymore.

He had suggested that they turn back. That she should be resting. But she didn’t want to go back to his place. Because if she went back it meant that she should leave. And she didn’t want to leave.

She never wanted to leave his arms.

Ever.

Then he suggested a movie. That she could stay and that she didn’t have to leave. And she had been over the moon.

They had walked back to the house hand in hand, and silent. But it had been a comfortable silence. Like it most often was for them.

His dad was gone when they got there and Ethan had let out a sigh.

She toed her shoes off once more. She reluctantly pulled his hoodie over her head and hung it up. She watched as he did the same.

And then she stood there. Awkwardly. And she couldn’t help the shiver that shot through her body.

She wasn’t sure what the next move was at that point.

Did they go to the living room?

Did they go upstairs to his room?

She couldn’t remember having ever seen a TV anywhere in Ethan’s house. She didn’t even know if he owned one.

“TV’s upstairs.” He must have been reading her thoughts.

“Okay.” She whispered. She could feel her hands shaking as she eyed the stairs.

She hadn’t faced stairs yet. Not a full flight of them. She didn’t even know if she had it in her to make it up them.

“We’ll go slow.” He whispered. She felt his hand on her back then, pushing her forward gently.

She took a deep breath as they stopped at the bottom. She could do this. This wasn’t that hard. There was no way she was going to be beaten down by a flight of steps. Not now. Not ever.

“Relax Rox.” His lips were against her ear before she knew what was happening and that was when she realized that she had started to cry. “I’m here to help.”

He wrapped a supportive arm around her waist and she felt her legs moving on their own accord. One step at a time.

They paused halfway up when she felt a pain shoot through her hip.

Ethan dropped his head against hers once more and offered her a hush.

“I can carry you if you need me too.” His voice was soft. So soft that it almost broke her in two.

“I’m good.” She choked out. “Just, need a minute.”

They took five. Five minutes. Five minutes before she could convince her body to continue up the stairs. When they finally made it to the top she leaned back against the wall with a sigh.

“You okay?” His fingers were soft against her cheek and she simply nodded her head at his question.

She didn’t know if she could speak.

Or what she would say if she did.

“Bedroom’s through there.” He pointed to the closed door directly to her right and she nodded once again.

She was suddenly completely terrified of entering Ethan’s sacred space.

His bedroom was definitely the last place she ever expected to find herself.

She watched as he pushed the door open and stepped inside. He turned back toward her with a soft smile and she couldn’t help but follow him inside.

“I’ll get you something more comfortable to wear if you want.” The simple thought of wearing any clothing item of his made her heart race in her chest.

“I’m good.” She whispered. 

“Okay.” He whispered back.

She watched as he grabbed a pair of sweatpants from the dresser and headed toward the closed door to the left.

“I’m gonna change real quick.” She nodded her head as her eyes scanned the room slowly. “Make yourself at home. Remote’s on the end table.”

And then he was gone. Disappearing behind the bathroom door with a gentle thud.

She let her eyes wander around the room as she moved slowly toward the bed.

It was boring. Simple. Empty.

There were two pictures on the dresser on the far wall. She guessed the woman must have been his mother. The other one had to be of him and Robert.

There were a few books on the bookcase. But it was mostly empty as well.

The bed was made. Something she found shocking. And there was a small lamp on the nightstand. In front of it was the TV remote. Next to it an empty bottle of water.

She let out a sigh. This was more difficult than she expected.

“Everything okay?” His soft voice echoed in the otherwise silent room. She hadn’t even heard the door open.

Turning around she shifted her eyes to him and she let out another sigh. He was truly trying to kill her wasn’t he? Standing there in front of her, his sweat pants low on his hips, his t-shirt slightly loose. His eyes were sleepy and soft.

She swallowed as she nodded her head at him. Words were a precious thing at this moment.

“Wanna lay down?” He moved toward the bed and fell back against the mattress with a huff.

She just stood there and stared at him.

She couldn’t get her body to work. She couldn’t make her legs function to carry her the last few feet toward him.

“Rox?” His voice was so soft that she wanted to cry.

He scooted across the bed and toward her and before she knew it his hands were on hers and he was tugging her forward slightly.

“Come. Lay down.” He whispered, squeezing her hands softly. “Let’s just relax.”

She nodded her head once more. Dammit she wished she could make her voice work.

She didn’t know why she was so afraid to lay down with him. It’s not like she had never shared a bed with a man before. In fact, she had shared plenty of beds, with plenty of men.

Maybe that was the problem.

Ethan’s bed wasn’t one of plenty. And he truly wasn’t one of many.

He was special. Very special. And she had never felt this way about a man before.

It scared the living daylights out of her.

“Rox?” He tugged her forward a little more, his gray eyes soft and curious in the low light of the room. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Finally, a word. She offered him a soft smile as she moved the last step toward the bed and she moved to sit next to him as he scooted back.

He lifted the covers, dropping them over her legs as she climbed into the space beside him.

“You good?” He grabbed the TV remote as he settled back against the pillows.

“Yeah.” Dammit. Still only one syllable. And a bad one at that.

“You wanna cuddle?” His question was whispered and she couldn’t help but snap her eyes toward him.

Surely Ethan Willis hadn’t just asked her to cuddle with him.

That would be the most bizarre thing she had ever heard.

“Seriously?” She saw how his eyes softened even more as he reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

He tucked her against his side with a soft sigh. This must be what heaven felt like.

“Comfy?” He dropped a kiss to her head with his words and she nodded once more.

She snuggled even closer, her arm moving to drape over his stomach as she let her head fall against his chest. 

She could have stayed there for the rest of her life.

She wondered if he would let her.


	8. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan wondered how long it had been since Rox had actually been held like she deserved.

Ethan had thought it odd that Rox had seemed timid about climbing into bed with him.

Nothing about Rox had ever screamed ‘timid’ before.

Except for now. Now, everything about her screamed that she had lost herself somewhere in the accident.

He hated it. Hated it more than he had ever hated anything.

He missed his bubbly, fun loving Rox. 

He wanted that Rox back more than anything.

Especially now, when he was curled up in bed with her. Except, he was the only one curled up. She, instead, was sitting with her back against the headboard and her hands in her lap.

It was almost like she was afraid to touch him.

They had cuddled for a few minutes after they first climbed into bed. But then he had let his hand fall against her hip and his fingers had brushed over her bare skin and she had bolted upright, pushing herself away from him like he was made of fire.

He had asked her if she wanted to leave. But she had just rooted herself to her spot without another word.

He wasn’t sure what was going on with her. But he was determined to find out.

“Do you wanna talk Rox?” He whispered softly. He muted the TV before pushing himself upward, his eyes dragging over her body as he took a deep breath.

“Not really.” She whispered back. 

He could tell that she was nervous. Scared even. He didn’t know what was wrong with her, but he wanted to make it all better.

“Are you sure?” He reached out and let his fingers brush over her cheek softly. She pulled her head back as tears came to her eyes. “Something’s obviously bothering you.”

“It’s fine.” She sniffled out. She slid down slowly then, settling on her right side as she pillowed her hand under her cheek.

He let out a sigh. He hated that she was shutting him out. He had worked so hard to get her into his arms, and now she seemed to want to be anywhere but.

“Do you want to try and sleep?” He moved to settle himself down behind her, turning the TV off as he went.

“I don’t care.” Her voice was rough and he could see the tears streaming down her face. 

He was beyond confused and he hated it.

“Let’s sleep.” He dropped onto his side behind her, letting his arm wrap around her waist gently as he tugged her back against his chest.

She let out a whimper at his movements and he nuzzled his face against her neck to try and calm her down.

“Just sleep Rox.” He whispered. He let his lips press against the bare skin of her neck as he took a hold of her left hand. “We can talk in the morning.”

She didn’t respond, instead she let out a soft sob.

He felt his heart breaking in his chest. He didn’t understand why she was so emotional. Had he done something wrong? Had he screwed up somewhere along the way?

“What’s wrong love?” He gently rolled her onto her back, his eyes locking with hers as he took a deep breath.

The look of pain on her face was too much for him.

“Nothing.” She choked out. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“You’re a horrible liar.” He dropped his forehead to hers as he hovered above her slightly.

“Please Ethan.” He barely heard her plea, but it was enough to make him pull back.

“Please what Rox?” He didn’t want to get angry with her. He didn’t want to get frustrated. But he couldn’t help it. He was so in love with her and he just wanted her to let him in. “What do you need from me?”

“I just…” She choked back another sob as she closed her eyes. “I can’t do this.”

“Do what?” He whispered. He hoped and prayed that she wouldn’t say that she couldn’t be in a relationship with him. He would be heartbroken if he had to go without her after knowing what she felt like in his arms. What her lips tasted like against his.

“This.” She gestured between them and he took a deep breath.

His greatest fear was being confirmed and he felt like his heart was going to jump right out of his chest.

“This what?” He still wasn’t entirely sure what she was saying though. “You can’t be with me?”

“Yes.” He was heartbroken. This couldn’t be happening. “I… I don’t do this Ethan.”

“Do what?” His head was starting to hurt. He only had a few more hours before he had to head back to work and he just wanted to sleep. Preferably with her tucked in his arms.

“Relationships.” Her lips were quivering and he blinked several times at her response.

“What do you mean?” He wasn’t sure what that meant. How did someone not do relationships? That didn’t make any sense to him.

“I’m not that kind of girl.” Well than what the hell kind of girl was she? “I don’t do the whole dating thing. Ever.”

“So… what? What does that mean?” He hadn’t said anything about dating her, had he?

Not that he wouldn’t mind. In fact, the idea made his heart flutter. He wanted to take her to fancy dinners and buy her flowers and hold her hand in the grocery store. He wanted to kiss her in public and ravage her in his bed. He wanted everything in between.

“I don’t date Ethan!” She practically screamed the words at him and he pushed back from her with a huff. “I’ve always just been the screw ‘em and lose ‘em kind of girl. I’m not a dating girl. I never have been and I never will be.”

“Says who?” He had a hard time believing that that was by her choice. She was probably one of the sweetest, most genuine people he had ever met. After all, she put up with his ass. Surely she wasn’t living that lifestyle by choice.

“Says every man I’ve ever been with.” He saw the fear in her eyes. The way she was starting to shut down.

He sensed that there was more to that story. That there was once a man who had told her she was worthless and that she was the exact opposite of everything that she really was. He had known plenty of men like that in his life. He wanted to put a bullet between that douchebag’s eyes.

“Well they’re all liars then.” He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against her lips. 

He felt her try to pull back. He felt her try to fight him off. But when he settled his hand gently against her cheek and locked his eyes with hers, he finally felt her relax.

“You are perfectly capable of being in a relationship.” He dropped another kiss to her lips before continuing. “Especially of being in a relationship with me.” 

“But…” Her eyes softened as he threaded his fingers through her hair.

“No buts.” He could sense her frustration. He could tell that she wanted to fight him off. “I don’t do the screw ‘em and lose ‘em bit Rox. I never have.” And that was the honest to God truth. He had never had a one night stand in his life. Not even in college. Not even when drunk. “And I’m certainly not doing that with you.”

“Ethan…” He dropped his forehead to hers. He wanted to convey to her more than anything how badly he wanted this.

“I want this Rox.” He whispered. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes as he took a deep breath. “I want you. And us. And all of this.” He closed his eyes at the thought. He could feel his heart racing in his chest. “I wanna take you on dates and buy you flowers. I wanna get all dressed up and show you off.” The small smile that came over her face made his heart soar. “I wanna make love to you at the end of a horrible day at work.” Her eyes twinkled just enough at that statement that it made him smile. “And I wanna wake up beside you in the morning as well.”

She let out a soft sob as her hand found it’s way to his head. She tangled her fingers in his hair as she dragged his lips down to hers. He could most certainly get used to kissing her in his bed. That was for sure.

“But I don’t wanna rush this.” He could see the confusion in her eyes. But he understood her, more than she probably realized. “If you’re not ready for that. If you’re not in a position mentally and emotionally to take that kind of step, than we don’t have too.”

“It’s not that Ethan.” He sensed that she was probably more than willing to have sex with him. But she probably wasn’t prepared to cuddle with him afterward. Or to wake up beside him in the morning. Those were all things he wanted, but he didn’t know if she even knew what those things felt like.

“Than talk to me Rox.” He whispered. He wanted her to open up. God he wanted her to let him in.

“I don’t think I’m ready. For any of that.” She whispered back. 

And then it hit him. For the first time in her life she probably wasn’t prepared to jump in bed with a man. She was probably terrified. And that both worried and excited him.

“Than we don’t go any further than you’re willing to go.” He pressed a soft kiss against her forehead. And then one to her nose. And lastly, one against her lips. “We go slow.”

“Slow?” She sounded as if she didn’t even know what that meant.

In all reality, she probably didn’t.

“Slow.” He replied, settling his hand against her cheek once more. “You can stay the night if you want. We can cuddle. Or not. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping on opposite sides of the bed.” 

She offered him the softest smile then and he knew he was on to something. Maybe this whole relationship thing would work after all.

“Will you be here in the morning when I wake up?” He heard her voice catch in the middle of her question. 

He wondered how many times she had been told ‘yes’, only to wake to an empty bed.

“I have to be at work at 5:30am.” He whispered. He saw the disappointment in her eyes and he swallowed. “But… I will wake you before I leave and kiss you goodbye.”

A giant smile came to her face then and he couldn’t help but return it. She was beautiful when she smiled. Not that she wasn’t any other time of the day too.

“Promise?” She choked out her one word question and he felt the tears threaten to fall again.

She was incredibly broken and he hated it. 

But he swore right then and there that he was going to fix her. In whatever way he could.

“Promise.” He pressed a soft kiss against her lips then and when she wrapped her arms around his neck and tangled her fingers in his hair he felt his heart flutter in his chest.

He was willing to make, and keep, a lot of promises if she promised to never leave his side again.


	9. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in her entire life Rox hadn’t woken up to an empty bed. Too bad her companion was about to leave her for another twelve hour shift.

Rox had fallen asleep in Ethan’s arms a few minutes after his promise to wake her before he left for work in the morning. And it had blown her mind how incredibly comfortable she had felt there. 

It was almost like she belonged.

Like they were meant to be together.

She had never expected for it to happen like this. Never in a million years.

She figured that they would probably have sex and that she would probably then be on her way. That’s how it had always been before. She didn’t expect this to be any different.

Except it was different.

Very, very different.

And Ethan was unlike any other man she had ever met.

He was willing to take things ‘slow’. He was willing to hold her hand and take her on dates and spoil her. 

She had never been spoiled before.

And she couldn’t remember the last time she had been on more than one date with the same man. She didn’t think she ever had.

“Morning love.” Ethan’s groggy voice broke her from her thoughts and when she lifted her head up from it’s spot on the pillow he was hovering above her.

He had the most adorable bedhead and his eyes were still sleepy.

He was the most precious sight she had ever seen.

He was also the sexiest sight she had ever seen.

“Morning.” She whispered back. She blinked her eyes a few times as he ran his fingers through her hair.

This might be a new thing, but she could most certainly get used to it.

“I’m gonna go get ready for work.” He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before he pushed himself out of bed with a soft groan.

She imagined that he was probably still exhausted after the past few shifts he had pulled. She prayed that this would be a normal shift. Not a 60 hour shift.

“Okay.” She let out a yawn as she watched him grab his boxers and a t-shirt from the dresser and she rolled back onto her side, snuggling back under the warmth of the covers.

She had discovered last night that Ethan had the world’s most comfortable mattress.

He also had the world’s softest sheets. And the world’s warmest blankets.

Ethan himself had also proven to be the world’s most wonderful sleeping companion. He had held her tightly, but not too tight. And he didn’t snore or hog the covers or anything of the sort.

She could most definitely get used to sleeping here. Especially with him beside her.

She must have dozed back off because the next thing she knew Ethan was standing next to the bed fully clothed, a small on his face as he ran his fingers through her hair.

“I’ll try and sneak away to see you at PT today.” His words were quiet as he knelt down and pressed a kiss against her cheek.

“I’d like that.” She let out another yawn as she snuggled even further under the covers.

She heard him let out a soft chuckle and she felt her heart flutter in her chest. That sound was like music to her ears.

“I’ve got to go.” He whispered against her cheek. “I’ll see you later.”

“Wait!” She didn’t know what possessed her to call after him. Except for the fact that she was confused about something. “What do I do now?”

“What do you mean?” His question was soft and his eyes were curious.

“Do I have to leave?” She really didn’t want to leave. She hadn’t had such a good night’s rest in years.

“No silly.” He stepped back toward the bed, letting his hand rest against her cheek as he bent down. He pressed a kiss against her ear as he spoke. “Stay. Go back to sleep. I’ll leave a key by the door. It’s yours.”

She felt her heart start to thunder in her chest.

She had never been given a key to a man’s place before. Ever.

“You don’t have too.” She choked out. She wanted to cry. But she at least wanted to wait for him to leave.

“I want to.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek then before turning her head in his direction. He locked his eyes with hers. “It’s yours. Use it whenever you want. Or don’t use it all. It’s up to you.” He leaned in and pressed a feather light kiss against her lips then. “But I hope you use it. A lot.”

He offered her a wink with his words. But then he was pulling away and waving goodbye from the doorway and she couldn’t help but smile.

She could definitely get used to waking up like this.


	10. You Forgot Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan hadn’t wanted to say goodbye to Rox that morning. But he especially didn’t want to explain to his father why she was still asleep in his bed.

Ethan had been reluctant to say goodbye to Rox that morning. Especially when she looked so adorable curled up under his blankets with her chestnut hair wild against the pillow.

She looked like she belonged there.

He was honestly starting to believe that she did.

He had showered and gotten dressed before making his way downstairs for coffee. And then he had returned upstairs to tell her goodbye.

She had been the most adorable sight he had ever seen.

And when he had told her that he would leave her a key. Well, he had thought that his heart might explode at the excitement in her eyes.

He had kissed her goodbye before he could change his mind about leaving and he had been almost out the door when he heard his father’s voice behind him.

“You forgot something son.” He turned his attention toward his dad and raised an eyebrow.

If there was ever a time when he hated that his father was an early riser. This was it.

“What dad?” He was already going to be cutting it close. Not that he cared if he was late. At this point Campbell could kiss his ass.

“There’s a woman in your bed son.” Ethan rolled his eyes. The man made it sound like he was nineteen, not forty-six.

“Yes dad.” He let out a sigh as he leaned back against the door. He assumed there was a point to this inquisition. “Rox is going back to sleep. Which is what you should do.”

“You’re just going to leave her up there?” His dad almost looked ashamed. It’s not like he was dipping out on her. He had said goodbye and everything.

“I told her I was leaving.” He closed his eyes as he scrubbed a hand over them. “It’s early dad. I’m not gonna make her leave. She’s exhausted.”

“Well aren’t you a gentleman.” His father rolled his eyes this time and Ethan couldn’t help but chuckle.

“What do I suppose I do dad?” He was really curious as to what his father wanted him to do about this situation. He didn’t have much choice in the matter.

“Call out of work.” He wished that was an option. “You work too much as it is. You two need to rest.”

“I can’t call out dad.” He huffed. He would in a heart beat if he didn’t think Campbell would show up at his house and break down the door. “Leanne and Noa are both still out.”

“Not your fault son.” His dad had a point.

“I gotta go dad.” He wanted nothing more than to stay. Of that he was certain.

It was supposed to be a rather nasty day in the city. Rainy and slightly chillier than normal. September was certainly not starting off well for them.

He wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and tuck Rox back against his chest and waste the day away with her.

But he couldn’t. Not today. And probably not any time soon.

“You need to take some time off Ethan.” He could see the worry in his dad’s eyes. 

He understood that he was worried about him going off the deep end again.

That he was worried that he would lose it and start seeing dead people.

In all honesty, he was surprised that Robert hadn’t shown back up at his side after the way the past few weeks had gone.

“I will when the others get back.” He honestly had no idea when that would be.

Noa was scheduled to be back on Monday. A week from tomorrow. But he wasn’t entirely certain if that was still going to happen or not. His conversations with the girl had been short the last few days, him busy with work, her busy with recovering. He hadn’t exactly gotten a good grasp on her feelings about returning to Angels just yet.

And from what he understood, Leanne wasn’t scheduled to return for another few weeks. If she even did that. He knew that things with Ariel had been tough. That the summer had been hard on them both. He felt for the woman, and the teen, but he knew that Angels wasn’t the same without her.

“Soon Ethan.” His dad’s voice was pleading, his eyes soft as he tried to convey his feelings without having to actually vocalize them. “Before it’s too late.”

He didn’t miss the way his father’s eyes shifted upward toward his bedroom at his last statement.

He knew that Rox needed him. That she was struggling too.

He vowed that he would talk to Campbell today. That he would do his best to get some time off so that they could be together for a bit.

He knew it was a long shot. But he supposed if he threatened to quit that Will might just give in.

——

After his chat with his dad that morning Ethan had been on edge all day.

He just wanted to get the day over with and get home.

But more than anything, he just wanted to see Rox.

He had tried for an hour straight to get away so that he could sneak into PT with her. But he hadn’t been successful. He felt horrible. 

He just wanted to see her.

He knew that she wanted to see him just as bad.

_Sorry I couldn’t get away. It’s hell down here. XO_

He felt ridiculous signing his text with a hug and kiss. He wasn’t fourteen for Christ’s sake.

_It’s okay. Rough day. I wasn’t much for company._

He let out a huff. She had been having more rough days than good days and he wondered if they were pushing her too hard.

He understood that PT was a delicate process. But sometimes therapists forgot about the mental and emotional injuries and solely focused on the physical ones. He feared that’s what was happening to her.

_You okay? You still here? Come downstairs and find me if you are._

He let out a huff as his patient growled at him again. This man was surely going to be the reason he lost his job.

He had given up on trying to get the tests done that he needed and instead he had mumbled at Jesse to take care of it. Something about having the special touch and knowing just what to do.

Jesse had chuckled at his words, but he sensed that the head nurse understood his desire to step away for a minute.

He had just reached for his stack of charts when he saw Rox out of the corner of his eye and he froze in his place. He waited to see if she would come find him like he had asked.

She stopped and chatted with Elliot for a second before her eyes locked with his from across the room.

He offered her a smile. Which she greatly returned and then she pulled her phone from her pocket, gesturing toward it with her head.

_Can you sneak away for a cup of coffee?_

He swallowed as he read her message. For her he would sneak away for anything.

_Give me five minutes. :)_

He desperately needed to finish this chart before he went away. He knew that Campbell was waiting to get this patient upstairs as soon as everything had been squared away.

He watched as she nodded her head before sliding her phone back into her jacket pocket. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the small smile on her face.

“Flirting with our resident paramedic again are we?” Jesse’s voice caused him to roll his eyes.

“What’s it to you?” He knew that Jesse was just joking with him. He hoped that he understood that he was joking back.

“She’s a tough cookie.” He patted his arm then, eyeing him softly. “I think you two would be good together.”

“Is that so?” He raised an eyebrow as his eyes lifted upward and across the room again. 

But the object of his desire had moved on and was no longer in his line of vision.

“She’s been through some rough stuff.” The softness of Jesse’s voice made his heart hurt. So his guesses about Rox’s rough past were true. “I think you could help bring her out of that.”

“I plan to try.” He offered the other man a soft smile, and a wink, before placing the chart back in it’s spot and heading in the direction he had seen Rox disappear in.

He was most certainly willing to try and fix her. If she wanted fixing. And he was most certainly willing to bring her out of a rough patch if that’s what she needed.


	11. Lovestruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox didn’t want to feel this way about Ethan. But the closer he got to her, the more in love she became.

Rox shouldn’t have been nervous to have coffee with Ethan.

It was something they used to do all the time.

But that was before.

Before the accident. Before he had kind of sort of admitted that he loved her. Before she had spent the night in his bed.

A few months ago she wouldn’t have batted her eyelashes at a coffee date with the man.

But today, she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking as she waited for him outside of Angels.

He had told her that he needed a few minutes.

She figured he was probably going to take more than a few.

But then he appeared her in periphery four minutes after she had walked away from Center Stage. And she felt her heart stop in her chest.

“Hey you.” His voice was soft and sweet and held nothing of the frustration from him that she expected.

“Hi.” She whispered back. 

Here she was, back to being the nervous school girl again.

She felt like she was talking to her crush for the first time again.

She felt ridiculous.

“Coffee?” His eyes twinkled in the early afternoon light and she had to swallow to keep from slamming him against the wall and having her way with him right then and there.

“Sure.” Yep, back to the one syllable answers again.

She hated that he made her feel like this.

Although, she supposed, it could be worse.

“Dad wants to know if you want to come over for dinner tonight.” His statement was quiet and she certainly didn’t expect it.

“He does, does he?” She knew Martin was up to something.

Probably trying to arrange their marriage if she had to guess.

“He said he was gonna cook.” Ethan shrugged his shoulders as they walked side by side. “Figured he would ask.”

“Okay.” She whispered. She felt Ethan’s fingers brush against her hand and her heart started racing in her chest. “I suppose dinner would be nice.”

“Good.” He finally tangled his fingers with hers and she felt her heart start to panic.

She wasn’t a ‘holding hands’ kind of girl. Not that she pegged Ethan for that kind of guy. And yet, here they were, walking down the street holding hands.

She wondered how long before they ran into someone they knew.

She bet Ethan would drop her hand immediately then.

“Seven okay?” His question startled her from her thoughts.

“Seven is fine.” She felt him slow down as they neared the coffee shop.

And then he was holding the door open for her. And his hand was on her back while they ordered. And he was smiling at her from across the table with nothing but love in his eyes.

She didn’t want to be so deeply in love with him.

She didn’t want to feel like this so soon.

But she couldn’t help it.

She was lovestruck. 

And she both hated it and loved it.

——

After their coffee break Ethan had walked her back to the hospital parking lot.

Emo was waiting for her. A giant smile on her face when she saw who she was holding hands with upon arrival.

Ethan had just chuckled when she made a comment about it being about time.

Rox couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

But then Ethan kissed her softly and told her that he would see her later.

And then he had been gone.

And her heart suddenly felt very empty.

She had gone home and showered and taken a four hour nap. PT had kicked her butt again that morning and she was sore in places that she didn’t know she could be sore in.

When she woke up her clock read 5:45pm.

She still had an hour to kill before she would have to leave to go have dinner with Ethan and his dad.

That thought still sent chills down her spine.

She wondered what Martin was up to. Hell, she wondered what Ethan was up to too.

“Care to give me the details on what’s going on between you and Ethan?” Emo’s humorous voice broke through the silence of her bedroom and she rolled her eyes.

She had expected the woman to go home after dropping her off. Apparently not.

“We had coffee.” She really didn’t want to go into details about what was happening between them.

In fact, she didn’t even know what was happening between them.

“You were also holding hands.” She said softly, moving to sit in the chair against the far wall. “And he kissed you goodbye.”

“We…” She took a deep breath. 

She didn’t know how to explain it to Emo. She didn’t know how to explain it to anyone. Including herself.

“Did you spend the night with him last night?” Emo’s question sent her mind on a tangent.

“Yes.” She didn’t know why she answered honestly.

“Did you two sleep together?” She knew Emo’s question was out of both curiosity and concern.

The woman knew all about her history with men. Or, better yet, her lack there of.

She knew that she wasn’t a relationship kind of girl. That things were always strictly physical and nothing more. She probably figured that if she had had sex with Ethan that would mean the end was in sight.

That was how it had always worked before.

“We didn’t have sex if that’s what your inquiring.” And it was true. They hadn’t. They had simply cuddled. All night long. And then she had remained sleeping in his bed until the very absolute last minute that she could.

“So what happened then?” She rolled her eyes at her aunt’s comment.

“We slept.” She shrugged her shoulders as she pushed herself from the bed.

She was so exhausted. She just wanted to go back to bed.

She wondered if Ethan and Martin would be disappointed if she took a rain check on dinner.

But then she realized that she would be more disappointed than probably either one of them.

“You slept?” She could see the surprise in Emo’s eyes. “Just slept?”

“Just slept.” She pulled open her dresser and grabbed a clean pair of leggings and another t-shirt. 

She hoped that Ethan didn’t mind that she looked like a bum 24/7 these days. She really wasn’t feeling the whole ‘clothing thing’ quite yet.

“No sex?” Emo almost sounded disappointed.

“No sex.” Part of her was too. But it was a part that was more interested in being tangled up naked in his sheets than anything else.

“Well damn.” She let out a chuckle. That was how she felt too. “Did you at least make out a little?”

She wanted to tell her about how they had made out on his couch earlier. Only to be interrupted by his father. But she figured that was a better story for another time.

“We kissed.” She stopped in her tracks just before exiting the small room. “A little.”

“I’m in shock.” She could see the surprise on her aunt’s face. “I mean, this is good. But it’s still shocking.”

“I know.” She was shocked with herself as well. She wanted nothing more than to have sex with Ethan. But a bigger part of her was terrified of taking that step and then not being able to go back.

She didn’t want whatever this was with him to end like every other ‘relationship’ she had ever had did. She wanted an actual relationship with him. She liked the way he made it sound.

“So what now?” Emo’s question was good.

She had no idea what now.

“I don’t know.” She felt a little lost at saying those words out loud.

“Did you two talk about it?” She simply nodded her head in reply.

They had talked. Sort of. 

He had told her that he wanted this.

He had given her a key to his place.

He had basically invited her into every aspect of his life.

“Sort of.” She whispered.

She wished she had a more concrete answer.

“Well then you two should talk more.” Emo reached out and patted her arm gently as she offered her a soft smile. 

“Yeah.” She made a promise to herself to make sure that they did just that tonight. “We will.”

And they would.

They would have too.

Because she wanted this and he seemed to want this and she needed some sort of idea of where this was all headed.


	12. A Little Too Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last thing Ethan wanted to do was to push Rox over the edge, but damn did her lips feel good pressed against his.

Ethan had been sad that he’d had to say goodbye to Rox so quickly earlier.

He had wanted their coffee date to last all afternoon.

But he knew that he needed to get back and that he needed to finish working, especially if he wanted to get out of there in time to have dinner with her and his dad.

He wondered what his father was up to.

Clearly he knew that they were already something. It’s not like he needed to set them up or anything.

He had struggled to get through the rest of his shift. His mind on one thing and one thing only.

Getting home, showering, and seeing Rox. Preferably in that order considering he was 97% certain there was blood in his hair at this point of the day.

He had gotten out right at 5:30pm and he had ridden his bike home faster than he probably should have.

His dad had said 7:00pm. And that is what he had told Rox. And she was punctual if she was anything.

After showering he had stood in front of his closet and stared at his clothes.

He felt like a teenager going on a first date.

This was absolutely insane.

He was a grown man. His father was cooking dinner for Christ’s sake. 

It sure as fuck didn’t matter what he wore.

“Ethan!” He heard his father’s voice bellow from downstairs and he rolled his eyes.

Yep, just like being a teenager.

“Coming!” He grabbed the only clean pair of jeans his eyes could find and pulled them on just as his father hollered his name once more. 

The man’s impatience was doing little for his temper right now.

He yanked a t-shirt on as he made his way toward the stairs and he grabbed the closest flannel shirt he could find.

He was still not a fan of the fact that September felt more like November.

If he were living back East he wouldn’t mind it so much.

But dammit, this was LA, he figured he still had at least two more months of summer like weather left.

“What’s up dad?” He watched as his father turned toward him and rolled his eyes.

He probably knew exactly what kind of dilemma he had been having.

“Need you to set the table.” He offered him what he guessed was supposed to be a supportive smile. “It’s almost 7:00.”

“On it.” He grabbed plates from the cabinet just as he heard a door slam shut outside.

He wasn’t nearly as prepared for this as he should be.

And he was far more nervous about it than normal.

“Sounds like she’s here.” He rolled his eyes at the man’s comment. Sometimes his ability to state the obvious was annoying.

“Yep.” He went about his business though. Setting the table as he silently tried to calm his nerves.

He wondered what was taking her so long.

He just wanted her to come inside so that he could see her again.

He silently berated himself for being so indecisive about his feelings toward her at the given moment.

——

Ethan had been thankful that his dad seemed to keep his cool through dinner.

He had also been thankful that if either one of them noticed how nervous he was, they didn’t say anything about it.

Rox had offered to do the dishes. And he had agreed to help her.

He just wanted to be close to her.

He regretted that decision as soon as his father left them alone.

“We should talk.” She whispered as she handed him a plate to dry off.

“Okay.” He knew that nothing good could from those words.

He felt his heart start to race in his chest.

He was going to lose her wasn’t he? He was going to lose her and he had no idea how to make it stop.

“It’s nothing bad Ethan.” She must have sensed his worry because she laid a soapy hand against his arm as she offered him a soft smile.

“Okay.” He didn’t know how to form any other words.

He was terrified. Absolutely fucking terrified.

He had just gotten her in his arms.

He didn’t want to lose her already.

“Are you okay?” She asked a few minutes later.

They had continued to wash and dry the dishes in silence and he guessed that maybe he had gotten lost somewhere in the mix.

“Yeah.” He tried to offer her a smile. He tried to show her that he was okay. But he would have been lying if he had told her that he was.

“That was the last dish.” She whispered.

“Thanks.” He put the bowl back in it’s spot in the cabinet as she dried her hands off on the extra towel.

He kept his back turned to her as he took a deep breath.

He could do this. He had to do this.

He was a grown man for fucks sake. He shouldn’t be afraid of her breaking up with him.

If you could even call what they had something worthy of being broken up with.

“Ethan.” She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, urging him to turn.

And he did. But the sight of her standing in his kitchen in her leggings and t-shirt, her hair slightly frizzy from it’s contact with the rain earlier, did him in.

And the next thing he knew his lips were hot against hers as he backed her against the kitchen counter. 

She let out a low moan as she tangled her hands in his hair as his fingers found her hips.

He said a silent prayer that his father stayed the hell out of the kitchen for a while.

He wanted to speak. He wanted to tell her that he loved her and that he wasn’t ready to give her up just yet.

But he couldn’t make words form in his throat. 

So instead he dropped his head down and pressed his lips against her neck.

She tightened her fingers around his now unruly hair as he pushed his hips against hers.

He wanted her so badly that it was driving him insane.

“Ethan…” She breathed out his name in a soft whimper and he nipped at the skin of her neck as he pushed his hands under her t-shirt.

Her skin was warm and soft and everything he imagined it would be. 

“Need you.” He whispered against her shoulder. He nudged her t-shirt aside as best he could to give him better access.

“Ethan.” She whispered his name this time, her hands falling to his shoulders with a whimper. “Stop.” She pleaded. She sounded a little heartbroken, and frankly a little scared, and it stopped him in his tracks.

“Rox.” He pulled back and let his right hand cup her cheek gently. “Baby. I’m sorry.”

He dropped his forehead to hers at the sight of the tears in her eyes.

He couldn’t believe he had done this to her.

She had come here to talk. Probably to end things with him.

And he had tried to take advantage of her against his kitchen counter.

He was a first rate douchebag if there ever was one.

“It’s okay.” She let out a soft sob and he closed his eyes as he wrapped his arm around her waist gently.

“No it’s not.” He whispered his words as he cupped her head gently in his hand.

He felt horrible for scaring her like that.

“I should have stopped.” He shouldn’t have even started in the first place.

“Can we…” She hesitated as she let her hands fall down to rest against his chest. He could practically hear the wheels turning in her head. “Can we just lay down for a bit?”

“Of course.” He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before pulling back and letting his arms fall to his sides. “Couch?”

She shook her head back and forth and he watched as she swallowed.

“Upstairs.” She whispered. 

He watched as her eyes shifted down the hallway in the direction his dad had disappeared too.

“Gotcha.” He was thankful that she was just as worried about his father appearing at the wrong moment as he was. 

They made their way upstairs in silence but when she paused three quarters of the way up and gripped the railing tightly he couldn’t help but reach for her.

“You okay?” He wrapped an arm around her waist as he stopped next to her.

He knew that she had had a rough day in PT.

He could only imagine that slamming her back against the counter earlier didn’t do her any favors either.

He felt like even more of an ass now.

“Yeah.” She barely got out the word and he leaned forward to press a kiss against her head.

“Take your time.” He whispered.

He didn’t want to push her any farther than he already had.

Especially when it came to her still healing injuries.

They stood there for a good ten minutes before he heard his father make his way down the hall. He watched as the older man stopped at the bottom of the stairs and raised an eyebrow.

“Need some help?” His question was soft and Ethan simply shook his head ‘no’. His father nodded back and thankfully made his way back down the hall.

He was thankful for the man’s presence, but he was also thankful for the man’s absence as well.

“Let’s get you to bed.” He pressed another kiss against her ear before gently urging her forward.

She complied, taking the last few steps slow as he kept his arm around her waist for support.

They stopped when they got to the bedroom and he pushed the door open quietly.

He watched as she pulled from his grasp then.

He instantly felt like a piece of him was missing.

But then she was crawling into his bed and curling up on her side and my God if she didn’t look like she belonged there.

“Give me two minutes.” He whispered.

She simply nodded her head against the pillow before closing her eyes.

When he stepped out of the bathroom a few minutes later she was on her back and he noted that she had taken off her shirt, and her bra, and had opted for a t-shirt of his instead.

He said a silent prayer that she at least grabbed one that was clean.

He climbed in next to her quietly, letting his arm drape softly over her stomach.

“You okay?” He asked softly. 

He felt her snuggle against his chest as she turned her head to look at him.

“Yeah.” She whispered back. He could see how exhausted she was and he felt bad.

She probably should have stayed home and rested.

“Try and sleep love.” He pressed a kiss against her forehead as she offered him a simple nod.

And then her eyes were closing as she rolled onto her side, tucking herself against his chest with a soft whimper.

He felt his heart clench in his chest.

He felt horrible for having pushed her too far.

He felt horrible for making her feel like this.

He wished that he could take it all back.

But more than anything, he wished that he could just get his Rox back.

The fun loving, carefree woman who had stolen his heart and refused to give it back.


	13. Timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox certainly hadn’t intended on spending a second night in a row at Ethan’s place. But damn did it feel good to wake up in his arms.

Rox woke with a whimper, her hand gripping tightly to the material under her hands.

She heard a soft hush come from nearby. A gentle hand tangling in her hair. A set of lips against her forehead as she gripped tighter at the fabric.

“I’m here Rox.” Ethan’s voice was the last one she expected to hear.

“Ethan?” She blinked her eyes a few times, her fingers loosening their hold when she realized that she was gripping the material of his t-shirt.

“Just me babe.” He whispered. He pressed another kiss to her head and she couldn’t help but shiver.

She certainly hadn’t intended on spending the night last night. And yet, here she was, snuggled in Ethan’s arms once again. 

She could hear the rain hitting the window outside. She could hear the thunder rolling in the distance.

She hated storms.

Absolutely fucking hated them.

She was beyond thankful to be here with Ethan instead of home alone.

She sensed this would be a bad one.

“Time is it?” She felt her voice crack as she blinked her eyes a few times.

“Little after six.” He pressed his lips against her forehead again as he let his fingers drift down and over her neck. “Go back to sleep.”

“What about work?” She didn’t want him to leave. She wanted him to stay right where he was. 

And she wanted to stay put too.

“Don’t have to be there until tonight.” She could hear the grogginess in his voice. “What time’s your PT appointment?”

“Noon.” God she didn’t even want to think about leaving the comfort of Ethan’s bed to go to that dreaded place.

“I’ll take you.” He whispered his words as he rolled onto his back.

He tucked her against his side as he let out a sigh.

She couldn’t get over how incredibly right this felt.

“Sleep.” He closed his eyes as he dropped his head against hers. “My alarm’s set for 9ish.”

“Okay.” She couldn’t help but snuggle closer as she let out a contended sigh.

She felt herself start to doze off before she knew what was happening. She couldn’t remember a time when she had ever felt so relaxed in a man’s arms.

——

Ethan’s alarm had gone off at 9:30am and he had stumbled to the bathroom for a shower while she snuggled into the warm and empty spot on the bed.

The next time she woke up it was almost 11:00am and she let out a huff as she pushed herself from the bed.

She could hear the radio playing downstairs. The sound of Ethan moving around in the living room making her feel a little more at ease.

There was something about the domestic image being painted in her head that made her heart swell.

She stretched her arms above her head and that’s when she remembered that she was wearing his shirt. A shirt that smelled a lot like him. A shirt that she no intention of giving back.

Changing back into her bra and t-shirt from yesterday she grabbed the flannel shirt that Ethan had had on last night, sliding her arms into the sleeves as she pulled the item close. It smelled like him too. 

Like safety and comfort and all the things she had never associated with a man before.

Smiling to herself she made her way down the stairs slowly, stopping to watch him for a few minutes before making her way toward him. 

He looked rather relaxed, standing there in loose fitting jeans and a gray t-shirt. He was humming along to whatever tune was playing on the radio.

Something she didn’t recognize, but instantly appreciated.

“Have a nice little nap?” She instantly hated his fine tuned training.

She kind of wanted to sneak up on him. 

To wrap her arms around his waist and nuzzle his neck.

She wanted to prove to him that this was okay.

That they were okay and that things were fine and that this was exactly where she wanted to be.

“Yeah.” She felt a yawn leave her mouth and she rolled her eyes when he chuckled.

“Still tired?” He still hadn’t turned around and she let out a sigh as she dropped to the couch.

“A little.” He turned toward her then and she couldn’t help but smile when his eyes went wide.

“That’s my shirt.” He pointed in her direction and she rolled her eyes once more.

“I was cold.” She shrugged her shoulders as he let out a laugh.

She watched as he turned back to his work. She honestly could have sat there all day and stared at him sanding a damn wall.

“Want some food before I take you to PT?” She hadn’t even thought of lunch.

“Yeah.” She let out another yawn as she rose from the couch and made her way into the kitchen.

She didn’t know what possessed her to search his fridge all on her own, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“There’s leftovers from last night in there.” She noticed where the food from last night had been put away and she figured that was her best bet at this point.

“Want some?” She went about heating the lasagna up and she heard him set down the sander and make his toward her.

“Yes please.” He stopped behind her, his hands settling on her hips softly.

She turned to face him then, letting her hands move to rest against his chest.

“Hi.” She whispered.

She felt like a school girl. Getting all giddy in front of her crush.

“Hi.” He whispered back.

She could tell that his feelings were mutual.

“Thanks for letting me stay.” It’s not like she expected him to kick her out.

But she was still shocked that he hadn’t turned her away after she had turned down his advances last night.

“I wasn’t gonna send you home.” He whispered as he brought one hand up to push her hair back. She was regretting not having thrown her brush into her bag last night. “You were exhausted.”

“That I was.” She was thankful that he understood her exhaustion.

“We good?” He dropped his forehead against hers with a soft sigh.

“Yeah.” She let her hands wander up to grip his cheeks gently between her palms. “We’re good.”

She dragged his lips down to hers then, kissing him softly as she let her fingers tangle in his hair.

She felt him smile into the kiss and she tugged him closer as he ran his tongue along her lips.

She granted him access just as she heard the front door open behind them.

God dammit she really hated his father’s timing.

“Oh geez.” Martin’s voice was humorous as he shut the door behind him.

She felt Ethan pull a hand from her hip and she watched as he flipped him the bird.

She couldn’t help but chuckle as she dropped her head against his chest.

They really, really needed somewhere more private to do their kissing.


	14. Setbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox faces a few setbacks, but as long as she has Ethan by her side, she’s prepared for whatever comes her way.

Ethan had dropped her off at PT with a gentle kiss and a promise that he would pick her up in an hour and take her back to his place so that she could get her car.

She had been twenty minutes into her session when her hip had started to hurt.

An unimaginable amount of pain that she had never felt before.

She let out a strangled sob before begging her instructor to call Ethan.

She had tried to push her through another five minutes on the treadmill but Rox had screamed at her that she needed to stop and that she needed Ethan.

He had appeared at her side ten minutes later and she had collapsed against his chest with a sob.

She couldn’t remember being in this much pain. Ever. She felt like her whole leg was on her fire. Like her hip and her back were being crushed with every passing second.

Ethan had called in Jesse for reinforcement and they had moved her downstairs in a wheelchair and gotten her a bed before she could even wrap her mind around what was happening.

They had quickly started an IV and Jesse had given her something for the pain as Ethan checked her vitals.

He had tucked her in and pressed a kiss against her forehead before heading off to find Campbell for some assistance.

When she awoke a few hours later it was quiet and she had been moved from sides and into a room of her own.

A perk of being ‘one of their own’ she supposed.

“Ethan?” Her mind wandered back to a few weeks ago when she had woken up in a similar situation and called his name repeatedly. Only to find that he was nowhere in sight.

“Hey.” She felt his hand tighten around hers and she let out a shaky breath.

She had never been more thankful to hear his voice.

“What happened?” She noticed that she wasn’t in as much pain as she had been earlier. Whether that was from the pain meds or not, she wasn’t certain.

“Not sure.” He whispered, reaching up to brush her hair aside as he let the back of his hand move to rest against her forehead. “You spiked a fever. Campbell thinks infection.” She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. “I’m inclined to agree.”

“How?” She felt him squeeze her hand again.

“The kidney you still have must be overworking itself.” She opened her eyes and locked them with his. He looked downright exhausted.

She wondered what time it was.

“I told them I needed to slow down.” And she had. She had told her PT instructor yesterday and the day before that she needed to rest.

She knew something was wrong.

She knew something wasn’t right.

She hated herself for not being more strong willed.

The woman that she was before the accident would have put her foot her down.

“I know.” He let his thumb brush along her cheek and that’s when she realized that she had been crying. “Campbell’s already spoken to them.”

She felt a sob escape and she reached up to wipe at her eyes.

She just wanted to go home.

She was so tired of hospitals and IVs and being miserable.

“I just wanna go home.” She whispered.

“I know baby.” He pressed a gentle kiss against her knuckles as he eyed her softly. “Two days max. Campbell’s orders.”

She rolled her eyes at his words. 

Dammit Campbell was making her life very difficult right now.

“I’m tired.” She could feel her eyes getting heavy.

She felt like she could sleep for days.

“Sleep babe.” He stood then, cupping her cheek gently as he leaned down and pressed a kiss against her forehead. “It’s late. You should rest.”

“What time?” She felt a yawn leave her lips and she squeezed his hand.

She wanted him to stay right there with her and never leave.

“A little after midnight.” Her fears about it being the middle of his shift were coming true.

“You’re working?” She hated that he couldn’t be by her side.

“Yeah.” He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “I’m gonna keep coming to check on you though okay?” 

She nodded her head as another yawn tried to escape.

“Sleep.” Another kiss and another hand squeeze and then he was pulling away from her and heading out the door with a longing look and a soft smile.

She would have slept so much better if he had been holding her.

She certainly had slept well the past few nights that way.

——

The next time she woke up Emo was by her side and she let out a sigh.

She was having flashbacks to being in San Diego.

And she didn’t like it one bit.

“Hey there sleepyhead.” But the voice that she heard coming from her left side didn’t belong to Emo and when she turned her head in it’s direction she was pleasantly surprised to see Ethan at her side as well.

“Hi.” She blinked her eyes as she watched him check her IV.

He offered her a soft smile as he ran his fingers along her arm.

“I’ll leave you two lovebirds be.” She felt Emo squeeze her right hand before moving toward the door and she didn’t miss the chuckle that escaped Ethan’s lips.

“She’s a hoot.” He whispered.

“She’s something.” She whispered back.

She watched as he moved around to the other side of the bed, taking Emo’s vacated seat.

“How you feeling?” He took her hand gently in his and brought it up to his lips, pressing a kiss against her knuckles just like he had done earlier.

“Better.” She wasn’t lying. She did feel better.

She hoped that that was enough to make them let her go home.

She would feel so much better if she could just be curled up in bed with Ethan.

“That’s good.” She could see the exhaustion in his eyes.

She wondered if he had gone home at all.

“Have you been home?” She locked her eyes with his and she noted that he shook his head back and forth before leaning back in the chair.

He kept a gentle hold of her hand as he closed his eyes.

“Nope.” His voice was soft and sleepy and her mind flashed back to how gorgeous that sound had been when she had heard it for the first time.

“How long have we been here?” She felt horrible that he was giving up what little free time he probably had to be with her.

She was thankful for it all the same.

“Over twenty four hours.” Damn, she didn’t feel like it had been that long. “Campbell said as long as your fever doesn’t come back you can go home in the morning.”

“Thank God.” She whispered.

She just wanted a shower and clean clothes and a bed. 

Preferably a shower with Ethan in it. And one of his clean shirts. And his bed.

But she didn’t want to be too picky.

“He wants you to stay with someone.” He whispered. “Or have someone stay with you.” His eyes shifted toward her before he dropped his head. “He wants you to take it easy. No PT for a few weeks. Lots of fluids and rest. All the fun stuff.”

She let her head fall back against the pillow with a huff, her eyes blinking back a round of tears.

She just wanted to return to normal.

“I’ll ask Emo I guess.” She would much rather it be him. But she didn’t know if that would be crossing a line they hadn’t yet established.

“Okay.” She could hear the disappointment in his voice.

She was echoing it in her head.

“Unless you wanna do it?” She turned her head in his direction as she opened her eyes.

She saw a flash of something come across his face and she couldn’t help the small smile that came to her lips.

“If you want.” He squeezed her hand as he offered her a soft smile.

“I think I’d prefer your cuddles to hers.” He let out a chuckle at her statement and she couldn’t help but join him.

“I’ll stay with you then.” He pressed a kiss against her knuckles once more and she squeezed his hand in return. “No stairs.”

She nodded her head in agreement. She might have liked Ethan’s place, but she hated those damned stairs.

“That and we won’t have my father hovering over us 24/7.” She could see the humor in his eyes, the way he was doing his best to hide his nervousness about staying with her.

“Thank goodness for that.” She smiled at him as she relaxed back against the pillow.

She could feel her body getting tired once more and she just wanted to sleep.

She felt Ethan reach out and pull the blanket back up over her chest, tucking it in under her chin. He pressed a soft kiss to her head as she closed her eyes and she slowly drifted off to sleep.


	15. Cranky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox was probably the crankiest grown woman that Ethan had ever met.

Ethan had agreed to stay with Rox so that she could get out of the hospital in a timely fashion.

He had agreed to stay with Rox because he was madly in love with her and wanted to spend every waking second that he could by her side.

He had agreed to stay with Rox because she wasn’t quite herself and was struggling to get around.

He, however, did not agree to stay with Rox so that he could put up with her crankiness.

She was quite literally driving him insane.

And he was almost certain, that if Campbell didn’t call him into work in the next hour, that one of the two of them was going to wind up losing their marbles.

And it was most certainly not going to be her.

“Eeettthaaan.” She dragged his name out in a way that she knew bugged him endlessly.

He never should have told her about that pet peeve.

“What Rox?” He closed his eyes as he slammed his head against the refrigerator door gently.

He had only been here two days and he was already having ‘send her to the moon’ moments.

She was driving him absolutely bonkers.

“I’m hungry.” He didn’t understand how she could possibly be hungry.

It was two in the morning.

And he had already gotten her a bowl of ice cream.

And an apple.

And a glass of orange juice.

She was worse than a pregnant woman.

“You’re definitely never going to sleep if you keep eating woman!” He closed his eyes when he heard her let out a huff from the bedroom.

She had been placed on strict bed rest for 72 hours.

That meant no walking. Nothing. Nothing at all.

He had even had to escort her to the bathroom several times because she was in so much pain.

But on top of that, laying in bed for the past 48 hours, had made her cranky. Very, very cranky.

And she hadn’t been able to sleep thanks to all the pain she was in.

Which made her even more cranky.

She was seriously reminding him of a toddler and he had no problem telling her that.

“But…” He let out a growl that caused her to pause her words.

He was going to murder her.

Plain and simple.

He was going to murder her and then he was going to go to jail.

Or a mental institution.

At this point, he figured either one was better than being here.

“No buts Rox!” He hollered back. He pushed himself from the fridge and made his way down the hallway quietly.

He paused outside her bedroom door, his eyes softening at the sight of her.

She had finally found a position in which she didn’t seem to be in excruciating pain and she actually looked slightly relaxed for once.

Her eyes were heavy and he could see the dark circles under them.

He had tried to convince her to take some pain meds.

Both for his sanity, and hers, but she had refused.

“Ethan.” She let out a soft whimper and he could tell that it was getting to her as much as it was getting to him.

“Yes love?” He moved into the room with a gentle sigh and he dropped down to sit next to her on the bed.

He hadn’t been able to lay with her or hold her since she came home from Angels.

She had been in entirely too much pain.

And she had been entirely too fidgety.

He had kept his distance for his safety and hers.

“Will you lay with me?” He knew that she was going to catch on eventually.

That she was going to realize that he had been avoiding her.

Not because he didn’t want to be near her. But because he was trying to control himself.

Something that was hard to do when she was in his arms.

“Please.” She whispered her plea, her eyes dampening as she swallowed.

He could tell that she was hurting and he just wanted to take away her pain.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” He whispered back.

And that part was true. He was afraid that he would hurt her. That he would touch her in the wrong spot or push on her in the wrong way and that it would send shockwaves through her body.

It had happened at the hospital when Jesse had tried to help her into her wheelchair.

It had happened the first night at her place when she had demanded a shower and Emo had tried to help her.

Needless to say, she never got her shower.

“You won’t.” He could see her trembling, her hands shaking as she reached out for him with a soft sob. “Please.”

“Okay babe.” He couldn’t tell her ‘no’. Not when she was looking up at him like a lost puppy. Not when he could tell that every part of her body, and soul, was hurting.

He gently moved himself so that he was laying down beside her, his hand reaching out to pull the covers up over them both. She let out a contended sigh as he settled his hand on her cheek then. 

He wanted to wrap her up in his arms but he knew that her side and back were hurting her more than he could probably imagine. He didn’t want to make things worse with the added pressure of his arm around her waist.

“Try and sleep love.” He whispered. 

He leaned in and pressed a kiss against her forehead, letting his lips linger there as he brushed her tears back with his thumb.

He felt her settle herself into the pillows a little bit more before letting out another sigh as she closed her eyes shut tight.

It didn’t take her long to slip off, her breaths evening out as he dragged his fingers through her hair gently.

He wondered if simply crawling into bed with her sooner would have helped ease her woes and allowed her to sleep earlier.

He figured that maybe he could keep himself in the bed beside her from here on out if that’s what it took.

Lord knows he couldn’t handle anymore of her crankiness.

No matter how much he loved her.


	16. Heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox was certain that she was going to drive Ethan away before she even had the chance to really get to be with him. But Ethan, like always, was full of surprises.

Rox had been shocked that Ethan had given in to her pleas and climbed in bed with her.

She knew that she was driving him crazy.

She knew that he was on the verge of walking out and leaving her to fend for herself.

She hated that she was like this.

“Babe?” His voice was quiet and sleepy and oh so sexy and she couldn’t help the flutter that shot through her body. “You okay?”

It was still early. Too early to be awake as far as she was concerned.

Especially given the fact that they hadn’t fallen asleep until after 2:00am.

She felt him tighten his arm around her waist as he nuzzled his nose against her forehead.

“Tired.” She couldn’t remember a time when she had ever been so exhausted. Or in so much pain.

She knew that she should take the pain meds they had given her at Angels.

She knew that she was being stupid by trying to be strong.

“It hurts.” She whispered.

She felt him press a kiss against her forehead before offering her a soothing hush.

“Try and sleep babe.” She could tell that he was exhausted. And rightfully so.

Taking care of her was a full time job.

“Can’t.” She honestly didn’t know why she couldn’t sleep either.

She was exhausted.

Her entire body ached from head to toe.

Her mind was all fuzzy and she felt like she was being weighed down.

“Why not?” She should have known that he would inquire about her reasons.

She wanted to answer him. But she didn’t know what to say.

“Don’t know.” She did know that forming words was becoming difficult and she hated it.

“Well, try and relax.” He pressed yet another kiss against her skin, his hand rubbing gently up and down her back.

“I’m trying.” She growled back. She hated that she was getting angry with him. He didn’t deserve this.

“What can I do to help?” And he especially didn’t deserve it when he was being so sweet and gentle with her.

He had done nothing but take care of her and love on her since they had gotten home over 24 hours ago.

He had been by her side every second.

He didn’t deserve to be treated like he didn’t care about her.

“Nothing.” And yet, she didn’t know how to tell him to help her.

She didn’t know what she needed anymore than he did.

And it killed her.

“Well, just…” She heard him let out a sigh. He was trying to stay patient, and he was failing. That much she could tell. “Just try love. I’m right here if you need me.”

She simply nodded her head at his words.

She didn’t know what else to say.

She didn’t know how to make this better.

——

The next time she woke up she was alone and the spot beside her had long ago gone cold.

She hated waking up alone.

Especially since she found out just how nice it was to wake up with Ethan by her side.

She blinked her eyes a few times before slowly rolling over onto her back.

She didn’t hear any sounds of movement from anywhere else in the house and she let out a sigh.

He must have finally left her.

She got ready to push herself up and out of the bed when the door opened slowly.

Ethan stuck his head in and let his eyes scan the room.

He offered her a soft smile when he finally realized that she was awake.

“Hey you.” He whispered as he moved toward the bed.

He had showered in the hours since he had woken.

He was dressed in running pants and a t-shirt and he looked more delicious than she ever remembered him having looked before.

Except for maybe that time he wore his uniform to his brother’s friend’s funeral. 

She knew that she shouldn’t have been having impure thoughts about him with all the tragedy going on around them.

But damn did he look good in blue.

“Hi.” She whispered back.

She hoped that he would crawl back in bed with her and just hold her.

That was honestly all she wanted right now.

“How do you feel?” His question was soft and she couldn’t help but feel her heart race at his gentleness.

“Tired.” She was so tired of being so tired. “Sore.”

And she was tired of being sore. Her back felt like someone was driving a knife through it over and over and over again.

“Can I do anything?” She knew that he just wanted to help.

But she felt needy enough as it was.

She didn’t know if asking him to just lay there and hold her was a good idea.

“I just…” She closed her eyes as she sank back against the pillows with a sigh. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

She felt his fingers brush over her cheek as he let out a soft chuckle.

She wasn’t sure what was so funny. Had she missed something? Had she said a joke that she wasn’t aware of?

“Well I’m right here.” She opened her eyes up only to find him staring back at her softly.

She nodded her head at his statement.

She was well aware of the fact that he was right there.

She could see him with her own eyes.

What exactly had gotten into him lately?

“I see that.” She whispered back.

“Do you want me to come back to bed Rox?” His question was so soft that she barely heard it but when she locked her eyes with his her heart almost melted.

They radiated nothing but love.

Nothing but care and tenderness and respect.

She had never had a man look at her like that before.

“Please.” She didn’t even know if her words were audible.

But then he was pulling back the covers and sliding underneath of them and tucking her against his side and she figured that he must have heard her.

“Try and sleep sweetheart.” He wrapped his arms around her and she couldn’t help herself from snuggling into his side. 

She let her head drop to his chest, her arm falling over his stomach as she closed her eyes.

She could hear his heartbeat and it was slow and steady and calm.

Just like he was.

And she let the sound of it lull her back to sleep.


	17. Absence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Ethan thought whoever ‘they’ was, was an idiot.

Ethan had relished in the feeling of Rox being in his arms for an entire weekend. 

And even though she had been in pain and had been in and out of it most of the time, he had loved every minute of it.

But then his phone had rung at 4:35am on Monday morning and his entire world came to a screeching halt.

Campbell had needed him at the hospital. And there was no getting out of it.

He didn’t wake Rox up and instead, he showered and dressed in silence. 

He didn’t know what to say to her. He didn’t know how to tell her that he had to leave her. She had clung to him all weekend, barely letting him leave her side while she rested. 

He had been fine with being so close to her, with finally having her in his arms. 

But now he wondered if having held her all weekend had been such a good idea.

He had spoiled himself. And her. And he didn’t know if there was any going back.

“Ethan…” Her voice was soft but he heard it nonetheless.

He was hoping that she would sleep through his departure.

That he could kiss her goodbye and leave her a note with the details. 

That Emo could help pick up the pieces in his absence.

“Coming love.” He let out a sigh as he dropped his head forward.

He really, really didn’t want to say ‘goodbye’. But more than anything, he didn’t want to face the disappointment in her eyes when he told her he had to leave.

“What’s wrong?” She was pushing herself up into a sitting position before he could make it through the doorway. 

She must have taken his state of dress as an indicator that he was going somewhere.

“Campbell called.” Her face fell and so did his heart. “I gotta go.”

“But…” He knew that she was wondering who was going to take care of her. That she was afraid of being alone just yet.

She wasn’t back on her feet. She actually wasn’t anywhere close. And she was still suffering from bouts of pain that left her unable to move.

He was just as terrified as she was about her being alone.

Which is why he had made sure to cover his bases.

“Dad’s here.” His dad hadn’t been his first pick. He knew the man would be limited on just what exactly he could do for her. But he had been awake and close by and Ethan knew that he would do anything for them both. So he had been his first call.

“Oh.” He saw the tears in her eyes and it broke his heart right in two.

“Emo will be here later.” He had made sure to let the woman know that Rox was in desperate need of a shower. Something he hadn’t offered to assist her with. Though he certainly wouldn’t have minded. “Around 10 or so.”

“Okay.” She rung her hands together in front of her as she sniffled. “Thanks.”

He moved toward the bed as quick as his legs would carry him and he dropped down to sit next to her.

“I’m sorry Rox.” He reached out to cup her cheek but she pulled from him.

He was afraid of that.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He whispered his words as he dropped his hand to rest against her leg. “I promise.”

“Don’t bother.” She sniffled again, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand. 

“Rox…” He didn’t want to lose her over this. Not when they had come so far. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” She pulled herself from him even more and laid back down, pulling the covers over herself as she closed her eyes. “Just go.”

“I’ll be back later.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her head.

But then she was shaking her head at him and he heard her let out a sob and he felt like his whole world was falling apart.

They had come so far, and yet here they were, falling apart again.

——

He had worked the shift that Campbell demanded. And then another two on top of it.

For four days.

Four straight days. He did nothing but work.

He napped on the couch in Leanne’s office in 30 minute increments.

He drank coffee like it was going out of style.

He barked orders and glared at the residents and nearly murdered Diego on more than one occasion.

For four straight days he was on his feet. Saving lives and taking care of patients and following orders.

And for four straight days he was away from Rox.

And it nearly killed him.

He had finally had enough on Friday morning.

Jesse had made an offhanded comment about his mood and he had lost it.

Not at Jesse of course, but rather, at the poor lab tech who was assisting him.

Thankfully the head nurse had cleared up the mess with his Puerto Rican charm and giant smile. 

But he had lost it nonetheless.

He knew that someone had once said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Right now, he thought that ‘someone’ was a dick.

“Go home.” Campbell had muttered to him in passing. His eyes were dark, yet sympathetic, and he wondered just how much the ER director knew about his relationship with the paramedic.

“Thank you.” He had muttered back.

He had never cleared out of there so fast in his entire life.

The entire ride home all he could think about was a shower and getting to Rox.

He just wanted her in his arms again.

He wanted to kiss her and tell her that he loved her and that he needed her and that work be damned from here on out. She was his and he was hers and he was solely committed to that and that alone.

——

Of course his afternoon hadn’t gone as planned.

He had been halfway through his shower when his phone had rung.

Campbell’s name flashing back at him.

He answered the phone with a string of curse words that would have made even the best sailor blush.

But then he had been assuring him that this wasn’t professional, but personal, and he had apologized as quick as he had cursed him.

He had just seen Rox for a follow-up appointment.

There were no signs of infection. Her pain was down and her fever was nonexistent.

He had let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

“But there’s something else Ethan.” The words had left his mouth just as Ethan had exited the shower and he almost dropped the phone.

He couldn’t fathom what else could possibly go wrong. 

Rox had already been through enough. She was already suffering as it was. Why did she need to hurt anymore?

“What’s wrong?” He closed his eyes and held his breath as he waited for the other doctor to reply.

“Ethan...” He let out a sigh. He hated Campbell sometimes.

“I don’t have time for this Will.” He huffed. He dried off as he waited for the man to reply. He just wanted to get to her, and fast. 

“She’s still real weak on her left side.” He had noticed that too. Even four days ago when he had kissed her goodbye.

“Yeah.” He dropped his head forward against the wall as he took a deep breath. “I noticed that too.”

“The therapy should have been helping with that.” Ethan wanted to remind him that the therapy had almost gotten her killed, but he refrained.

“What do you suggest we do?” He was out of ideas.

He didn’t want to push her back into therapy.

He didn’t want to push her into another surgery.

He honestly didn’t know what to do at this point.

“How much of this is in her head Ethan?” He hated it when Will Campbell was right.

“Probably more than she’s letting on.” He let out a sigh.

He knew that Rox had locked part of herself away after everything had happened.

He had sensed it that first night in the hospital room.

He had sensed it when he had held her hand while they walked.

Her eyes never clearly met his. Her smiles never reached her eyes. Her body never relaxed in his presence.

She had once been an open book to him.

Now? Now she was so closed off he doubted there was any light reaching her.

“I want her to see a shrink.” He let out a chuckle.

“Good luck with that.” He knew how Rox felt about shrinks.

She was just as skeptical about them as he was.

Not that he didn’t think they could help people. Because clearly, they did, sometimes.

“Should I suggest it?” He knew that Campbell was hoping he would take the fall in this. “Or do you want too?”

He let out a sigh as he stared at his reflection in the mirror.

He looked almost dead he was so tired.

The dark circles under his eyes, the paleness of his cheeks. 

He was surprised he was still standing at this point.

“I’ll do it.” He couldn’t believe he had agreed to such a suggestion.

“Good.” And then the other man was gone and the room was silent.

He huffed as he reached for his boxers and pulled them on slowly.

He couldn’t believe that he was finally going to be reunited with the love of his life.

Only to have to tell her that she needed to see a therapist or her doctor might have her committed.

Better yet, that person that said that absence makes the heart grow fonder wasn’t just a dick, but he was also a first rate asshole.

Absence did one thing and one thing only.

Make you go insane.


	18. Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox wanted to hate Ethan, but she needed him more than she hated him, and that, in the end, won out.

Rox had wanted to hate Ethan for leaving her.

In fact, for about three hours that Monday, she did hate him.

But then she had fallen back asleep and hadn’t woken up until late that evening, and all the anger she had toward him had left her body.

Temporarily anyway.

It returned at quarter to one that morning when a nightmare woke her up and she reached for him.

Only to find the space beside her empty.

She had collapsed back against the covers and cried for what had to be hours.

She knew that Emo was right down the hall. That all she had do was call for her. But she couldn’t.

Because it wasn’t Emo that she needed.

It was Ethan.

She had finally fallen asleep just as the sun began to rise. And when she awoke a few hours later she had reached for him once more.

But, again, he was gone.

And every time for the rest of the week that she hoped to find him by her side, she didn’t.

For four straight days he was absent.

And while she wanted to hate him, she needed him even more, and that emotion was winning out.

——

She had hoped to run into him at Angels when she went for her follow-up appointment with Campbell on Friday morning.

But he had been nowhere in sight.

In fact, Campbell had told her that he had been sent home that morning.

That his attitude was getting the best of him.

Rox had chuckled at the ER director’s words.

He hadn’t found it nearly as funny as she had. But she knew Ethan, and she knew his attitude, and she knew exactly what Will was referring to.

Emo had driven her home in silence.

She could tell that the woman wanted to ask questions.

That she was wondering where Ethan was and why he wasn’t glued to her side like he had been.

But she had refrained from doing so.

She guessed that the conversation that Will had had with Emo in private might have something to do with the older woman’s willingness to just let her be, for now.

She had showered as soon as she had gotten home. Her body finally feeling up to the task of standing for more than five minutes at a time. And she had pulled on flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt of Ethan’s before collapsing onto the couch with a huff.

Emo had offered to make her some lunch but she declined.

She wasn’t hungry. And even though she knew that she should eat, she couldn’t seem to work up an appetite, no matter how hard she tried.

Her aunt had simply rolled her eyes, but she smiled all the same, before declaring that she was going to go run errands.

Rox had reassured her that she would be okay. That she was going to watch a movie and that she’d probably be asleep in the next half hour anyway.

She had watched as her car backed out of the driveway and she felt the tears pricking at her eyes before she could stop herself.

She missed Ethan so much that it hurt.

And she should never admit that to anyone. Not even him.

But that was when she heard it. The distinct sound of her phone beeping from it’s place on the coffee table. She grabbed at it quickly when she saw Ethan’s name on the screen.

_You home?_ She couldn’t help the smile that came over her face at his question.

_Of course!_ She guessed that the exclamation point was probably unnecessary, but she was excited to finally hear from him and she wanted him to know it.

_Can I come over?_ She let out a soft chuckle. She was surprised that he asked and didn’t just show up at her doorstep.

But then she remembered the way she had blown him off Monday morning when he had left.

He was probably unsure of whether or not she wanted to see him.

_Please._ But she did want to see him. More than she wanted anything else in this world.

She missed his arms being around her and his lips on hers.

She missed everything about him.

_Want food?_ She wondered if he was in on the same secret that Emo seemed to be privy too.

She guessed that maybe Campbell had spoken to him too about her behavior the past few days.

_I could eat._ She could fake her way through a meal, especially with Ethan.

_Chinese good?_ She heard her stomach rumble at the mention of her favorite cuisine and she inwardly cursed the man.

He was good. Really, really good.

_Yes please._ She may just wind up eating something after all.

_I’ll be there in 15._ She was suddenly very thankful that she had decided to shower earlier. 

She most certainly didn’t want to be reunited with him and smelling like the lazy bum that she had been for the past week.

——

Ethan had kept his word, and almost exactly fifteen minutes after he had sent her his last text, he had shown up at her door with a bag of take-out and a two liter of soda.

She had been thankful that he hadn’t brought beer.

She wasn’t allowed to drink anything for a while, but boy would she have been tempted.

They sat on her couch and ate in a comfortable silence. 

She had downed half of her orange chicken and a whole egg roll before he had even finished his soup and she had been surprised that she had so willingly eaten something.

He must have been too because he had sat and stared at her with wide eyes for a good five minutes before letting out a chuckle and reaching forward. 

He brushed something off the corner of her lip and she felt a chill run through her body at the contact.

God she had missed everything about him.

——

He had cleared the take-out containers and utensils from the coffee table almost as soon as they were done. And she heard him retreat to the bathroom down the hall as she let out a breath.

He returned a minute later and plopped down in the space next to her.

His eyes were on her as soon as he sat down and she felt her heart start to race.

She didn’t understand what it was about this man that made her so nervous.

“How are you feeling?” He whispered his question as he turned his attention back toward the TV.

“Better.” She wasn’t lying, and yet, she felt like she was.

She should just be honest with him.

She should just tell him that she was still in pain and that her head was fuzzy all the time and that she felt like a shell of the woman she had been before her accident.

She should tell him that she loved him and that she missed him and that she had felt lost and broken without him around.

She wasn’t feeling better. At least, not in the ways she figured matter the most.

“Liar.” He kept his eyes trained on the TV and she let out a sigh.

He was on to her.

In fact, she suspected that he had been on to her from the start.

He knew something was wrong. 

Why he didn’t just come right out and say it she didn’t understand.

“Yeah.” She whispered softly.

She felt his hand come to rest on her knee and she moved herself closer to his side.

Their hips were touching, as were their shoulders, and she could feel a soft and delicious warmth radiating from him.

She instantly felt more relaxed.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She knew that he would never push her beyond what she was capable of. 

Although, she guessed, that he probably knew better than anyone what exactly she was capable of at this point.

“I don’t know what there is to talk about.” She didn’t even know where to begin.

“Are you still in pain?” She guessed that was as good a place as any.

“Yes.” She whispered. She closed her eyes shut tight as she felt the tears threaten to fall.

She didn’t want to fall apart. She didn’t want to break down. She had been doing enough of that lately.

“Where at?” He moved his hand from her knee then, wrapping his arm around her shoulders softly as he pulled her against him.

She wanted to crawl into his lap and bury her face against his neck and just let it all out.

But she figured that might be a step too far.

“Everywhere.” And it was true. The pain wasn’t centrally located. Though it was often concentrated in one area or another, sometimes not for very long, sometimes for hours on end.

“How bad?” She could tell that he was doing his best to be patient with her.

She was thankful for that much.

“Sometimes it’s worse than others.” She opened her eyes slowly when she felt his other hand reach out to cup her cheek.

He turned her head toward his and when he tried to lock his eyes with hers she turned away.

“Look at me Rox.” He whispered his plea, his hand staying on her cheek as he tried to tug her closer.

“Ethan…” She was pleading with him to leave her be. To drop the issue and walk away.

“Roxane.” He practically growled out her name and she snapped out of whatever trance she had been in.

He had never called her by her first name before. 

It had always been Rox. Or Roxy. Or some sort of term of endearment.

But he had never called her Roxane before.

She knew instantly that something was going on.

“What?” She growled back. She hated being left out. She had a feeling that whatever secret he was keeping was the same one that Campbell and Emo had been whispering about earlier.

“I’m worried about you.” He whispered.

He dropped his forehead to hers as his eyes closed.

She could see the moisture threatening to break through and it broke her heart.

“I’m worried about me too.” She whispered back.

And she was. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. But she knew something was off.

“Let me help you then.” He opened his eyes and locked them with hers. And this time, she didn’t look away.

“I need you.” She choked out the words as a sob tore through her body and she dropped her head downward as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders tightly.

She felt him lift her into his lap then, cradling her against his chest like she had wanted.

He was holding onto her for dear life and she could feel his tears against her cheeks.

“I’m right here Rox.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. “Just tell me what you need love.”

She sobbed out an ‘I don’t know’ and he simply tugged her closer. She felt his lips against her hair as he offered her soft hushes and she closed her eyes.

She felt her body finally start to relax some, her eyes feeling heavier and heavier with every minute that passed.

She was asleep within minutes.


	19. Crazy Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan’s head was full of crazy ideas, but this might have been his best one yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This starts a sort of ‘arc’ in the storyline that has me both giddy and nervous. I hope you guys enjoy!**

Ethan had sat and held Rox while she cried for a good hour before his arms had started to go numb.

And when he realized that she was long past sleep, her sobs finally evening out as she slipped deeper and deeper into slumber, he had felt his heart start to relax a little.

He knew that she was under a tremendous amount of pressure.

That her body and her mind were fighting with each other, and with her.

He knew that she was suffering. That she was struggling in a way most people didn’t understand.

But he understood. He had been there.

He just wished that he knew how to help.

He wished that there was some magical way that he could make it all better for her.

He wanted to take away all of her pain and kiss away all of her worries.

But, sadly, he didn’t think there was any magical solution to Rox’s problems right now.

He had slowly pushed himself into a standing position and he had carried her down the hallway and toward her bedroom just as he heard the front door open behind him.

He didn’t stop until he had deposited her in the bed.

Emo stepped through the open door just as he was pulling the blanket up over Rox’s shoulders.

He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before turning his attention to the other woman.

She wore a weary smile and her eyes were tired, much like his. He guessed that she had been struggling to take care of Rox just like he had.

“I don’t know how to help her.” He whispered softly.

He felt bad. He felt like he was letting her down. Like he was failing her.

She needed him and yet he wasn’t able to provide for her.

“Me either.” Emo whispered back.

He could tell that the older woman felt the same way.

He knew that she was protective of the younger woman. That she loved her unconditionally. 

He knew that she would move heaven and Earth for her.

It had to be killing her to sit back and watch her suffer while she knew there was nothing she could do for her.

Just like it was killing him.

“I’m thinking of taking some time off work.” He honestly hadn’t stopped thinking about it since Campbell had dragged his ass out of bed Monday morning.

He didn’t know if that was the right choice.

He didn’t know if being by Rox’s side 24/7 was what she needed right now.

But he was willing to try.

“I think that would be a good idea.” Emo must have known something that he didn’t. “She needs you here.”

“I need to be here.” He locked eyes with her from across the room and he was thankful that she reflected nothing but respect back at him.

He hoped that that counted as having her blessing.

That she was okay with him just stepping into their world like he belonged there.

“Are you staying tonight?” He could see the pleading in her eyes. The way she was silently begging him for a break.

“Yeah.” He knew the feeling. The three days he had spent with Rox over the weekend had been nice. But taking care of her was draining at the same time.

“Thank you.” Emo offered him a soft smile before turning and making her way back down the hall.

He heard her move around the kitchen for a few minutes before she shouted a ‘goodbye’ to him. And then she was gone.

And the house was silent. 

——

He had stood and stared at Rox’s sleeping body for a good fifteen minutes before he had pulled his attention away from her. 

He had grabbed his bag from off the back of the bike and he let out a sigh when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

If it was Campbell. He was going to kill him.

“Yeah?” He hadn’t even bothered to check the caller ID and he probably should have in case the person on the other side didn’t warrant his sarcastic answer.

“Please tell me you pulled your head out of your ass and went to Rox’s?” His father’s voice was soft, despite his words, and Ethan let out a chuckle.

“Yeah dad.” He stepped over the threshold and shut the front door behind him, his ears listening out for any sign of movement.

He was thankful when he was met with silence.

“Good.” His dad must have known just how badly Rox needed him.

He must have been in on whatever secret it was that Emo hinted at earlier.

“I’m probably gonna stay for a few days again.” He didn’t need to justify his whereabouts to his father, not anymore at least.

“That’s fine.” His dad sounded pleased with his decision and he let out a breath. “She needs it. I think you both do.”

“Yeah.” He whispered his response as he stopped outside her bedroom door.

He knew it was creepy to watch her sleep, and yet, he couldn’t himself.

She looked peaceful and relaxed, her body settled against the mattress, her dark hair a mess against the yellow pillow case. She had rolled onto her side and was snuggled into the comforter and he couldn’t get over how innocent she looked.

“I’ll let you go son.” His dad said softly. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yeah dad, I’m fine.” He listened as his dad let out a soft sigh. “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay son.” And then he was gone.

And the house was filled with silence once again.

——

Rox had managed to sleep the rest of the afternoon, and the early evening away, and it had been well after 8:00pm when she finally strolled out of her room.

Her hair was mess and her clothes were rumbled and he could see the marks on her face from where she had had it smushed against the pillow.

Her eyes were still sleepy and she was limping slightly, her left arm resting against her stomach as she ran her right hand through her hair.

He offered her a soft smile as she stopped at the end of the hallway and eyed him curiously.

It was almost as if she didn’t expect to see him there.

“You stayed?” And he guessed that maybe she hadn’t expected him too.

“Of course I did.” He wanted to pull her back into his arms and never let her go.

He could see the struggle behind her eyes as she moved into the room a little more, scanning the area.

“Where’s Emo?” She whispered her question and Ethan was reminded of a small child looking for a lost parent.

“She went home.” He pushed himself up from his spot on the couch and moved to stand in front of her. “I’m gonna stay for a few days.”

She moved her attention back to him after a minute of continuing to scan the area, and he felt his heart skip a beat at the confusion in her eyes.

“Oh.” She nodded her head softly and he wondered how truly awake she was.

“Is that okay?” He reached out then, cupping her cheek gently as he searched her eyes.

He could tell something was wrong. That something was off. And it scared him.

“Yeah.” She let out a gentle breath as she closed her eyes.

“Rox?” He wanted to push further. He wanted to know what was bothering her. But he didn’t want to overstep and he didn’t want to crowd her.

He got ready to ask her if everything was okay when she stepped into his arms, her head falling against his chest as she wrapped her right arm around his waist. She let out a soft sob and he dropped his arms around her shoulders, hugging her tightly.

“Shhh baby, it’s okay.” He dropped a kiss to her head as he brushed her hair aside. He didn’t know what had happened to make her break all of a sudden, but he wanted to make it better.

They stood that way for a few minutes before he pulled back, his hands going to cup her cheeks as he searched her eyes for a sign of what was haunting her.

She closed them before he could get anything and he simply dropped his forehead against hers.

Getting through to her was going to be so much harder than he thought.

“I have a kind of crazy idea.” He whispered. 

He watched as her eyes popped open, her right hand settling against his chest as she pushed away from him slightly.

“All of your ideas are crazy.” There was a hint of the old Rox in her words.

And the way her eyes twinkled at her response, well it was enough to make his heart flutter in his chest.

If coming up with crazy ideas was all it would take to get her back to him, he would come up with as many of them as he could.

“Why don’t we go away for a few days?” He knew it was a wild suggestion.

He knew it was probably something that she wouldn’t be interested in.

And yet, he couldn’t help himself.

He wanted to get her away from all of this mess.

From all of the chaos in her head and in the world around them.

He just wanted to lock her away from the world for a while.

To spend an undesignated amount of time with her being his sole focus.

“Away?” The hopeful look in her eyes made him want to leave right then and there.

“Away.” He offered her a soft smile as he ran his fingers through her hair. “Just the two of us.”

“Where too?” She seemed much more into the idea than he expected.

“Wherever you want to go.” He whispered.

He dropped a kiss to her forehead, and then to her nose, and lastly, to her lips.

It had been almost five days since he had kissed her and he had missed it.

He felt her lips curl upward as he dragged her closer, deepening the kiss just enough to keep her close, but not deep enough to scare her off.

When he pulled back she was panting slightly.

He didn’t think it had been that intense of a kiss.

He guessed that he could be wrong.

“The mountains?” He didn’t even know that Rox liked the mountains. It certainly was something he was surprised to find out. 

He always pegged her for more of a beach kind of girl.

Not that he minded the beach at all either.

“We can do that.” He didn’t care if all they did was drive four hours away and spend a few nights in a hotel.

He didn’t care if they lived off of room service and watched pay-per-view movies all weekend.

He just wanted to be alone, with her, somewhere, that wasn’t here.

“I like the mountains.” She whispered.

“So do I.” He whispered back.

“I think this might be the best, crazy idea you’ve ever had.” The smile on her face told him all that he needed to know.

He had made the right choice in suggesting this trip.

“I’ve got plenty more where that came from.” He smiled back at her as she let out a small laugh, her eyes twinkling in the dim light of the living room.

He had never been so thankful for a crazy idea in his entire life.


	20. Getaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox would have been perfectly okay with making a midnight getaway, as long as Ethan was by her side.

Rox had been shocked when Ethan had suggested that they take a trip.

Just the two of them.

Right then and there.

She had been shocked, and yet, relieved almost.

She wanted nothing more than to have him to herself for a few days.

No Emo. No Martin. No Campbell and no Jesse and no Angels.

Just the two of them.

Alone.

The idea both excited her. And terrified her. She wasn’t sure which emotion was currently winning out.

They had settled on the mountains. Or at least, that’s what she thought had been discussed.

And then Ethan was escorting her back to bed and tucking her in.

He promised her that he would join her within the hour. That he was going to go make the arrangements for their trip.

She had simply nodded her head and she was asleep before he made it down the hallway.

——

When she awoke a few hours later he was settled on the bed behind her.

He had his arm draped over her waist, his face nuzzled against her neck, his breath even and warm against her skin.

She had let out a soft sigh when he instinctively tugged her closer to him.

“Go back to sleep.” He whispered.

She didn’t know he was awake.

“Time is it?” She could barely get the words out.

She felt so sleepy and relaxed and she honestly could have stayed put right there for the next few days.

“Something after three.” He pressed a gentle kiss against her shoulder as he rubbed her hip gently. “Go back to sleep.”

“M’kay.” She snuggled back against him with a soft sigh and she felt him nuzzle her neck once more.

She could most certainly get used to this.

——

When she woke up the next morning the sun was still low in the sky and she could make out the sound of birds chirping in the front yard.

It had been rainy and gloomy for the past week.

She was thankful to finally see some sunlight filtering in through her windows.

She reached behind her for her companion, but his spot was empty, and she let out a soft sigh.

She hated waking up without him.

Pushing herself into a sitting position she let her eyes adjust as she strained her ears for any kind of movement in the house.

She was met with silence and it worried her.

Moving to stand, she pushed the partially closed door open and swept her eyes down the hallway.

She could make out the sound of the TV playing in the living room.

The morning news filling the otherwise silent space.

She made her way toward the room slowly, her hip aching as she tried to take steady steps.

She knew it was a work in a progress.

She knew she wouldn’t be better overnight.

And yet, every morning, she up hoping it would be different.

“Morning.” She heard Ethan’s voice before she saw him and she turned to see him exiting the kitchen.

“Morning.” She offered him a curious glance as he stopped beside her.

“I already took the Jeep and gassed it up.” She let her eyes wander to the clock on her wall. It was only 7:30am. How long exactly had he been up? “And all the arrangements have been made. We just have to show up.”

“Show up?” She turned her attention back to him.

“Yeah. I got us a cabin for the weekend.” She did a double take. A cabin? “You forgot didn’t you?”

She blinked several times.

Her mind was so fuzzy and she hated it.

Obviously they had made plans to do something.

And yet she couldn’t remember what they were.

“My head’s still a little foggy.” She whispered. She could feel the tears threatening to fall. She didn’t want to let him down anymore.

“It’s okay babe.” He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest with a soft sigh. “It’s okay.”

“We were going away?” She was straining herself trying to remember.

When exactly had they made these plans?

Was it recent? Or had they made them weeks ago?

She honestly couldn’t remember and it was breaking her in two.

“Yeah.” He whispered softly, his lips pressing against her head as he spoke. “I suggested it last night. A getaway, just the two of us?”

So it was recent. That would certainly explain some things.

“Oh okay.” She pulled back and scrubbed at her eyes.

She could do a getaway with him. No problems there.

“We don’t have to go Rox.” She could hear the disappointment in his voice. She could tell that he felt guilty.

“No!” She reached out for him, pulling him back toward her as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I wanna go.”

Her whispered words must have been enough to do him in because he offered her the saddest smile as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“Okay.” He whispered back.

“When do we leave?” She all of a sudden was full of excitement at the prospect of being alone with him for an entire weekend.

And especially somewhere that wasn’t here.

“As soon as you’re ready.” He said softly. He reached up and brushed her wild hair aside and she couldn’t help but chuckle.

She imagined that she probably looked like quite the mess right about now.

“Let me shower.” She smiled at him as she spoke, her hands settling against his shoulders. “And pack.”

“Okay.” He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against her lips.

She felt like her whole world was on fire.

She would never, ever, get tired of kissing him.

She hoped that this weekend would be full of lots of kissing.

She wondered if she would be brave enough to let him do more.

“Go shower love.” He whispered as he pulled back. “We can go as soon as you’re done.”

She nodded her head at him and turned around, heading back toward her bedroom.

In all honesty, she would have left with him right then and there if she could have.

Shower or no shower.

She just wanted to be alone with him. And anywhere but here.


	21. Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan was having a hard time keeping himself together because everything about Rox was perfect.

Ethan had been pleased when Rox had taken what was probably the shortest shower known to man.

He had been anxious to get the hell out of LA for a while.

And he could tell that she had felt the same way.

He had worried about her at first, especially after she had told him that she had no recollection of their conversation from the night before.

But she had seemed okay with the idea after he had re-proposed it. And she had been even more eager to get going after he had shown her a picture of the little place that he had secured them.

It was small. A little one bedroom, one bathroom cabin with a view to die for.

A buddy of his dad’s had hooked him up.

He was sure that he would never live it down now that his father knew he was running away with the love of his life for a weekend.

But the smile on Rox’s face when they had pulled up to the cabin later that afternoon was worth all the heckling he was sure to receive.

He hadn’t seen her look so relaxed and happy in weeks.

He felt his heart soar at the twinkle in her eyes as she walked around the outside of the small cabin. She was grinning from ear to ear by the time she made it back to his side.

“It’s beautiful.” She had whispered.

“Not as beautiful as you.” He didn’t know what possessed him to say such a cheesy thing. 

But he thought it was true.

“Shut up.” She had chuckled at his words though, her eyes softening even more as she reached down to tangle her fingers with his.

If he hadn’t been in love with her before, he sure as hell was now.

——

They had gotten settled inside relatively quickly, and she had strolled out onto the deck to check out the view while he put away the groceries they had stopped to buy.

The place had a small kitchen, but it would work for what they needed it for.

And it was at least thirty minutes from the nearest town, so eating out wasn’t going to be an option. At least not the first few nights anyway.

He wanted to relax as much as possible.

And that meant doing as little driving as possible.

He made his way toward the sliding door and he stopped and watched her through the glass.

She was leaning over the railing, her eyes focused on something slightly below their location, and he was curious.

Leave it to her to have already found something worth investigating.

“See anything interesting?” He stepped across the threshold and out onto the wooden deck just as she turned toward him and he offered her a smile.

She was truly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

“There’s a waterfall.” She whispered.

He already knew that. He didn’t know, however, that it was visible from their location.

His dad’s friend had left that part out.

“Where?” He moved to stand behind her and when she turned back around he couldn’t help but block her in, his hands settling on the railing in front of them, his chest pressing gently against her back as he dropped his chin to her shoulder.

“Over there.” She pointed to the left and then down some and he let his eyes follow her motions.

Sure enough. There was a waterfall.

It was too far for them to walk to, especially given Rox’s condition, but it was surely accessible by vehicle.

“We’ll go tomorrow.” He whispered. He pressed a kiss against her ear when she nodded her head softly.

She turned around in his arms then, her hands settling against his chest as she eyed him softly.

“Thank you.” Her whispered words sent his heart into overdrive.

He didn’t know what she was thanking him for.

He hadn’t done anything.

“You’re welcome.” He whispered back.

She ran her hands up his chest then, settling them against his neck as she dragged her fingers through his hair at the base of his skull.

He let out a soft hum as he closed his eyes.

He was supposed to be the one comforting her. Not the other way around.

“I know…” She took a deep breath and he opened his eyes so that he could lock them with hers. “I know I’ve been… difficult.”

He let out a soft chuckle as he dropped his forehead to rest against hers. He moved his left hand to settle on her hip as his right hand moved to her neck.

“It’s okay.” He pressed a soft kiss against her nose with his words. “I like difficult.”

She rolled her eyes at him and he offered her a gentle smile.

He would take her difficult any day.

He got ready to speak when she gently tugged his head downward, her lips crashing against his as she tangled her fingers in his hair.

He couldn’t help but smile into the kiss.

She always seemed to know just when to shut him up.

And if she wanted to shut him up like this, well then so be it.

——

They had stayed on the deck and kissed for a few minutes before he had felt her start to slow her motions.

He knew that she had to be tired. That her body had to be giving in to the excitement of the day.

He had suggested she shower and change.

That they would stay in tonight and snuggle in front of the fire with a movie.

She had beamed back at him before retreating inside and showering quickly.

She had fallen into bed with a soft huff and he had tucked her in with a kiss.

That had been four hours ago and he had wanted to wake her so that they could be together so badly.

But he knew that she needed her rest.

That she needed to sleep when her body told her too.

That not only would it help her physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

He had just gotten ready to go check on her when she emerged from the bedroom, a soft smile on her face when she caught sight of him.

“Hi.” She whispered.

“Hi.” He whispered back.

He didn’t know why he felt so nervous to see her standing there in front of him in her pajamas.

It’s not like he hadn’t seen her in them before.

“Sorry I slept so long.” She started toward him once more and he offered her a shrug.

“It’s okay.” He swallowed when she stopped directly in front of him.

There was something about the romantic atmosphere of being alone in a cabin with her that was making it hard to concentrate.

There were so many things that he wanted to do to her.

So many things that he wanted to tell her.

“What’s for dinner?” Her question broke him from his thoughts and he shook his head gently.

“Whatever you want.” He had bought the items to make dinner for at least two of their three nights here.

He had promised her that he would take her out at least one night. That he would show her the little town nearby. 

He remembered visiting there a few times when he was a kid. Before his mom had died of course. 

His dad said the town was still the same.

Quiet and wholesome. With some of the best BBQ on the west coast.

He wanted to share something from his past with Rox. Something he had never done with any other woman before her. Not even Leanne.

“Spaghetti?” She had been the one to suggest the pasta dish when they had been in the store earlier and he been helpless to tell her ‘no’.

“Sure.” He smiled down at her before stepping away and heading toward the kitchen.

She followed him and it made him nervous.

They really needed to put some space between them before he lost his mind.

But she was determined to do everything but.

——

Instead, Rox had helped him cook dinner. And while he had worried at first that it would be a disaster, it had actually been fun.

Distracting, but fun.

He had to shake his head clear multiple times to rid himself of the images of the things he wanted to do to her against those counters.

After they had eaten he had retreated to the bathroom for a cold shower.

A very, very cold shower.

He didn’t know why he all of a sudden was obsessed with getting his hands on her.

But it was driving him crazy.

He would never cross that line. Not unless she was 100% okay with it. And even then, he would hesitate.

He knew it was a big deal for her.

He could sense it in her movements, in the way she would pull back when the kisses got too intense. In the way she would shift against him in the bed when he got to close or body parts touched in the wrong spot.

He knew that something from her past was haunting her.

He wanted to squash whatever demon that was.

But he wasn’t going to do it without her permission.

After his shower he pulled on his sweat pants and a t-shirt and made his way toward the living room. He could hear the TV playing and he was pleased to find Rox snuggled up on the couch and wide awake.

Part of him was afraid that she would fall asleep on him before they could even really enjoy the evening together.

“Pick a movie out yet?” He moved to start the fire and he was thankful that it was an easy process.

He was too drained to fight with something so trivial.

And he wasn’t in the mood to make a fool of himself while doing so.

“I’m not picky.” He knew that statement was true. At least when it came to movies anyway. She would watch whatever happened to be on, or whatever he happened to pick.

“Okay.” He settled himself into the corner of the couch and it took her mere seconds before she was snuggled against his side. 

He watched as she dragged the blanket from behind them down, spreading it out over them both as he gently reclined his seat back, stretching his legs out in front of him.

He scrolled through the guide for a few minutes, finally settling on a Harrison Ford movie he vaguely remembered seeing in theaters with Robert at least a decade ago.

She let out a soft sigh as she snuggled closer and he wrapped his arm around her tightly as he dropped a kiss to her head.

“You good?” He hoped she was content, because she was making herself comfy.

She had let her legs tangle with his under the blanket and her hand was resting against his hip, just above the waistband of his sweatpants.

If she moved it even a few inches higher she would be touching bare skin.

He was surprised that she was putting herself in such a daring position.

“Yeah.” She whispered her reply and when he looked down she had her eyes closed.

He guessed that she probably wouldn’t make it through the first thirty minutes of the movie before she was asleep.

Not that he minded.

Having her curled up against his side like that was the perfect ending to this perfect day.

He hoped it was a sign for how the rest of this trip was going to go.


	22. Don’t Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox had never felt so loved in her entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Here’s the chapter you’ve all been waiting for (well, the start of it anyway!)  
> **   
>  ***Also, there are hints to some events from Rox’s past that were definitely unpleasant (rape/torture). I made sure to not go into detail but just be warned that they are hinted at in the next few chapters.**

Rox couldn’t remember a time when she had ever felt so relaxed.

So comfortable and at peace.

And it was all thanks to Ethan.

He had done something that no other man had ever done for her before.

He had done it without any hesitation.

His suggestion of a mountain getaway had made her nervous at first. But then she had gotten sight of the cabin they would be staying in. And she had checked out the view from the back deck. And her heart had been sold.

She couldn’t wait to spend an entire weekend alone with him here.

They had settled down to watch a movie a little over an hour ago and while she had spent most of the time with her eyes closed, she had yet to fall asleep.

She was both thankful and cranky about that.

She was thankful that she was able to actually be awake while spending time with him.

She was cranky because there was something about this romantic setting that was making it very hard for her to keep her hands to herself.

She wanted to do very, very naughty things to him.

And it was driving her insane.

“Rox?” Ethan’s whispered voice broke her from her thoughts and she shook her head as she tried to bring herself back down to Earth.

“Yeah.” She looked up at him with soft eyes and she couldn’t help but smile when he reached up and brushed some of her hair back.

“Just making sure you were still with me.” He whispered, dropping his forehead against hers.

“Always.” She whispered back. 

She watched as his eyes twinkled in the firelight and she couldn’t help herself as she leaned upward, her lips pressing against his softly.

She felt him smile into the kiss and she ran her tongue along his lips. 

She was shocked when he granted her entrance, his tongue tangling with hers as he dropped his hands to her hips.

The next thing she knew he was pulling her into his lap.

She felt her knees settle on either side of his hips as his right hand tangled in her hair. His left hand rubbed against her hip softly as he pulled her as close as possible.

She broke the kiss then, her head falling to his with a sigh.

“Sorry.” He whispered. 

She could tell that he felt guilty. That he felt like he had taken it too far.

“It’s okay.” She pulled back slightly, her hand cupping his stubble covered cheek as she pressed her lips against his once more.

“We can stop.” He said softly, his eyes staring back at her as he held her close.

“I don’t want to.” She felt something inside her break at those words.

She didn’t want to stop. 

She wanted to keep going.

“Rox…” She knew that he could sense her hesitation though. That he could sense that something was wrong.

“Ethan please.” She didn’t know why she was begging him.

“Look at me Rox.” He gripped her head softly as he locked his eyes with hers.

She felt her heart seize up in her chest.

“This is not a one time deal for me, you hear?” She could see the sincerity in his eyes and she hated it.

She had never been with a man who wanted to give her more.

Hell, she had never been with a man who wanted to give her anything for that matter. Except for a good time that is.

“I know.” She took a deep breath as she tried to calm her racing thoughts.

She wanted him so badly that it hurt.

Yet she was absolutely terrified to give him that part of her.

It’s not that she cherished it or anything. Sex had never been anything special to her. Not once. Not even her first time.

But there was something about the thought of having sex with Ethan that made her heart flutter in her chest. It made her weak in her knees and she didn’t understand why.

Sex with him should be no different than it was with every other man.

And yet, she knew it would be nothing like all those times before.

“We can stop.” He repeated his words from earlier but she shook her head back and forth at his response.

She didn’t want to stop.

She wanted to keep going.

She wanted to know what it felt like to have his fingers on her naked skin.

She wanted to know what it felt like to have him hovering over her. To have him send her over the edge and then bring her back again.

She wanted to know what it felt like to come apart in his arms.

“I don’t want to stop Ethan.” She whispered.

She watched as his eyes softened as he swallowed, his fingers relaxing against her hip and her head.

“Okay.” He whispered back. “Bedroom?”

She nodded her head at his words.

She figured it was probably much safer for them to continue their motions in a location where they could be more horizontal.

Her hip was already starting to ache from the position she was in now.

She couldn’t imagine how it would feel if she tried to have sex like that.

She reluctantly pulled from his grasp and moved to stand, her eyes watching as he rose slowly. He turned the TV off and moved to kill the fire before returning to stand beside her.

He extended his hand toward her and she took it willingly.

He was already much more of a gentleman than anyone she had ever been with before. She couldn’t imagine how gentle he would be with her as the night continued on.

—

Ethan had led her to the bedroom slowly, his grip on her hand tightening the closer to the small room that they got.

She could tell that he was nervous about what was about to happen.

She was just as nervous, if not more.

He stopped just inside the bedroom door and turned toward her.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He whispered.

She wondered if those words were for her benefit or his.

“I know.” She whispered back.

She knew that he would never take advantage of her. That he would stop if she said stop. That he wouldn’t get angry or upset. That he would simply do what was best for her.

She figured that was probably the biggest difference between him and all the other men she had ever been with before.

He was in this for her, just as much as he was in this for himself.

“You just say the word okay?” His eyes were soft as he moved toward her, his hands settling against her hips as he dropped his head to her neck.

She nodded her head as his lips pressed against her skin.

She never wanted him to stop doing that.

He backed her toward the bed slowly then, stopping when her knees hit the mattress, and he lowered her down slowly.

She was shocked at how gentle he was. And yet, at the same time, she wasn’t.

He hadn’t bothered to turn the light on and she struggled to see his face in the darkness of the room.

She was thankful for the moonlight filtering in through the windows though, because she could make out just enough to see the small smile that came over his face as she crawled back onto the bed.

He moved to hover above her, his legs settling on either side of her as he ran his fingers down her arm.

She could tell that he was struggling to find the words. That there was so much that he wanted to say.

There was so much that she wanted to say to him as well.

But she couldn’t make her voice work.

So instead she reached up and dragged his head downward, her lips crashing against his once more as she tangled her fingers back in his hair.

She felt him relax under her touch and she smiled against his lips when she felt his left hand reach for the hem of her shirt.

He pushed it up slowly, his fingers trailing along her bare skin as his tongue once again tangled with hers.

She let out a soft sigh when he brushed his fingers along her rib cage, his index finger running along the underside of her breast. She felt him chuckle into the kiss and she nipped at his bottom lip.

They stayed that way for a while, almost half an hour to be exact. Their tongues dancing together softly as his hands explored her skin under the material of her shirt. 

He had finally pulled away from the kiss when his desire to touch more of her skin became greater.

That and the need for air became desperate.

She took a deep breath when he settled both hands on the hem of her shirt and pulled it upward.

She was nervous for him to see her naked.

She didn’t want him to see her scars. The horrible reminders of the horrible things that had been done to her in the past etched into her skin.

She hated herself for those scars.

She didn’t want him to hate her too.

She closed her eyes tightly as she lifted herself up, allowing him to pull the shirt over her head in one swift motion.

She let out a strangled sob as she settled herself back against the pillow.

“Roxy…” He dropped his head to her shoulder then, his lips soft against her skin as he let his fingers settle against her hips.

She loved it when he called her that.

“They’re ugly.” She choked out, her eyes filling with tears as he pulled back from her.

She watched as he dropped his head to the first scar, just above her left breast, his lips pressing against the mangled skin softly. 

“But you’re beautiful.” He moved on to the next one, a long and skinny scar that ran from between her breasts to just under her right rib.

He pressed kisses along the whole thing before moving to the scar below it and then the one below that.

He stopped at the scar at her left hip, one that started just above the waistband of her pajama bottoms, and he lifted his head to lock his eyes with hers.

She swallowed as another sob racked her body.

He must have somehow known what that scar was from.

He wasn’t stupid. He had access to her medical files. He had to have known what had happened to her in her past.

“I’m so sorry Roxy.” He pressed a kiss against the top of the scar before moving back up to her, his forehead falling against hers.

She could feel his tears mixing with her own as she closed her eyes, her arms wrapping around his shoulders as she held on to him for dear life.

“Promise me you won’t hurt me.” She choked out the words and she dared to open her eyes when she felt his fingers on her cheek.

“I promise.” He whispered, his eyes soft and gentle as he offered her the softest smile he could manage. “I promise that I will do nothing but love you from here on out. Until the day I die.” He pressed a gentle kiss against her lips and she felt a sob wrack through her body.

She never wanted to imagine her life without him in it.

She hoped and prayed that she had decades to go before that ever happened.


	23. Let Her Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan had waited long enough for this moment, and he was going to cherish it as long as he could possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **  
>  *Warning: Smut ahead  
>  **   
>  ***Mentions to incidents in Rox’s past that are definitely unpleasant (hints at past rape). You have been warned.**   
>  ***Also, this story is temporarily going on hiatus. I’ve got a lot going on right now and I’m just not in a good mindset. It also doesn’t appear as if anyone (other than one person) is reading this story anymore, so I don’t really know why I’m even still posting it. I have the rest of the chapters written, so I will post them when I can, but for the time being, I won’t be posting as much. I apologize, but the lack of support in this fandom and my insane personal life have just made me not so motivated. Sorry :/**

Ethan had been dreaming of this moment for months.

He had wanted nothing more than to get Rox in bed with him.

To have her naked and willing underneath him.

And yet, now that it was here, he was terrified of it.

He didn’t want to hurt her.

He didn’t want her to push her too far.

He wanted to love her and cherish her and spoil her, just like she deserved.

He had pressed kisses to the scars covering her upper body, and then after taking a few minutes to bring them both back down to Earth, he had pushed her pants out of the way and done the same thing to her lower half.

He had kissed the scars covering her thighs, the small one along her right knee, the three round ones on her left shin. He had even pressed a gentle kiss against the scar on the instep of her left foot.

And then he had simply kissed his way back up her body, until his lips met hers and their hips were resting against each other once more.

She had let out a contended sigh when his hand had settled on her breast.

But then she was pushing at his shirt hungrily as she dragged her teeth over his bottom lip gently and he had gotten the message.

She was okay with slow and gentle and loving.

But right now she just wanted to get her hands on him.

And he couldn’t blame her.

It was all he had been able to think about for weeks.

—

After she had finally removed his shirt and sweat pants they had stayed snuggled against each other for a good hour. Their lips dancing over the other’s, their tongues tangling together occasionally, their breathing hurried, but gentle.

He had let his hands roam over every inch of her exposed skin and when he had let his fingers dip below the waistband of her panties she had nipped at his lip.

He pulled away, afraid that he had gone to far, but the desire in her eyes told him all he needed to know.

His hands had pushed at the silky material quickly, sliding them down her legs as her fingers tugged at the waistband of his boxers.

He had offered her a smile when she let out a huff. Her hands were shaking so badly that she couldn’t manage to get the things out of the way.

She had rolled her eyes when he simply pushed them down himself.

But then her hands were in his hair as she tugged his lips back down to hers and he let out a soft sigh as he settled himself above her, his forehead falling against hers as he pulled away from the kiss.

“Protection?” He watched as she closed her eyes and shook her head back and forth.

“You know it’s not necessary.” He could hear the shame in her words and it broke his heart.

There was nothing shameful about what had happened to her. Except, for those that had done it to her.

“Okay.” He dropped a kiss to her nose as he ran his fingers through her hair. He hoped that she would open her eyes and look up at him. That she would see how much he didn’t care about that. “Rox…”

She locked her eyes with his and he offered her a soft smile in hopes of bringing her back to him.

“It’s okay Ethan.” She ran her fingers down his bare back, her leg moving to hook around his waist as she lined them up.

He wanted to tell her right then and there that he loved her, but he didn’t think it was time. He thought it was probably too soon.

So instead he kissed her.

Long and hard and breathlessly.

And then he slid into her slowly, his hand settling against her hip as she inhaled at the motion, her fingers gripping at his shoulder clumsily.

He gave her a minute to adjust, her body slowly relaxing underneath his as he slid the rest of the way inside her. She let out a soft sigh as he buried his face against her shoulder.

She felt better than he imagined.

She felt perfect. Soft and beautiful and exotic.

She felt like home.

He slowly set a pace and when she dragged his lips back to hers he couldn’t help but chuckle softly into the kiss.

She clung to him as he thrust into her, over and over and over again.

And when he felt her starting to get close to the edge he slowed his pace just enough.

She let out a low growl in the back of her throat and he nipped at the skin of her neck as he cupped her breast gently. She threw her head back against the pillow when he ran his thumb over her nipple and he couldn’t help but chuckle softly against her sweat covered skin.

“Ethan…” She dragged his name out in a way that almost did him in and he granted her her silent wish.

He picked up the pace as he moved his lips back against hers and the crushing kiss she gave him sent him into overdrive.

He tangled his fingers in her hair as he gripped at her hip roughly, his hips thrusting against hers as she tried to drag him closer with the leg that was around his hip.

He felt her reach the edge and then the next thing he knew she was tumbling over it. 

Her hands tightened in his hair as she let out a whimper, her head falling back against the pillows as her eyes slammed shut.

He felt himself getting close as well and he dropped his head to her shoulder. He dragged his teeth along her skin as he moaned her name with his release.

There would surely be a mark there in the morning but he didn’t care and he figured that she didn’t either.

They laid that way for a few minutes, her body quivering under his as her arms fell limp at her sides. He felt his legs starting to give way and he knew that crushing his body weight on top of her would surely not do her recovering body any favors.

So instead, he reluctantly pulled from within her and moved to fall onto his back beside her.

She let out a whimper at his motions and she was on her side and pressed against him before he could fathom what was happening.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders then, pressing a kiss to her sweaty forehead as he tugged her close.

“You good?” He hoped that it had been as amazing for her as it had been for him.

“Better than good.” She whispered.

“Good.” He whispered back. He dropped another kiss to her head as he reached down and tugged at the blanket, pulling it over their bare bodies with a soft sigh. “Sleep love.”

She nodded her head against his shoulder, her arm moving to settle over his bare stomach as she tangled her legs with his under the covers.

This was the moment he had been waiting for. The moment he had been dreaming about for the past five weeks.

He had waited so long to her here and he would be damned if he was ever going to let her go.


	24. Girl Like Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys like Ethan, didn’t keep girls like her around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***More mentions to Rox’s abusive past. You have been warned.**   
>  ****Also, there’s smut.**

Rox awoke the next morning with a pleasant ache all over her body.

It took her a few minutes to figure out why exactly she felt that way.

But then her body became very much aware of the naked form pressed against her back.

Of the bare arm that was draped over her naked waist.

Of the soft snoring coming from her companion.

Her mind flashed back to the night before. To the image of Ethan hovering above her as he thrust into her. To his hands tangling in her hair and his lips against her bare skin.

Everything she had been waiting for had finally happened.

And it absolutely terrified her.

She slowly pulled herself from his grasp, hesitating slightly as she stood next to the bed to see if he would stir from his slumber. But he didn’t.

Instead he rolled over on his back with a soft sigh, the blanket falling to rest just above his waist, his bare chest exposed to her in the early morning sun.

She choked back a sob as she grabbed the closest thing she could find, his t-shirt, and pulled it over her head.

She grabbed her bag and retreated to the bathroom, the door shutting and locking quietly behind her as she felt the tears fall down her cheeks.

She had truly gone and done it now.

She had slept with him.

She had had sex with Ethan.

Her Ethan.

Her best-friend.

And now she was trapped in this cabin with him for the next three days.

She could only imagine that this would be awkward.

Surely he would push her away.

Surely he would want to get rid of her.

It was what every other man had done to her in the past.

She had no reason to believe that Ethan would be different.

—

She had showered slowly, taking her time as she allowed the warm water to relax her aching muscles.

The memories from last night had come back to her ten fold as she was rinsing the shampoo out of her hair and she had had to grip onto the towel bar to keep from losing her balance.

Sex with Ethan had been everything she had ever imagined it would be. And then some.

She had stayed under the spray until the water ran cold and she had dried herself off before pulling on a pair of underwear.

She then realized that all of her clothes were in her other bag, the bag that was still in the bedroom, and she wasn’t prepared to enter that room just yet.

So instead she grabbed the only item she could find, other than Ethan’s shirt that she had discarded before her shower.

Sliding her arms into Ethan’s flannel shirt she tugged it close to her before doing the buttons up. 

It smelled just like him. Like safety and comfort and love. 

It smelled like home.

She emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, having run her brush through her loose curls before stepping into the hallway. 

She didn’t hear any movement from the bedroom and she let out a thankful sigh.

She moved into the kitchen and made herself a cup of coffee as she let her eyes scan the deck outside.

The area around them was completely wooded and if she had to hazard a guess she would say that the only way someone would be able to see her while she was out there was if they were spying on her.

She doubted that anyone would be doing such a thing, so she slowly pushed the door open and stepped outside.

The air was cool, cooler than it had been in LA when they left, and she felt a shiver come over her when the decrease in temperature hit her legs.

And yet, it was relaxing all the same.

She made her way toward the small swing that she had seen yesterday and she settled herself back against the cushions as she took a sip from the cup in her hands.

She prayed that Ethan would sleep a little while longer.

That she had a few more hours of bliss before he burst her bubble and sent her packing.

She didn’t want to fathom having to say ‘goodbye’ to him. Especially after last night.

But she knew it was inevitable. There was no way that a guy like him, would keep a girl like her.

—

She must have either dozed off, or been really lost in her thoughts, because the next thing she knew the door to the patio was opening and Ethan was crossing over the threshold.

He had showered as well, his hair still damp as he stepped into the early morning sun.

He had pulled on jeans and an Army t-shirt but his feet were still bare against the hardwood.

She thought he was probably the most delicious sight she had ever seen.

She prepared herself for the heartbreak when his eyes finally settled on her form, her legs tucked underneath of her as she pushed herself back against the cushion, her body bracing itself for the impact that was sure to come.

“Morning.” His voice was still laden with sleep and he offered her a sloppy smile as he stopped in front of the swing.

“Morning.” She cast her eyes downward as she gripped the coffee mug in her hand so tightly that it hurt.

“What are you doing out here all alone?” He whispered his question as he reached down slowly.

She must have flinched at his movements because he stopped his hands before they could reach her.

“Rox?” He knelt down in front of her then, his hands settling against hers gently. “Baby? What’s wrong?”

She shook her head back and forth as the tears started to pour from her eyes.

She didn’t want to cry.

Crying only made it worse.

She knew from experience. Crying made the verbal abuse louder and the physical abuse harsher.

She hated herself for crying.

“Roxy?” He removed the coffee cup from her hands and placed it to the side, his fingers cupping her cheek gently as he brought her focus to him. “Talk to me.”

She shook her head back and forth as a sob escaped her lips and she heard him let out a sigh.

She prepared herself for the blows. Verbal and physical. She knew they were coming.

And yet, there was nothing.

Instead he was pushing himself into a standing position before he reached down and gathered her up and into his arms. And then he was carrying her inside, his eyes soft and gentle as he carried her to the bedroom and placed her on the bed.

He moved to hover above her, his forehead falling to hers he settled a hand against her hip, pushing the material of his shirt out of the way.

His lips were on hers before she could protest. Before she could tell him not to hurt her. 

And then he was pouring every ounce of love and affection into the kiss that he could manage.

She felt his tears mix with hers as they ran down his cheeks and onto her face. She could feel him trembling as he dragged his fingers over her bare skin softly.

The next thing she knew he was undoing the buttons of the flannel material and his lips followed the movement of his hands. 

They stopped above the waistband of her panties and she let out a sigh when he dragged the material down and over her legs.

She wanted to tell him to stop. That she didn’t need him to tease her anymore. That she didn’t need him to make this any worse than it already was.

She was prepared for him to leave her.

She was prepared for him to hit her or to scream at her or to force himself on her while he did both.

She however, was not prepared for his lips to press against her inner thigh as he slid a finger inside her. 

She also was not prepared when his thumb ran along her core.

And she was most certainly not prepared when his lips pressed just the right amount of pressure against her center.

She threw her head back as her vision blurred, her hands gripping at the covers as she let out a growl. And then a whimper.

He knew just what he was doing to her and it was driving her insane.

—

Ethan had brought her right to the edge and then back down again, twice, and by the time she finally let go, her release shaking her whole body and making her vision go black, she had wanted to strangle him for torturing her so.

But then she had collapsed against the pillows as he kissed his way back up her body and she had been helpless to push him away.

Instead she had helped him remove his clothes before she had rolled him over and onto his back with a soft sigh.

She had settled herself on top of him with a whimper, her walls instantly clenching at the feeling of him inside of her.

They had made love not once more, but twice more, before he had dragged her aching body to the shower with him.

She had been helpless when he had slid his hand between her legs as the warm water ran over their bodies, and she had bit his lip hard enough to make him bleed when he had her going over the edge once more.

She had clung to his shoulders as he had kissed her down from her high and she had offered him a lazy smile when he nipped back at her.

They had dried off slowly and she had darted from the bathroom when he got that look in his eyes once more.

As much as she loved the feeling of his body against hers, she was in desperate need of a break. 

And when both of their stomach’s growled while they were getting dressed he suggested that maybe they should have eaten breakfast first.

She chuckled at him as she tugged him toward the kitchen, her fingers tangling with his as she suggested that they make breakfast together.

They had done just that. 

And then he had pushed at the waistband of her running shorts and he had slid them, and her underwear, to the floor before she knew what was happening. His fingers were inside her before she could turn around, but when she did she couldn’t help but crash her lips against his with a smile.

He was insatiable.

And a girl like her, was perfectly okay with that.


	25. Guilty Conscious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan feels guilty about some of the things that he’s done. Rox, on the other hand, thinks they should do more of exactly that.

Ethan had rather enjoyed having his way with Rox. Over and over and over again.

But there came a time when even he tired of sex.

And apparently, there came a time when she did too.

She was currently snuggled against him in the bed, her arm draped lazily over his stomach, her head nuzzled against his shoulder as she took slow, even breaths.

They had been going at it like rabbits since last night.

He could only imagine that she was exhausted.

And judging by the way she had settled onto her stomach, and not her side, he guessed that she was probably in a little bit of pain too.

He felt horrible for having put her in that position. 

He knew what she had been through the past few weeks and yet he hadn’t hesitated to use her body as his own personal amusement park over the last twelve hours.

He felt just like all those men from her past who had hurt her.

The men who had destroyed her and turned her into the broken woman that she was today.

He hated himself for what he had done to her.

He just hoped that it hadn’t ruined his relationship with her once and for all.

“Ethan…” Her voice was sleepy as she forced her eyes open, locking them with his as he turned his attention toward her.

“Yeah babe?” He was struggling to find words. Both because he was so exhausted, and because he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Thank you.” She whispered, her dark eyes softening as she smiled up at him.

He didn’t know what she was thanking him for.

He had hurt her. He didn’t deserve to be thanked for that.

“For what?” He closed his eyes as he let his head fall back against the pillow, a sigh escaping his lips as he tried to control himself.

“For bringing me here.” They had done nothing but have sex in various places around the house. He didn’t understand why she was thanking him for that.

This was supposed to be their little getaway. 

A chance for them to have some peace and quiet. For her to relax and hopefully get some of her sanity back.

“No worries.” He could feel himself starting to disconnect with her and he hated it.

She didn’t deserve to be punished.

He did.

“Is everything okay?” He could hear the worry in her voice. The pain and the anxiety. He knew that she was afraid that she had messed up.

“Just tired is all.” He whispered.

“Okay.” He was thankful that she dropped the issue. 

He really didn’t want to have a long, emotional chat right now. 

Not when his knees were still weak and his head was all fuzzy.

“Get some sleep.” He turned his head toward hers and dropped a kiss against her forehead before returning to his previous position.

He felt her nod her head against his shoulder.

The next thing he knew, she was asleep.

—

When he awoke a few hours later the bed was empty and he felt himself starting to panic.

As much as he knew he deserved for her to leave him, he really didn’t want her too.

He never wanted to lose her. Ever. He just wanted to keep her close and never let her go.

Pushing himself into a sitting position he let his eyes wander to the clock on the bedside table.

3:20pm stared back at him and he let out a grunt.

He was supposed to take her to visit that waterfall she had spotted yesterday.

Instead, he had his way with her, multiple times.

She probably hated him.

He certainly deserved it if she did.

He let out a sigh as he moved to grab his boxers, pulling them on slowly as he let his eyes wander the room in search of a shirt. He found his Army t-shirt thrown over the back of the arm chair across from the bed and he made his way toward it with a huff.

It’s not that he didn’t enjoy walking around naked 24/7. He just figured maybe it would make things slightly less uncomfortable for them both if he covered himself up some of the time.

After yanking his shirt over his head he headed to the door and pulled it open slowly.

The rest of the house was quiet and he let out another sigh.

He hated being met with silence.

It made him fear that she had really left him.

He made a quick stop at the bathroom before heading further into the house and he noted that Rox was nowhere to be seen.

He felt his heart start to tighten in his chest.

But then he remembered how attached to that porch swing she had seemed to become, and he figured that it warranted a visit before he truly started to panic.

His eyes caught sight of her, reclined back in the swing, her legs crossed in front of her as her eyes skimmed the pages of some magazine.

He let out a breath of relief before leaning against the door frame.

He could have stared at her all day.

She was wearing his flannel shirt again. And nothing else other than underwear. And her long, tan legs were doing things to him that he was trying his best to avoid at this current moment.

Her hair was down, curled slightly and still damp from the shower she must have taken while he was asleep. 

Ethan thought she looked like an angel.

She must have realized that she was being watched because the next thing he knew her eyes were on his and she was offering him the softest smile.

He returned it before pushing the door open and stepping outside.

The air was chillier than he expected and he instantly regretted not having grabbed a pair of pants. He didn’t understand how she was comfortable, her legs being exposed to the temperature and all.

“Hi.” He whispered. He was nervous to face her. Nervous to see the regret in her eyes.

“Hi.” She whispered back. But her eyes weren’t full of any kind of regret, or any kind of anger or nervousness. 

In fact, they were relaxed, as was her whole body. And he thought that it was probably the first time in weeks that he had seen her in such a position.

“Sorry for wasting the day away.” He hated that he hadn’t taken her to see the waterfall. That he hadn’t spent the day showing her around and spoiling her like he had planned.

“It wasn’t a waste Ethan.” She must have sensed his worry because the next thing he knew her hands were in his and she was pulling herself to stand in front of him. “I rather enjoyed how we spent our morning.”

“And our afternoon?” He chuckled slightly when she rolled her eyes at his question. 

But there was a small smirk on her face and he could tell by the way that she tilted her head to the side that she wasn’t annoyed by his comment, but instead, was amused.

“And our afternoon.” She repeated his words back to him as she wrapped her arms around his neck loosely.

“I promise you that wasn’t my intention.” He swallowed as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I didn’t bring you here to take advantage of you.”

“I know you didn’t.” Her words were soft and he felt his heart start to race in his chest.

He certainly didn’t expect her to be so forgiving of him.

He certainly wasn’t feeling very forgiving of himself right about now.

“I don’t regret it Ethan.” She whispered, her fingers tangling in his hair as she dragged his head down to meet hers. “You shouldn’t either.”

“I don’t.” He didn’t want her to think that he regretted having sex with her.

Because he didn’t.

Having sex with her had been the most pleasurable experience of his entire life.

He couldn’t get enough of her.

But he did regret that he had used her. And that he had done so multiple times.

She deserved better than that.

“Then stop beating yourself up about it.” He hated how well she understood him sometimes.

“I feel like I took advantage of you.” He could feel tears threatening to fall and he felt like a wuss. “You’re still hurting. You’re still in pain and I looked right past that.”

“Ethan please…” He could see the frustration in her eyes and he knew that it was aimed at him being ridiculous and nothing more. “I never once told you to stop did I?”

“No.” And she hadn’t. Not once. And when she had batted his hands away while they were snuggled in bed watching TV earlier he had obliged. And when she had collapsed against him, her breathing ragged and her legs shaking, he hadn’t dared to try for another round. Even though he really, really wanted too.

“Exactly.” She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss against his lips before pulling away. She stared back at him with that look that told him he was in trouble if he didn’t let her speak. A look he knew all too well. A look he had begun to miss. “I never told you to stop because I didn’t want you to stop. I wanted you to keep going.”

He let out a huff as she dragged her fingers over his scalp.

“Once I got a taste of you, I wanted more.” She whispered, her eyes darkening as she spoke. He wondered if she was going to try and seduce him right then and there. Because he would totally be okay with that. “I’m always going to want more.”

“I’m still sorry.” He couldn’t help himself. His guilt was eating away at him. She deserved better than he had given her.

“Okay.” She pressed another kiss to his lips as she dragged him closer.

He could feel himself getting lost in her touch once again.

“We’re okay though Ethan.” Her eyes were soft and her voice was low and sweet and he could tell that he was falling deeper and deeper with every minute they spent staring into each other’s eyes. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you too. And I don’t regret it. So you shouldn’t either.”

“I promised to take you to see the waterfall today.” He whispered.

“We’ll just have to go tomorrow then.” He could see her eyes getting mischievous, the way they were getting darker and darker with every second that passed. 

“What shall we do with the rest of today?” He knew what he wanted to do.

He wanted to take her back to bed and strip her naked once more.

He wanted to kiss his way along her entire body. His lips memorizing the feeling of her skin under them. The way she tasted was probably his new favorite thing.

He wanted to have his way with her, again. And he wanted to watch her eyes slam shut and listen to her moans of pleasure as she came undone in his arms, over and over and over again.

He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and snuggle her tight. Her naked flesh warm against his as he hushed her to sleep.

There were plenty of things that he wanted to do with her.

He just didn’t know if she felt the same way.

“I can think of a few things.” But then she was winking at him as she pulled him back down for another kiss.

And when her tongue ran along his lips, asking for entrance, he couldn’t help but finally let his hands touch her again.

He pushed at the hem of the flannel shirt she was wearing, his fingers dancing across her stomach as she nipped at his bottom lip with a soft growl.

He couldn’t believe that he had ever felt guilty about this.

Because this, this was the best feeling in the world.

And he would never get tired of it.


	26. Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox knows that she and Ethan need to talk. She just hopes that it won’t destroy their relationship once and for all.

Rox had been more than shocked at how guilty Ethan had seemed when he had found her on the back deck earlier that evening.

She didn’t understand why he felt bad.

He hadn’t done anything that she hadn’t wanted him to do.

And yet, he seemed to be panicking at the simple thought that he had gone too far.

He felt like he had used her and she hated it.

She didn’t want him to think that she wasn’t capable of doing this.

She was more than capable of a physical relationship.

In fact, that’s what she was good at.

It was the emotional and mental relationships that she struggled with.

It was the investing deeper and the heartfelt bonding that she didn’t know how to do.

She wanted to try though.

My God how badly she wanted to try.

“You still awake over there?” Ethan’s voice was barely a whisper and she felt her eyes blinking back sleep as she turned to face him.

They had retreated back to the bed after making out on the deck for a good twenty minutes.

Ethan had lowered her back against the pillows and once again done things to her body that should have been outlawed.

They had finally settled down about an hour ago and she had been trying desperately to fall asleep since.

“Yeah.” She watched as he reached his arm out toward her, brushing her hair back from her face as he offered her a soft smile.

“You getting hungry?” She hadn’t even thought about food until he made that comment.

But then her stomach was growling and she was all of a sudden starving.

“Getting there.” She whispered.

She hoped that he hadn’t heard her stomach’s plea for food.

That would be more embarrassing than she could handle.

“I’ll go cook.” He leaned down and dropped a kiss to her head then, his lips lingering against her hair before he pulled away. “You try and rest.”

She got ready to protest his leaving, but he was gone before she could say anything.

She let out a sigh as she flopped back against the pillows. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the ceiling above her.

She couldn’t believe she was here. With Ethan. After all this time.

After everything they had been through she still had a hard time grasping that he wanted to be with her.

She was broken. Damaged goods. Trouble if there ever was any.

And yet. He couldn’t seem to get enough of her.

Not that she could get enough of him either.

Letting out a huff she slowly pushed her way into a sitting position.

They needed to talk.

And they needed to do it now.

—

Rox had tried her best to talk Ethan while he cooked dinner, but she had failed.

Miserably.

There was something about watching him cook that made her insides tingle.

Something about the perfect image of domesticity that he displayed.

Standing there with his jeans hanging low on his hips and his chest bare. 

She would never get tired of the image that was being painted in front of her.

However, it served as nothing but a distraction and it was killing her.

She had so much that she wanted to say to him.

So much that needed to be said.

But she couldn’t make her voice work.

Not with the way he was staring back at her with soft eyes as he asked her how she wanted her potatoes. Boiled or mashed? Such a question had never been so hard to answer in her entire life.

—

They had eaten in a comfortable silence and she had been thankful that he had at least thrown on a shirt for their meal.

Lord knows she wouldn’t have eaten anything if his bare chest had been staring back her.

He had cleared the dishes and washed them quietly while she headed off for a shower.

She was surprised that he hadn’t tried to join her.

But she was also very thankful for the chance to be alone.

She knew she needed to gather her thoughts. To put together what it was that she wanted to say to him.

When she finally emerged from the shower almost thirty minutes later he was reclined back on the couch in the living room. The TV was off and he had a book in his hands. She couldn’t remember having ever seen Ethan read a book before.

Not that she doubted that he read.

She had seen the impressive collection of novels and history books on his bookshelf at home.

And she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was smart.

But to actually see him pick up a book and read it.

It blew her mind.

“I’m done if you want to shower.” She didn’t know why she was telling him that. He wasn’t stupid. He could clearly see that she was done and that the room was now free.

“I’m good.” He offered her a soft smile over the top of his book, his eyes twinkling in the low light of the room. “I took a quick one before I made dinner.”

“Right…” She knew that. She knew that he had already showered. And yet, here she was, making a fool of herself to him.

“Wanna watch a movie or something?” She could tell that he sensed her nervousness and that he was trying his best to offer some support. “Pretty sure there’s a football game on too.”

How he knew that she liked football she would never understand.

She had never told him that tidbit of information before.

And as far as she knew, she had never worn anything remotely football related around him.

“Football’s always good.” She whispered.

He offered her a wide smile as he laid his book to the side, his hand reaching for the remote as he gestured for her to join him on the couch.

She took her time moving toward him, her heart racing in her chest at the prospect of doing something other than sex with him.

She didn’t know how to handle the ‘dating’ thing. Sex, she understood. Dating, not so much.

“Any particular game you care for?” She shook her head back and forth at his question.

She didn’t care at the moment which game they watched. She just wanted something to distract her from how delicious he looked lounging on the couch in flannel pants and a hoodie.

“Okay. St. Louis it is then.” He dropped the remote on the table next to his book and he moved to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

She didn’t know why the prospect of snuggling with him was all of a sudden terrifying.

But it was.

She felt like now that they had crossed that line, now that they had finally had sex, that she couldn’t go back.

That’s how it had always been in the past.

“Rox?” He squeezed her shoulders tightly as he turned to face her and she took a deep breath. “You okay?”

She didn’t know how to respond so she simply shrugged her shoulders. 

She wasn’t okay. Not even close.

But she didn’t know how to tell him that without upsetting him.

“You’re upset?” The worried look in his eyes made her panic.

“I wouldn’t say that upset is the right word.” She didn’t want him to think that she was feeling upset or angry toward him. Because she wasn’t. She was just… confused.

“Ooookay.” He turned his attention back toward the game and she could tell that he was struggling to get his thoughts together just like she was.

“I’m sorry Ethan.” She whispered her apology as she let her head fall to his shoulder. “I warned you this would happen.”

“Warned me that what would happen?” He turned his attention back toward her but she avoided his eyes.

“I don’t do this.” She gestured between them like a mad woman. She could feel her blood pressure starting to rise. “Relationships. All this? I don’t do this. And with good reason.”

“There can’t possibly be a reason that’s going to make any sense to me.” She could tell that he was getting frustrated and that was the last thing that she wanted.

“I just… don’t.” She closed her eyes as she leaned back against the couch cushions.

She tried to put some distance between them.

“I don’t understand Rox.” She didn’t either and that was making it more and more difficult. “Things were fine earlier.”

“Yeah. They were.” She huffed out. She opened her eyes and locked them with his. “When we were having sex. I’m good at that part. That part I know how to do.”

“You do it very well I might add.” He winked her as he smiled and she rolled her eyes. This wasn’t the time for jokes.

“Ethan please…” She wanted him to have a serious conversation with her for once. “You don’t understand.”

“You’re right Rox, I don’t understand.” He ran a hand through his hair as he let out a sigh and she thought he looked downright adorable, despite the pained look on his face. “Explain it to me. Please.”

“I…” She felt a sob wrack through her body and she just wanted to run away. “I don’t know how.”

“Don’t know how to what? To explain it to me?” He locked his eyes with hers as he reached for her. He was desperate to get her back in his arms, that much she could tell.

“I don’t know how to do… this.” She gestured between them once more and he let out another sigh.

“What is there to know Rox? It’s not that hard.” He tugged her forward, pulling her into his lap as he stretched his legs out onto the table. He had her trapped in his arms and there was nowhere for her to go. Nowhere for her to put her attention but on him. He was a sneaky bastard, that’s for sure.

“It is hard Ethan.” She swallowed as she fought off another sob. 

She didn’t know how to do this. She didn’t know how to keep up, how to treat him when they weren’t naked in bed together.

“I don’t know how to make you happy.” She sobbed out. She let her head fall to his chest as she felt what little resolve she had left in her crumble.

She hated feeling so weak.

She hated feeling so broken.

Being vulnerable was definitely not something she wanted to be in front of him.

“Rox, look at me.” He tried to get her to pull back. To look at him and to talk to him. But she couldn’t do it.

Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck as tight as possible and she clung to him while she fell apart in his arms.

All the stress from the past few weeks was finally catching up to her.

All the exhaustion and the pain. All the emotions. They were finally coming to the surface and she suddenly felt like she was drowning.

“Roxy, baby.” He tried to push her back once more but she shook her head against his shoulder.

She didn’t want to look at him right now.

She didn’t want to see what was surely going to be disappointment in his eyes.

She wasn’t prepared for that kind of heartbreak.

“Do you wanna go lay down?” His question was whispered and she could feel his hands tangling in her hair as he did his best to hold her close.

She couldn’t form words so she nodded her head ‘yes’ instead.

She just wanted to sleep.

“Do you want me to come with you?” His next question shocked her.

He was giving her an option. 

No man had ever done that for her before.

Letting out another sob she clung to him tighter, her fingers getting lost in the hair at the back of his neck as she buried her face against his neck.

She needed him by her side more than she had ever needed anything.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” He whispered against her hair.

She felt him press a gentle kiss to her ear before he was pushing himself into a standing position. He kept a tight grip on her though and he carried her to the bedroom slowly.

Once he had deposited her on the bed he moved back out of the room.

She heard him moving around in the living room. The sound of TV cutting off and the doors being checked. Then he was in the bathroom and the toilet flushed and the sink turned on for a brief second.

And then there was silence.

She figured he had probably decided not to join her.

That she wasn’t worth the time and effort.

Rolling onto her right side she clung to the blankets around her as she let another wave of tears fall against the pillow.

She had never felt so alone in her entire life.

But then the bed was dipping and a warm arm was wrapping around her waist and she felt her heart stop in her chest.

He hadn’t left her.

No, instead he had crawled into bed with her and was currently holding her tight.

“Try and sleep baby.” He pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck as he buried his face against her hair, his arm tightening around her waist as he nudged a leg between hers. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

She nodded her head as she did her best to calm herself.

He wasn’t going to leave her.

Not tonight. And probably not tomorrow. And maybe even not this week.

She didn’t know what to do with that feeling. It certainly was a foreign one.

She didn’t know if it scared her or excited her more.


	27. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan just wants Rox to let him in, especially before it destroys her.

When Ethan woke up the next morning he was pleasantly surprised to find that Rox was still in his arms.

After her little melt down the night before he had half expected to wake up and find that she had run away.

Or that she was standing over him with a knife.

Either way, he certainly hadn’t expected to wake up to find her still sleeping beside him.

He had been worried about her the last few weeks, that much was certain. It was why he had planned this little getaway. It was why he had been trying to handle her as gently as possibly.

He didn’t want her to break. And he certainly didn’t want her to break just because of him.

And yet, he seemed to have pushed her right over the edge.

He felt horrible that he had scared her so much. That the idea of being with him had broken her down into a puddle.

It was surely never his intention for any of that to happen.

And yet, here they were.

He didn’t understand what she was afraid of. Being with him couldn’t possibly be that hard. Could it?

She had said that she didn’t know how to make him happy and that had broken him.

She didn’t even have to try and she made him happy. She put a smile on his face just by being with him. He was the luckiest guy in the world to have her in his life.

He wished he knew how to make her see that.

He was broken from his thoughts when she let out a soft whimper.

She had been doing that off and on throughout the night. Along with tossing and turning and bolting upright with tears in her eyes.

She wouldn’t tell him what was haunting her. Instead she would turn away from him once more and go back to sleep.

It broke his heart to watch her hurting so bad. He just wanted to make things better.

“Shhh Rox, it’s okay.” He dropped a kiss to her ear as he tried to calm her down.

She let out a soft huff as her body relaxed back against his and he let his hand rub over her stomach gently.

“Go back to sleep.” He whispered. He prayed that she would use today to rest.

He knew that she was bound to be exhausted after yesterday. He sure knew he was.

“Time is it?” She had been checking the time every time she woke up. He wasn’t quite sure why, but he had been happy to oblige her.

“Almost 7:00am.” He dropped a kiss to her shoulder as he nuzzled his face against her neck. “Go back to sleep.”

She simply nodded her head as she settled her body back against his chest once more.

She was asleep again in seconds.

He let out a soft sigh as he gently rolled himself onto his back.

He knew that he had no reason whatsoever to get up. Yet, he also knew, that he wasn’t going back to sleep.

In fact, he had gotten maybe three hours of sleep total last night. And he was just making things worse by trying to force it on himself.

He slowly climbed out of bed, careful not to wake his sleeping partner, and made his way toward the bathroom.

Surely a warm shower and a cup of coffee would help him feel slightly more human.

—

He had taken his time in the shower, knowing full and well that he wouldn’t need to worry about Rox needing hot water for at least another hour. 

And then he had made himself a cup of coffee before retreating outside onto the deck.

It was another chilly day. A chilly day that reminded him of fall back east. The temperature was just perfect and he could tell that it wasn’t going to get much warmer than it already was.

He was both thankful for that, and annoyed by it.

His eyes caught sight of the waterfall that Rox had spotted on their first day there and he let out a sigh.

He had promised her again yesterday that they could visit it today.

He doubted if she would be up for it after last night though.

Plopping down into the swing he let out a sigh. He wished he knew how to help her.

He wished he had a magical solution for how to make things right.

He wanted her to trust him. He wanted her to want to be with him. 

But more than anything. He wanted her to understand just how important she was too him. He wanted her to know that he loved her and that he was there for her, always. And that that would never change.

—

Rox emerged from inside the house at a little after 9:00am and Ethan had offered her a soft smile as she stopped in front of him on the deck.

She was dressed in black leggings and a plain white t-shirt. Another of his flannel shirts hung over her small frame and it made her look so tiny and fragile.

He knew that that wasn’t the case.

She was the strongest woman he knew. And yet, standing in front of him, wearing his shirt and the saddest pair of eyes he had ever seen, she looked so broken and lost.

And it was killing him.

“You could have stayed sleeping love.” He whispered his words as he reached his arms out for her.

She willingly climbed into his lap, letting her legs stretch out along the seat as she snuggled into his chest.

“I thought we were going to go out today.” Her voice was barely a whisper as well and he smiled softly when she let her fingers run down the exposed chain of his dog tags.

So she hadn’t forgotten about his promise.

“We can if you want.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead as he took her hand in his. He wrapped his fingers around hers before bringing them to his lips, pressing a kiss against her knuckles as he offered her a smile. “It’s up to you.”

“I want to go.” She whispered. She locked her eyes with his and he could see her desire to get away for a bit in her eyes.

He knew that she needed to get moving a little. That being cooped up in the house surely wasn’t helping her any. And he was happy to oblige.

“Then let’s go.” He leaned in then, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

He couldn’t help but smile when she threaded her fingers through his hair and dragged him closer.

This was the first time they had kissed in almost fourteen hours. He hadn’t expected to miss the sensation so much, and yet, he did.

—

They had both finished getting ready within a matter of minutes and Ethan had tossed the backpack he had packed into the back of the Jeep as Rox locked the door behind them.

He knew it was a short drive to the waterfall, normally a trip he would have made on foot, but he wanted to keep Rox as comfortable as possible. Therefore, hiking was out.

They made the drive in silence, but it hadn’t been awkward, not like he had expected.

Instead she had held his hand as he drove. She even hummed along to the radio when a song came on that she recognized.

He would shift his eyes in her direction every so often and he couldn’t help but fall more in love with her with every passing second.

When they pulled up to the parking spot for the waterfall she had released his hand and he suddenly felt like something was missing.

He hated not being able to touch her.

Even if it was just a simple hand hold.

“We have to walk?” He could hear the hesitation in her voice.

He knew that she was sore from yesterday. But he also knew that she was still struggling with her hip and back. He wanted to make her pain go away, but he knew that it was simply something that would take some time.

“It’s not far.” He replied. He climbed out of the driver’s side and walked around to open her door for her. She got out slowly, her eyes full of what almost looked like fear. “Five minutes max.”

She nodded her head as he grabbed the bag from the back and he shut the door and locked the vehicle before reaching for her hand.

“We’ll go as slow as you need babe.” He offered her a smile and he hoped it help.

He wanted her to know that this wasn’t a race. There was no limit on this trip. If it took them an hour to make that five minute walk he didn’t care. As long as it was what she wanted.

They started toward the trail hand-in-hand and he did his best to keep a slow pace when he realized that she wasn’t moving as fast as he expected.

He hoped that this was a good idea. That this wouldn’t backfire and end with him having to carry her back to the car because she couldn’t move after it was all said and done.

“You tell me if you need to stop.” He squeezed her hand with his words and he hoped that she got the message.

“I’m good.” She whispered.

He hated that she was shutting him out again.

He wished that things could be different. That she would let him in and give him a chance to prove to her that he wanted this.

He would do anything at this point to make her understand how important she was to him.

How much he loved her.

He just wanted her to know that she was everything he ever wanted. And then some.


	28. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox has a question for Ethan about a certain delivery he had made to her.

Rox had been shocked when Ethan had suggested that they still go out for the day.

But then again, it had been his idea to begin with.

Either way, she was thankful for it.

As much as she loved spending time with him, being cooped up in that tiny cabin was starting to make her anxious.

She felt like she had to always be touching him. And always touching him led to always kissing him. And always kissing him led them to be naked more often than not.

It’s that she didn’t appreciate being naked with Ethan. Because lets be honest, she’d be stupid to say otherwise. But right now, she needed some space.

She needed to breathe in some fresh air and let her body relax a little.

That had been the whole point of this trip anyway hadn’t it?

They had walked hand-in-hand to the waterfall in relative silence.

She almost got the sense that Ethan was mad at her.

But then he was wrapping his arms around her from behind while they admired the view and his lips were soft against the skin of her neck and all worry had flown out the window.

“It sure is a beautiful view.” She had never seen anything quite like it before in her life.

She had always wanted to see the sights. To travel the world and see new places.

But it had never been in her play book, only in her dreams.

Girls like her didn’t grow up to be world travelers. They didn’t backpack through Europe or explore jungles or anything of the sort.

She had learned that from an early age and it had always stuck with her.

It was probably the one thing that stuck with her the most.

She would never be capable of amounting to any of that.

“My view’s a little more beautiful.” He whispered against her ear.

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him.

Cheesy pick-up lines were certainly not something she would have ever associated with Ethan Willis. And yet, he used them quite often.

“Hush.” She didn’t need him filling her head with lies.

“True story.” He nipped at her ear lobe gently before pressing a kiss against her shoulder.

She may have never pegged Ethan for a sappy kind of guy, but she would take it.

It was actually quite more appealing than she ever thought it would be.

“Wanna walk down a little ways?” He let his fingers trail up her arm some and she gripped the railing in front of her as she turned her head toward him. “If I’m not mistaken, we can even cross under it a little further down.”

The idea sounded wonderful. But she was nervous. Nervous that her hip wouldn’t comply with her desire to be adventurous. Especially not after having been so adventurous in the bedroom the past two days.

“We can stop and rest whenever you need to.” He pressed a kiss to her nose as he looked back at her with hopeful eyes.

She could tell that he wanted to show the area to her. That it was something he must have known well.

“Sure.” She whispered. She didn’t know if this was a good idea, but she was willing to give it a shot. “Let’s walk.”

He beamed back at her as he gently pulled his arms from around her. Extending his hand in her direction he waited for her to step away and join him.

She took his hand without hesitation though and it was definitely something she was getting accustomed to doing. 

She hoped that she could hold his hand for the rest of her life.

She hoped that he wanted that just as much as she did.

—

They had walked in a comfortable silence down the trail that led around the waterfall and Rox couldn’t help but let her gaze fall on Ethan more often than not.

It’s not that she didn’t already know that he was an incredibly handsome man, because that part was unmistakable.

But there was something about the soft light of the early autumn day that made him almost glow.

She knew it sounded cheesy. She knew it sounded like something from one of those romance novels that Emo was always reading. But she thought it was true.

“How’s the hip?” His soft question broke her from her thoughts and she had to physically pause to get her mind back on track.

“I’m good.” She offered him a soft smile as he stopped in front of her.

The look he gave said that he was quietly questioning her response.

“I promise Ethan.” She took a step forward and leaned in, pressing her lips against his softly. “I’m good.”

She didn’t know what had possessed her to make such a move.

Normally it was him initiating the physical contact.

But for some reason, in that very moment, she wanted to kiss him so much it hurt.

“Okay.” He whispered. “Just making sure.”

He beamed back at her though, his smile betraying his quiet voice.

He wasn’t fooling her, not for a second.

He had enjoyed that kiss. But he had enjoyed that she started it more than anything.

He moved back beside her on the trail, his hand tugging on hers gently as he urged her along.

The next time they stopped it was a beside a field of colorful wildflowers. She was shocked to see that they were still so vibrant and beautiful given that the temperatures weren’t their normal high.

She dropped Ethan’s hand as she stepped closer to the small hill, her eyes searching the field in an attempt to identify any of the flowers.

They reminded her of the field of wildflowers that grew behind her grandmother’s house growing up. The purples and whites and yellows all mixing together to make a beautiful display. 

They reminded her of the flowers that Emo grew in the garden at her place during her teenage years. She remembered spending many a morning out there weeding those damn flower beds. Most of the time as punishment, but sometimes just because she could.

More than anything, they reminded her of the flowers that Ethan had sent to her when she was in the hospital all those weeks ago. The large, beautiful bouquet had set next to her hospital bed, and then next to her bed at home, until the very last flower ceased to live.

She hadn’t wanted to throw them out. She had wanted to keep them and stare at them every day for as long as she possibly could. She wanted to remember how much Ethan cared about her. She never wanted to lose that feeling of love and warmth. 

“Why did you send them?” She whispered her question and she wondered if he had even heard it at first.

“Send what?” She felt his hands on her hips as he moved to stand behind her and it sent a chill down her spine.

“The flowers.” She turned around in his arms then, offering him a soft and questioning look as she let her arms wrap around his neck. “When I was still in San Diego. You sent me flowers? Why?”

“Doesn’t every woman love flowers?” He offered her a sly smile and a wink and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m sure most of them do.” She dragged her fingers through his hair as she spoke. “But why did you send them to me? You didn’t know whether or not I liked flowers.”

He let out a soft sigh as he shook his head back and forth.

He was a mess.

An adorable, handsome, downright sexy mess. But a mess at that.

“I just figured they would help cheer you up.” He whispered. “I didn’t know how to call you or what I would even say if I did. So I figured flowers were as good a gesture as any.”

She leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips once more and she felt his fingers tighten around her hips.

When she pulled back, he was wearing the softest smile she had ever seen and it made her heart start to race in her chest.

She was so hopelessly in love with this man and she didn’t know what to do about it.

“Well they did cheer me up.” She whispered her response as he dropped his forehead against hers. “Although, I would have much preferred that you delivered them in person.”

His lips curled upward into a big smile as he tugged her even closer.

“Well, the next time I send you flowers I’ll make sure that I’m the one who delivers them.” He kissed her softly then and she felt her whole world start to spin.

This man was going to be the death of her. 

And she was perfectly okay with dying that way.


	29. Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a side of Rox that Ethan loves the most, but it’s the one she seems to keep hidden from him most of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I’ve got a busy weekend ahead and I’ve been sick the past few days so I don’t know if I’ll get to update for the next few days. So here’s a post to get you guys through!

Ethan had been shocked at Rox’s openness with him while they had walked the short path around the waterfall.

She had held his hand and initiated kiss after kiss.

She had even talked to him about how she was feeling. How she was still in pain and how she just wanted it all to be over.

He had asked her how she was doing emotionally though, and she had shut down on him.

He was afraid of pushing her too far, but at this point, he knew that if she didn’t open up to him, he would be forced to tell her about seeing a shrink.

He knew that Campbell wouldn’t budge on the issue. Not if she didn’t start to get better soon.

The man was simply worried about his friend. And frankly, at this point, so was Ethan.

They had finished up their trip quietly and Rox had been silent the entire ride back to the cabin.

He had tried to get her to open up to him again, but she wanted no part in it.

Instead she had retreated to the bathroom for a quick shower as soon as they got back. And she was curled up in the bed and asleep before Ethan knew what was happening.

He had opted for a shower as well and while part of him wanted nothing more than to curl up with her in bed, he knew that she just wanted to be left alone. So that’s what he did.

Instead, he took to the couch with his book in hand.

And he waited.

—

It had been at least three hours since Rox had laid down and Ethan was starting to worry.

He knew she was exhausted, but she really should have been awake by now.

Making his way into the bedroom quietly he stopped next to the bed and let his eyes give her sleeping body a once over.

Her breathing was steady and she didn’t seem to be in any kind of distress. Which was a good sign. But he could tell that she was restless.

She had managed to tangle herself up in the sheets, and he could see the worry lines on her face as she slept.

Something was plaguing her dreams and he hated it.

He wanted it gone from her mind so that she could relax.

He hated seeing her in so much pain.

“No. Stop.” She let out a whimper after her cries and he immediately dropped down to the bed next to her.

“Rox, baby, it’s okay.” He let his hand settle against her cheek as he ran the fingers of his other hand up and down her arm slowly.

“Ethan?” Her voice was barely a whisper but it broke his heart all the same.

“It’s me love.” He dropped a kiss to her forehead before moving to rest his own head against hers. “It’s okay.”

“Where?” She was confused to say the least and he knew just how terrifying that feeling could be.

“We’re at the cabin. Everything’s okay.” He pressed his lips against hers gently as he did his best to soothe her.

He got the impression that he wasn’t having much success.

“I…” He could tell she was struggling to get her thoughts together. That making her voice work was something she wasn’t able to get a hold of.

“It’s okay honey.” He let his thumb brush her tears away as he squeezed her hand gently in his. “Go back to sleep.”

She let out another whimper as she moved to curl up on her side and he felt tears prick in his own eyes.

He hated seeing her like this. 

He hated broken Rox. 

But more than anything, he hated that he didn’t know how to fix her.

—

After Rox finally settled down Ethan had given in to his body’s desire for rest and he had curled himself around her.

He wrapped her up as tight as he could, every part of his body longing to be against her.

He hoped that waking up in his arms would help her.

That knowing that he was there for her and that he cared about her would make her feel safer.

He must have dozed off because the next thing he knew he was waking up to a clap of thunder in the distance and judging by the darkness of the room, the day was nearing it’s end.

He prayed more than anything that the storm was far enough away that it wouldn’t disturb his companion.

The last thing he needed was her freaking out because of it.

He felt her stir in his arms and he dropped a gentle kiss behind her ear.

He hoped he could soothe her back to sleep without having to acknowledge the weather outside.

“Ethan?” Her voice was barely a whisper but he heard it, despite the rain beating against the window outside.

“I’m here love.” He tightened his grip around her waist as he pressed a kiss against the back of her neck.

He felt her shudder under his touch and he couldn’t help but smile. 

He was glad that he had that affect on her.

“It’s storming?” He could tell that she was asking him. That she was looking for confirmation on whether or not the weather was indeed bad outside.

“Yeah.” He felt her fingers lace with his against her stomach as she snuggled back against his chest. “Not sure how close though.”

“It’s moving away from us.” She whispered.

She must have been awake longer than he had.

“Good.” He squeezed her hand gently in his as he nuzzled the back of her neck.

He would never get over how good it felt to have her in his arms.

“What’s for dinner?” He heard her stomach growl just as she asked the question and that’s when he realized that they had completely skipped lunch.

“I was thinking we could go in to town.” He watched as she rolled over some, allowing her eyes to meet his, and he offered her a soft smile. “There’s a really nice barbecue place. And a couple of coffee shops and delis. Plus, there’s ice cream.”

He knew she was a sucker for ice cream. Rocky Road in fact. Just like him.

“Sounds good.” She leaned up then, pressing her lips against his lightly as she reached up with one hand to cup his cheek.

He couldn’t help but smile into the kiss.

He had thought for certain that she would never kiss him again.

Not after earlier. Not after she had shut him out.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered against his lips, her fingers tangling in his hair as she rolled herself over completely.

“For what?” He let his hand fall to her hip, his fingers dancing over the exposed skin between her shorts and the hem of his shirt that she had pulled on.

“For earlier.” She closed her eyes as she let her forehead fall against his. “For shutting you out.”

“It’s okay.” It wasn’t really okay, but he didn’t want to upset her. He just wanted her to feel better. And part of that meant opening up to him and letting him in. “I just want you to be okay.”

“I know.” He could feel the tension in her body and he hated it.

He hated that she felt like this.

That her body and her mind were so plagued by all of this.

It wasn’t fair to her. She didn’t deserve this.

“Let’s not dwell on it okay?” He nudged his nose against hers and offered her another smile when she opened her eyes and stared back at him.

“Okay.” She offered him a gentle smile and he felt his heart skip a beat.

That smile sure did things to him that he wouldn’t admit to anyone.

“Dinner?” He raised an eyebrow when he heard her stomach growl once more.

“Yes, please.” She let out a soft chuckle when his stomach joined hers.

He wanted more of this side of her. He wanted every side of her.

And he was determined that tonight he would tell her just that.


	30. Who Were You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rox was more and more curious about Ethan’s past the longer she spent around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This is the second to last chapter guys! The final should be up Monday night.**   
>  ****There is a sequel in the works! Look for it starting next weekendish.**   
> 

Rox honestly should not have been surprised by how much of a gentlemen Ethan was.

And yet, she was blown away every time he held the door open for her, or held her hand.

She was still shocked every time he would press light kisses against her cheek or when he would let his hand rest gently against the small of her back.

But more than anything, she was shocked by the amount of love that she saw in his eyes every time he looked at her.

“You okay there?” His soft voice broke through her thoughts and she did a double take, trying to remember where she was and what was going on around her.

They had eaten a nice dinner in town. A little BBQ place that he had raved about, and with good reason too.

Then they had walked hand-in-hand down through the little town, stopping to wander around a few of the local shops.

Then he had proposed ice-cream. And he knew what a sucker she was for that.

He ordered them both the same thing: a homemade waffle cone full of Rocky Road ice-cream. And her eyes had gone wide at the size, and smell, of the treat that he had brought to her.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had ever had something so delightful.

“Yeah. Sorry.” She was about half-way done with her cone and he must have noticed how she had stopped eating in order to get her thoughts together.

“Thinking good thoughts?” She could hear the worry in his voice.

She knew that he was afraid of losing her and that he was afraid that she was going to pull away from him once again.

She was honestly afraid of the same thing.

“Just still trying to process everything.” Her voice was quiet and she took another bite of her ice-cream to help calm her nerves.

“I hope things are okay.” His voice was steady, but his eyes betrayed him. 

He was worried, and he was doing his best to hide it.

But he was starting to fail.

“Yeah.” She offered him a smile that she hoped was reassuring, but she honestly wasn’t so sure anymore. “Everything’s okay.”

“You sure?” He was doubting her, that much was obvious.

“Yes Ethan.” She didn’t know what else to do to make him understand that she was okay with this. Without a second thought she reached across the table and took his hand in hers. She felt him squeeze her fingers gently and her heart skipped a beat. “Everything is fine.”

“Good.” He beamed back at her from over his half eaten waffle cone and she felt like her heart might just burst at the seams. “I’m glad.”

She squeezed his hand back then, offering him a smile as she studied his face.

He was so genuinely happy that she couldn’t stand it. She had never had a guy look at her like that before. With such love and adoration, like she was the only thing in the world. 

She didn’t know what she had done to deserve him, but she wished she had done it sooner.

—

They had finished up their ice-cream in a comfortable silence and they had walked hand-in-hand back to the truck.

She had felt like she was back in high school again. Like she was dating the quarterback of the football team. 

She had never been the cool girl in school. Sure, she had friends. Sure, she had the dance team. But once she had lost that, she had lost everything.

And she had surely never been cool enough to date someone as handsome as Ethan surely was.

“What were you like in high school?” She didn’t know what possessed her to ask him that question.

And judging by the way his eyes snapped over to look at her from his place on the other end of the couch, neither had he.

They had shared a shower when they had gotten back to the cabin. A shower that had quickly lead to a heated make-out session. That had quickly lead to Ethan backing her against the wall of the shower and doing things with his tongue that had sent her over the edge not once, but twice.

Needless to say, the water had run cold before they exited the space.

She had pulled on a pair of underwear and one of his t-shirts before curling up under a blanket on the couch, her book in her hands as she tried to keep her eyes open.

But then he had deposited himself on the other end of the couch and pulled her feet out to rest in his lap, his hands massaging the aching soles slowly.

She had closed her book and let her head fall against the back of the couch as she snuggled under the covers even more. Her eyes had been closed within minutes.

“Excuse me?” His question startled her from her thoughts and she stared back at him with what she hoped were curious eyes, not crazy ones.

“In high school, what were you like?” She left her head against the couch cushions as she watched him blink a few times.

“I don’t know. I was me I guess.” He looked so confused and adorable and she couldn’t handle it. The clueless side of Ethan was certainly not something she saw very often, but it was definitely a side of him that was quite precious.

“No, silly.” She offered him a soft smile as she pushed herself forward until she was sitting directly next to him. He gave her a look that almost said she was scaring him and she let out a chuckle as she reached out and brushed back a wayward hair. “What were you like? Did you play sports? Were you a nerd? I could totally see you being a nerd. Were you a bad boy? Because I could see that too. A little bit of slyness under that tough exterior. Did you have a lot of girlfriends? Did you date around? Or were you a one woman kind of man? Because I could see that too. I bet the ladies were all over you though weren’t they? And you probably had a ton of friends too. Mr. Popular I suspect?”

“First of all, I was not a nerd, so let’s get that straight.” His eyes twinkled slightly in the soft light of the living room and she felt herself being drawn in more and more with every second that passed.

“So were you a jock? Did you play a lot of sports?” She could see him as the type to always have a baseball bat in hand or a football helmet on.

“I played baseball, all four years of high school and every year before that. Started it when I was six. It was the one thing that my dad and I had in common back then.” She could see the mixed feelings in his eyes when talking about his dad. Even though they may have been close now, she knew that they hadn’t always been like that.

“I bet you looked adorable in your uniform.” She wanted to see pictures of a little Ethan now more than she had ever wanted anything. “Even as a teenager.”

She didn’t know what possessed her to wink at him, but the soft laugh that he let out at her movement made her heart flutter.

“I was most definitely not ‘adorable’.” He reached forward then, pulling her so that she was straddling his lap, and she let out a soft squeal at his move.

“What about school? Did you like school?” She knew that he was a smart man, and there was no way that he got to that point by being a dumb child.

“I tolerated school.” His words were soft as he let his fingers trail down her arm. He stopped when he got to her hand, his fingers entwining with hers as he offered her a soft smile. “I was smart, but I wouldn’t consider myself a nerd.”

“Did you get good grades?” She knew that while he was nothing close to a perfectionist, he was most certainly appreciative of a job well done.

She wondered if that was something his parents had taught him. 

Or something he learned in the military.

“I was an honor roll student if that’s what you’re asking.” He almost looked embarrassed by that statement and she thought it was precious. Of course Ethan, of all people, would be nervous about sharing his love of academia with anyone.

“So you were smart.” She offered him a smirk that she knew would drive him crazy and when he let out a low growl she knew she had him. “What about friends? Did you have a lot of those?”

“I had some.” He let the fingers of his free hand push against the material of her t-shirt. She shivered when his fingertips ran along bare skin. “I hung-out with the kids on the baseball team mostly. They were nice guys. Kind of a rowdy bunch, but decent enough friends.”

“Rowdy bunch huh?” She wondered what kind of trouble they got into. Surely Ethan wasn’t one to drink or smoke, especially not underage. Not like she had been. “Go to a lot of good parties did you?”

“Ha. I got thrown out of a lot of good parties.” He shook his head as he let out a soft chuckle. 

“Thrown out? What did you do?” She was so incredibly curious about what kind of trouble he could have possibly gotten himself into.

“I had a pension for drinking.” His eyes sparkled as he let go of her hand and let his fingers make their way back up her arm. “And then I tended to get in fights.”

“You? Ethan Willis? Get in a fight?” She laughed when he rolled his eyes at her. He may have been a pill now, but she couldn’t imagine that he was like that back then. “I would never…”

“Hush.” He leaned forward and nipped at her lips as he let his hand cup her head softly.

“I can’t picture you drinking underage.” She really, really couldn’t. And while she knew that he was a rule breaker when it came to some things, he was also a very strict rule follower when it came to others. 

“I did my fair share of illegal activities in my youth.” He offered her a mischievous smile as he kissed her gently.

“Oh really?” She wondered if any of those illegal activities involved girls. Surely they did. “What about girls? I bet you had them lining up down the block for you didn’t you?”

“I had no such thing.” He dragged her lips back to his as he let his fingers wander further up her side. 

He stopped them right below her left breast and she felt her breath catch in her chest at the heat radiating from his hand.

“Liar.” She tugged on his bottom lip with her teeth, her hands moving to tangle in his hair as she held him close.

“True story.” He kissed her once more and this time he didn’t stop his hand as it moved upward, cupping her breast softly against his palm. “I wasn’t exactly a ladies man back then.”

“I don’t believe you.” And she didn’t. He was the most precious human being around. She didn’t understand how any woman, or girl, could not find him attractive.

“I wasn’t.” He let his thumb brush over her nipple as he dropped his head to her shoulder.

She felt his teeth graze along her pulse point and she let out a whimper when his hand moved from her breast and back down to her stomach.

“How many girlfriend’s did you have?” She didn’t know why she was suddenly so interested in this topic. It didn’t matter how may girlfriends he had back then. It just mattered how many he had now.

“One.” His voice was low as he pressed kisses along the mark he had surely just left on her neck. “Just one.”

“Just one?” She pulled back and eyed him cautiously. She actually believed him and it kind of hurt her. She couldn’t believe that the ladies weren’t hanging all over him.

“Sarah.” He dropped his hands to her hips and squeezed softly. “We dated for three years. Broke up right before graduation.”

“Was she pretty?” She had no reason to be jealous of a woman he was with decades ago.

And yet… part of her heart was thundering in her chest.

“She was.” He whispered. Something about the way he spoke of this Sarah made her think that something must have gone horribly wrong in that relationship. “She was my best-friend.”

“You had a bad break-up?” She moved her hands to cup his cheeks against her palms as she offered him a soft smile.

“She cheated on me.” That bitch. “With my best-friend Charlie.”

“Bitch.” She probably shouldn’t have let those words leave her lips, but she couldn’t help herself. 

She didn’t understand how anyone could cheat on someone as amazing as Ethan.

She certainly couldn’t fathom it.

And she had been with plenty of men at the same time.

But Ethan? Ethan was perfect. She couldn’t understand why someone would want to willingly give that up.

“In that moment, yes, yes she was.” The look he gave her told her that he wasn’t the least bit offended at her comment.

“I’m sorry she did that to you.” She whispered. She let her forehead fall to his as she gave him a soft smile.

“It is what it is.” He nipped at her bottom lip as he let his fingers wander under the waistband of her panties. “I try not to dwell on it.”

“Good.” She pressed her lips against his passionately, her hands moving back to tangle in his hair as she pushed herself against him.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, her fingers making a mess of his normally perfect hair, his fingers teasing their way closer and closer to her center, their lips dancing against each other’s roughly.

She couldn’t help herself from wondering if Sarah had ever gotten to experience this with him. If she knew what his fingers felt like against her bare flesh. If she knew what he tasted like as his tongue tangled with hers.

She figured that it didn’t really matter who Ethan had been back then.

Because right now he was here.

And he was hers.

And that was all she would ever need.


	31. Three Little Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan hadn’t expected his question about Rox’s past to end like this, but he would certainly take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This is the final chapter, but no worries, the sequel is coming soon!  
>  ****Major smut warning.**

Ethan had been confused by Rox’s line of questioning about what he was like as a teenager.

It had certainly come out of nowhere.

But he hadn’t hesitated to answer her questions. Despite how hard it had it been to talk about himself.

But then she had asked about Sarah. And he felt like his world was going to crumble.

He hated talking about her. Everything having to do with their relationship sent his brain into overdrive.

But then Rox’s hands had been gliding under his shirt and her lips had been against his neck.

And all thoughts of Sarah had vanished as he quickly flipped her over onto the couch and settled himself above her.

He hadn’t wasted any time in removing her t-shirt. And her underwear hadn’t stood a chance against him either.

And when he had slid into her effortlessly after several minutes of passionate kissing she had gripped his biceps like she was holding on to him for dear life.

He would never get over how amazing she felt.

How soft and beautiful and peaceful everything about her was.

—

After they made love they had moved to the bedroom and he had tucked her tired and sweat covered body against his as he whispered for her to sleep tight.

She had pressed a kiss to his chest as her eyes closed and she was asleep within minutes.

That was exactly how he expected to find her when he opened his eyes a few hours later.

But instead, she was wide awake, her eyes focused on a point on the wall to his right.

Her fingers were dancing lazily over his chest, stopping every now and then to twirl the chain of his dog tags around them before letting them release.

Her bare legs were tangled with his and she would occasionally run her foot up and down his calf muscle, sending chills down his spine.

He honestly never thought that he would be lucky enough to be curled up like this with her.

He prayed and prayed that he would get to experience this for the rest of his life.

“What were you like in high school?” He let his soft question break through the silence of the room and he felt her let out a sigh.

“I was nothing special.” She whispered.

He doubted that.

He bet she was beautiful and funny and smart. Just like she was now.

He bet she was popular and had a ton of friends.

That the boys probably fought over her.

He surely would have.

“I doubt that.” He dropped a kiss to her head as he let his fingers trail down her bare back. He let them settle on her hip, squeezing gently.

“True story.” She snuggled even closer as her hand stopped its motions and settled above his heart. “There wasn’t much to me back then.”

“Did you like school?” He knew that she hadn’t always had the best grades, hence why she wound up becoming a paramedic and not a doctor like she had wanted.

“It was nice to not be at home.” He felt a shiver run through her body and he pulled the blankets even closer to them.

“Your parents?” He knew nothing about them. Nothing except for the fact that they weren’t in the picture anymore. 

He didn’t know if they were dead though. If she had any siblings. If she had fended for herself.

He realized then that he knew nothing about her.

And it broke his heart.

“They were absent at best.” She whispered. “I caught my dad cheating on my mom when I was fourteen. He had brought his mistress home with him. Made love to her in the bed he shared with my mother.”

“I’m sorry Rox.” It broke his heart to know that she had had to witness that. He couldn’t imagine what kind of pain that must have brought her.

“It’s okay.” Her voice was quiet and he could feel her tears hitting his chest. “I caught my mom with another man about six months later. They were naked in the back seat of his Mustang when I got home from school.”

“Damn.” That was a double whammy if there ever was one.

“I told Emo what I saw and she asked them both what was happening.” He could just see Emo now, protecting Rox was everything to that woman. “Turns out my dad had been cheating for years. He had just never been caught. Mom on the other hand, that was her first time. She wound up getting pregnant from it and that was Emo’s last straw.”

“She took you in?” He knew that she had lived with the other woman for a portion of her life, he just wasn’t certain for how long.

“I moved in on my fifteenth birthday.” She let out a soft sob and he placed a kiss against her forehead. “My dad came home drunk the night before, which was not unusual for him, and he hit me. He blamed me for my mom’s cheating. Said all the trouble that I’d caused at school was what broke her.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” He didn’t even hesitate to get the words out. “It wasn’t your fault love.”

“I know that now.” She whispered. “But back then, I was still a child. I believed him. I felt so guilty.” She buried her face against his shoulder as her tears fell faster and it broke his heart in two. “I went to Emo, told her what happened, and she took me home while my parents were still gone. She packed up my stuff and moved me in with her and her husband without another word.”

“I’m glad you had her.” He was thankful that she still had Emo honestly, but he was extremely thankful that the woman had saved her back then.

“I didn’t speak to my parents for years after that.” She let out a breath as she shifted her gaze up toward him and he couldn’t help but reach out and run his fingers through her tangled curls. “My dad moved away when I was eighteen, I never saw him again. I don’t even know if he’s still alive.”

“I’m sorry love.” He leaned down and pressed the gentlest of kisses against her lips.

He certainly hadn’t meant for his question to send her into this big of tizzy. 

He hadn’t expected such a tragic past from her.

“My mom, she gave birth to my sister a few months after I moved in with Emo.” She dropped her head back to his shoulder and he watched as she closed her eyes against another round of tears. “I saw her once, at a grocery store in town. I was probably twenty, twenty-one, she was five I guess. My mother recognized me but she didn’t say a word.” She let her hand move to wrap around the chain of dog tags as she sniffled. “She had another kid or two after that. At least according to Emo. I haven’t seen them since. Last I heard they were living on the streets.”

“I’m sorry baby.” He tugged her as close as he could, his arm tightening around her shoulders as he pulled her close. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She whispered. She released his dog tags as she let her foot wander up his leg once more. “Not your fault my parents suck.”

He couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle at her words.

He knew all about parents letting their children down.

He wished that she hadn’t though.

“What about school though?” He hoped that he could change the subject. Maybe bring it back to something positive to help ease her mind. “Did you do well? What did you like to study?”

“I did… okay.” She offered him a small smirk as she settled herself back a little, her eyes connecting with his in the dim light of the bedroom. “I liked English, reading really, that was probably my favorite.”

“My little book nerd.” He watched as she rolled her eyes at his comment, but her smile never left her face and he was okay with that.

“I guess you could say that.” She let her fingers wander upward from his chest, this time running them along the length of his shoulder and then back again.

“You were on the dance team. I remember that much.” He offered her a soft smile as he tried to get her to realize that he did sometimes pay attention to her when she spoke.

“Yes I was.” Her eyes glistened as another round of tears came forth. “Until I wasn’t.”

“You stole Mia’s car?” He tried to replay that conversation over in his head and he wanted to know more details.

“I was a punk.” She let out a soft chuckle as she sank back against the pillows, her arm falling away from his skin as she laid on her back.

He watched her for a second, her eyes closing as she took a few deep breaths.

This conversation had taken its toll on her and he felt horrible about it.

However, he felt better knowing that she was now comfortable enough with him to share these kinds of things.

Two weeks ago she never would have been this open with him.

“You were going through a lot.” He whispered.

He rolled onto his side then, letting his arm fall around her waist as he rested his head next to hers on the pillow.

She turned to look at him with soft eyes and a sloppy smile and he felt himself falling in love all over again.

“I wasn’t.” She blinked a few times before rolling her head back flat against the pillow once more. “Not at that point anyway. I was just looking for trouble.”

“You were attention seeking.” He knew all about that as a teenager.

“Yeah.” She turned her head back toward him and raised an eyebrow. “I take it we had that in common?”

“I robbed a mini-mart when I was eighteen.” She let out an exasperated breath at his words and he offered her a chuckle. “My dad had been away. The nanny we had was a complete bitch. Robbie was, well Robbie, and he got dad’s attention the minute he got back.” He let his fingers dance across her bare stomach, stopping at her belly button before flattening his palm over the space. “Sarah and I had just broken up. I felt like no one gave a shit.”

“So you robbed a mini-mart?” The humorous tone of her question made him laugh.

“Stole a case of beer and a candy bar. In hindsight, it wasn’t the smartest decision I’ve ever made.” He offered her a gentle smile as she reached up and let her fingers run along his scruff.

“I’d say.” She whispered her response just before she crashed her lips against his.

He felt her hand tangle in his hair as he let his tongue run along her lips.

She granted him entrance before he knew what was happening.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, their tongues dancing together as he let his fingers explore the skin of her stomach once more.

When they finally pulled apart they were both panting and he could tell that she was wanting more.

“What about boys?” He dropped his head to her neck with his question, his teeth seeking out their favorite spot in the juncture of her shoulder and neck.

“What about them?” She let out a soft moan when he moved to straddle her hips, his hands settling on her waist as he dragged his teeth across her warm flesh.

“Did you date a lot of them?” He didn’t know why it mattered to him if she did.

He knew about her adult relationships. Or, lack thereof, and that should have been enough for him.

And yet…

“I didn’t date.” She whispered.

He felt her hand tighten its grip against his neck and her body stiffened slightly.

He must have hit a nerve.

“Oh.” He pulled back from her neck then, letting his forehead fall to rest against hers as he ran a hand up and into her hair. “The boys in your school must have been blind then.”

She closed her eyes at his words and he pulled his head back and cocked it to the side.

“Rox?” He felt her hand fall flat against the space between his shoulder blades as she let out a breath.

And then it hit him.

She had always been like this.

It wasn’t just something that happened as an adult.

He felt like an asshole once more.

“I lost my virginity when I was fifteen.” The shame in her voice broke something inside him.

“You don’t have to tell me.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.

He didn’t care when she lost her virginity. He didn’t care to whom she lost it too. He just wanted to make sure that they hadn’t been the ones who had broken her.

Sadly, he feared that they had.

“I was at a party. His name was Matt. We were friends. It just kind of happened.” He could see the tears brimming in her dark eyes and he couldn’t help but lean down and kiss her cheek as he cupped her head softly against his palm. “When I woke up the next morning everything hurt. I didn’t understand why, but I figured it was just part of the process.” She took a deep breath and he braced himself for what was coming next. He feared her words more than he had ever feared anything. “Turns out that his friends got wind of the fact that I had sex with him and they decided that they would take turns too.”

“Oh Rox.” He dropped his forehead to hers as he felt his heart literally shatter in his chest.

“I told Emo about it and she called the cops.” He was loving that woman more and more with every day. “Her husband went to Matt’s house and raised hell. But it didn’t make a difference. They didn’t believe me.”

“The cops didn’t?” He hated the way this story was going and he wished that he could go back in time and change things.

“Nope. They said that I had willingly had sex with Matt, which was true, so it wasn’t rape.” She shook her head as another round of tears came forth. “It didn’t matter that his friends did so without my permission. They kind of just ignored that part.”

“I’m so sorry Roxy.” He leaned in and kissed her softly, his hands relaxing against her body as he did his best to comfort her.

“I didn’t talk to anyone that year at school.” She whispered. “Everyone hated me for getting the cops involved. They called me a sellout. That or a whore. It depended on the day.”

His heart was barely beating at her words.

He couldn’t stand to know that his Rox, the love of his life, the bubbly, beautiful woman who had stolen his heart, was once so broken and fragile.

“I transferred schools halfway through the year because I was being bullied so much.” He was thankful for that much. “That was when I joined the dance team.”

“I’m glad you got out.” He whispered.

“Me too.” She let her eyes lock with his and he offered her the softest smile he could manage. “I wanted to die. Everyday. It was the worst. Emo, she couldn’t stand to see me suffer.”

“Good for her.” He pressed a kiss against her nose as he let his thumb brush back some of her tears.

“My reputation followed me though.” He felt his heart sink at her words. “In a manner of speaking.” She swallowed as she let her head fall to the side, breaking her eye contact with him as she looked at some far off place on the wall. “I never got asked on dates or to dances. But I was always the one they called for a good time.”

“Bastards.” He dropped a kiss to her neck as he tried to calm his raging nerves. 

“I guess I just never broke that habit.” She whispered. “It was just who I was from there on out.”

“It’s not who you are now.” He nudged her nose with hers, begging her to return her attention to him. “It’s not.”

“You don’t know that.” Her voice was so sad that he couldn’t handle it.

“Yes I do.” He let his lips rest against her forehead for a second as he gathered his thoughts.

He couldn’t believe that she still thought that.

Had this weekend shown her nothing?

Did she honestly still think that this was just a good roll in the hay and nothing more?

“You’re nothing like that broken girl Rox.” He pulled his head back and cupped his hand against her cheek, his eyes locking with hers as he spoke. “You’re strong and you’re beautiful and smart and none of that matters anymore.” 

He could see her struggling to hold on.

He could tell that she was about to fall apart.

“What happened back then, it isn’t you. That girl, she’s not my girl.” He pressed a soft kiss against her lips and then offered her a smile. “You are.”

“But…” She wanted to argue and he knew that. But she wasn’t going to win this one.

Not this time.

“No. No buts.” He let his body relax fully against hers as he did his best to convey his every emotion to her using his eyes. “You are mine. And you are perfect just the way you are.”

“I’m broken.” She whispered.

“Maybe you are.” He wouldn’t deny that, he would never deny that what happened to her hurt her, but it didn’t make her any less of a woman to him. “But so am I.”

“It’s not the same.” She sobbed out.

“That may be true.” He whispered. “But it is what it is love.”

“I can’t…” He was so tired of her thinking that she couldn’t do this. That they couldn’t do this.

They could do anything together.

Of that he was certain.

“Yes you can.” He let his hand that was on her hip tighten around her bare flesh. “And we can do it together.”

“Ethan…” She was pleading with him to stop while he was ahead. But she had another thing coming for her.

“I love you.” He whispered.

He watched as her eyes slammed shut and she let out a strangled sob.

He wondered how long it had been since someone had said those words to her and meant it.

He guessed that Emo was probably the only person he had to compete with.

“I love you. And nothing is going to change that.” He dropped his forehead against hers softly. “Your past may have been tragic, but it made you who you are today. And that woman, the strong, beautiful, broken woman, is the most amazing person I have ever met. And I love her more and more with every day that I spend with her.”

“Stop. Please.” He knew that she wasn’t used to the emotional connection that he was trying to get out of her.

He knew that she wasn’t used to this kind of attention.

But he didn’t care. Because he needed to get this off his chest while he still had time.

“I love you Roxanne.” He nipped at her bottom lip as he locked his eyes with hers once more. “I love you more today than I loved you yesterday and I will love you more tomorrow than I do now. Of that you can be certain.”

She let out a sob and he risked crashing his lips against hers.

It was apparently exactly what she needed.

Because the next thing he knew her fingers were tangled in his hair and her tongue was tangling with his and he felt his heart start to race in his chest.

He pulled himself up and off her just enough to settle himself between her legs, his eyes soft as he pulled back from the kiss and locked them with hers.

“I love you.” He whispered.

He watched as she blinked a few times before bitting her lip.

He was okay if she couldn’t say it back.

He wouldn’t be hurt if it was too much for her.

He just wanted her to know that he loved her and that he was never going to let her go.

“I love you too.” She whispered back.

He felt his heart explode with joy in his chest and he offered her a giant smile as he dropped his forehead to hers.

He slid into her then, nice and slow, and she let out a gasp as he settled himself inside her for the second time that night.

He stopped then, allowing her a moment to adjust and gather herself, and then he started thrusting into her with a slow and deliberate pace.

She tightened her fingers around the strands of hair at the back of his neck. 

And then she was dragging his lips back down to hers and kissing him with every ounce of passion she had in her body.

He had done something right, because this was the most invested he thought she had ever been in their love making.

“I love you.” She whispered against his lips and he could taste her tears as they rolled down her face and hit his. “I love you so much it hurts.”

“I know baby.” He let his fingers curl around her hip as he picked up his pace and he could tell that she was struggling to hold on, despite having just gotten started.

“I don’t want to screw this up.” Her words were strangled and her eyes were full of tears.

It was almost too much for him to bare.

“You won’t.” He whispered.

“How do you know?” Her question was so quiet he barely heard it. “I’ve never done this before. I don’t know how to be a good girlfriend. I don’t know how to date and be faithful and love.” She let out a strangled sob as he picked up his pace. He could feel her getting closer to the edge, just like himself. “I don’t know how to give you what you need.”

“You’re the only thing that I need.” He pressed his lips against hers as he let the hand that was on her hip fall between them, his thumb brushing along her core as he tried to drag her closer to the edge. “You’re the only thing that I want and the only thing that I need and that’s never going to change.”

She let out a breathless whimper as her hand fell to his shoulder, the other tightening around his bicep as she slammed her eyes shut tight.

He felt her core tighten around him and he sped up the motions of his thumb, his head falling to her shoulder as he tried to maintain his composure until she had reached her climax.

“Ethan…” She was begging as she dragged her nails down the expanse of his back. “Please.”

“Let go Rox.” He nipped at the skin of her shoulder as he shifted himself just slightly, allowing himself to hit her in just the right spot.

And then he felt it. She tightened around him in just the right way and he felt her whole body shudder underneath his as she let out a whimper, and then a moan.

Her hand tightened around his arm so tightly he was certain there would be a bruise there in the morning. But he didn’t give a damn at this point.

“I love you.” He whispered against her shoulder as he felt himself come undone. He collapsed on top of her with a growl, his head burying itself in the crook of her neck as he let his hand fall back to her hip. “I love you so goddamn much.”

“I love you too.” She whispered into the darkness. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> *Don’t forget to comment <3


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